when heaven and hell meet

thirty one and a half

Celia

♫: crazy in love (remix)- beyoncé

*chapter contains MA themes
(mentions of non-physical abuse, nonsexual grooming, use of knives, and explicit situations)

"Marcus wait!" I yelled.

He was walking too fast. I shrugged my coat over my shoulders and ran to catch up with him. Before he reached his car, I grabbed his hand and turned his body around to face me.

"Please don't leave," I said. "We can't ruin Luci's party more than we already have. Can we just talk about this?"

His eyes were glowing red and he ran a hand through his brown curls. I knew he was upset with me but he didn't have a right to be.

"What do you want from me Celia?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, " he grunted. "What do you want from me? Do you want me to be your boyfriend? Want me to walk you to class and hold your hand? Do you want me to be on your side when you bring up the ridiculous plan that will help Luci get her wings? What do you want Celia, because I cannot be all of those things at once? I've told you this before.
I. Don't. Want. You. In the sense that I cannot be committed to you!"

The air was cold, but my body felt even colder. Each sentence, each word, each breath he had enunciated so clearly. The message was clear.

He did not want me.

Marcus's words had plunged through my chest like a dagger. Each word ripping through my veins until it finally reached my heart. I was suddenly at a loss for air when my mind recounted his words.

I had heard those words before from a boy I once used to love. It wasn't verbatim but the message was the same.

"Cece, I don't like you like that!" Khalil screamed. "And you can't just kiss me because your mind made up a little fantasy that I might actually feel that way about you! Listen, I love you. You know that. But not in that way. I will never love you in that way."

"Why not?" I asked in a whisper.

His head hung low and his bleak dark black eyes stared directly into mine.

"I just don't want you."

I took a deep breath as the repressed memory flashed through my mind.

He just didn't want me.

They both didn't want me.

"Why?" my voice cracked. "Am I not p-pretty enough? Is it because I always push you to do things? I'm sorry, okay! I won't do that anymore. Just don't say you don't want me when we've..."

"You said," he began. "This was a no strings attached type of thing. I would've never continued if I knew you'd act like this."

We stood in silence as the wind blew past us. Without another word, Marcus scoffed and hopped into his car. He gave me one last look before driving away.

I didn't know how long I stood outside. I watched his car until the view was out of my vision. Hot tears wet my cheeks but I quickly wiped them away. I just had to pretend everything would be okay. Just for a little while longer.