Black Rose

32.

Dave

After finding out that Ryan was pregnant everything has been quiet. Literally we hadn't talked much since that morning and that was 3 days ago. I think it's just taking her some time to come to terms that we're having another baby, then she's been sick as hell. We still hadn't told our family cause we just didn't know how they would react, hell some of them don't even know that we're back together. I was downstairs rolling up, when I heard Ry coming down the stairs. Kairi was with Ryan's moms for the week since they hadn't had her in months. I looked up and saw her coming towards me, she sat down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. "How you feeling?" I asked kissing her on the forehead. "I'm hungry but I know if I eat something it's gonna come right back up." she said laying back. I placed my hand on her stomach, she didn't look pregnant so we assumed she wasn't far along. But she did have a small pudge, she placed her hand on mine and sighed. "What's wrong?" I asked looking over at her. "I'm nervous.." she mumbled. I understood why she felt the way she felt, like I know we've moved past what's happened in the past but I know part of her still have fears. And I don't blame her, I mean when she was pregnant with Kai and Kam I completely disrespected her which was probably why she didn't want anymore kids. But I've changed and I've grown, I'm past that point of my life. I'm happy with Ryan, and I'm happy with the life we've built over the last 6 years. "I understand why you feel that way, but I'm past all the bullshit. I'm grown and I'm happy with the life me and you have built, as well as the life we brought into this world." when I finished what I had to say I looked up and saw her pouting. "Awe, I love you." she said climbing on top of me. "I love you too." I said wrapping my arms around her. I pecked her on the lips, "you made an appointment?" She shook her head yeah, "it's at 9 tomorrow morning."
"Are we gonna bring Kai with us? Or is she gonna be with ya moms?" I asked curiously. "She can come with us cause I hadn't told anybody about me being pregnant." she said with a sigh. I nodded as she got up off the couch, she headed back upstairs.

Ryan

I knew eventually that I would have to actually tell people that Dave and I are expecting again, but I wasn't sure how to do that. I mean I'm happy but you I'm scared and anxious, and for me to be 26 I still feel like 22 year old Ry who was pregnant with Kairi. I'm older, more wiser and now I know that this baby is a blessing and I can't keep being afraid of the what if's. The thing about it is what does this do to me and his relationship? Cause I went from being the girlfriend to the baby mama, then the girlfriend again, then the fiancé, then the wife, shortly after I was the ex wife, now I'm the girlfriend again? Did I see us possibly getting married again? Honestly no. Cause a divorce is not cheap, then in my eyes at this point it's just a piece of paper. But what I was thinking about was asking him how he felt about a vasectomy, only because I didn't want anymore kids after this one. Plus it's not as invasive as me getting my tubes tied, but I also knew how he would probably react. My phone went off and it was a Instagram notification and when I opened it, my jaw hit the floor. Antonio followed me, after we broke up months ago we decided to just unfollow each other instead of blocking since we ended on decent terms. But for him to follow me on social media made me feel a certain way, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. We honestly didn't break up over anything serious, it was at a time in my life where I mentally just couldn't deal with being in a relationship. Overall he was a really great guy, I locked my phone and sat it next to me. Why was I feeling like this?

Dave

It had been a few hours since Ry went upstairs, I went up there to check on her and she was asleep. I headed outside to the backyard and rolled up, I had recently spoken to Aug and he was making plans for another visit. He was in Atlanta with his new girlfriend and his nieces. He seemed happy with his life and his business, I was proud cause we really all came from nothing and made ourselves successful. I just wish Ghost was here to witness all the craziness that's been going on. Me and Ry have tried to be there for Brooke every step of the way since his passing but it's been hard considering we have our own lives. We still tried to help with CJ as much as we could, but I also knew she was in a new relationship so I didn't wanna pry. I sat outside and smoked just thinking about my life, the last few years.. it was honestly crazy. I sat back and thought about all the ups and downs of me and Ryan's relationship. A nigga would be getting ready to have his fourth child, then realizing it was only one of my kids on this earth made me sad. I always wondered what the baby we miscarried would look like, would they have my looks or Ryan's? What would their personality be like? Then my mind wondered off to Kam, my only son... he was such a happy baby compared to Kairi. He was curious about the simplest things, I resented my moms for what happened that day. It was one thing to hurt me but my kid? You wildin'. Me and Ry never brought him up unless it was close his birthday or the day he passed. His pictures were still in both of our houses, but we never knew how to bring up the conversation. I knew that situation scared her away from having more kids as well. And out of nowhere I let out all the emotions I had been bottling up over the last year, from the passing of my son then one of my best friends. I couldn't take it, I had been strong for so long that all it was doing was silently killing me.

                                        Ryan

I woke up with the sudden urge to pee, and once I hurried to the bathroom to do my business I went to check on Dave. But he wasn't downstairs where I left him, I looked out the back door and saw him sitting in the lawn chair. I opened the door quietly and stuck my head out, I heard him sobbing. My eyes furrowed in confusion as I stepped outside and sat next to him. I wrapped my arms around him and he buried his face in the crook of my neck, one thing David Brewster didn't do was cry. So I was genuinely concerned as to what had him feeling a certain way, "what's wrong?" I asked. "It's my fault.. if I wouldn't have let them go to that damn pool." when he said that I instantly knew what he was talking about. "It's not your fault, cause for a long time I thought the same thing. What if this could've happened or how could I have prevented it from happened.. losing Kam literally broke me. And at the time I tried to fill that void with Antonio but I realized if I'm not happy with myself how could I be happy with someone else? Mentally I wasn't here, I took care of Kai and did absolutely nothing with my life beyond that. I didn't care about anything or anyone, I started to hate myself cause in my eyes it was my fault that it happened." I said wiping my tears at this point. Me and him never discussed how we felt about Kam passing away. He held my hand and looked me dead in the eye, "did you love him?"
"Who?" I asked. "Antonio.." my answer got caught in my throat cause I didn't know how this would change us. "I had love for him.. cause he was there for me when Kam passed. Was I in love with him? I don't think so." I said trying to be honest with myself as well. The main thing me and him had was a great sexual chemistry. "But.. I had an abortion." I blurted out. His facial expression was unreadable, I couldn't believe that something I had planned on taking to my grave came out. He stood to his feet and headed towards the door, I quickly got up and tried to grab ahold of his arm but he jerked away. "Dave!" I called out running behind him. He stopped in the kitchen and turned to face me, "What Ryan? Is there anything you would like to get off your chest?" his voice boomed. I jumped, "I was gonna tell you." I said trying to talk to him. "Ryan- no the fuck you wasn't. I know you, you was gonna bury that secret. And you deadass just looked me in my face and said that you didn't love this nigga?!" I had never seen him so upset. I felt myself tearing up, "No Ry, them tears don't mean shit. Makes me wonder how many of mine you aborted." hearing him say that broke my heart. "Are you serious?" I said barely above a whisper. He shook his head at me and walked out..

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oop secrets are starting to come out now.. 🥴