Harry Styles
Cleo was awfully quiet ever since yesterday morning, and I honestly had no idea what to do.
I was trying to keep her distracted and talk to her about the most stupid things, and she'd smile sometimes but it would never reach her eyes... I just knew she was being too hard on herself. Her mind was never fully here, she was probably overthinking like she usually did.
She didn't understand how fucking amazing it was that she even tried to overcome her fear and hold a gun... she wasn't giving herself the credit she deserved, it wasn't even about the gun itself. The fact she wanted to be able to use it again and regain control was so fucking impressive...
It couldn't be me.
I had already accepted my fear and I knew how compromising it could be if used against me, that's why only Zayn, my father, and Cleo knew about it. But I wasn't ready to face it or handle the repressed memories I was too scared of unlocking. I was okay living with it, I felt this way for as long as I could remember and I wasn't in a good place to force myself to get over my fear of the dark.
My mind was already a dangerous place with all the impulsive thoughts that could most likely get me killed, there was just no way I could add my traumatic shit on top of that. But I didn't mind... I knew I wasn't strong enough and I didn't even try, while Cleo was doing her best to get better.
I hoped she could see how important this was, I was very fucking proud of her.
And I just wanted to see her smiling or feeling good again, I was barely sleeping and seeing my father didn't help, but that didn't mean she had to do the same. Cleo tossed and turned last night, way more than usual, I wondered if she had any nightmares. Was I in them because I was there when her father died?
It was really weird to think that I was indirectly the one to blame for her fear, and it made me feel this weird clenching in my stomach. Not the good kind.
I was occupying my brain with work related shit, mostly because I was helping Zayn with the month worth of lost deals and lost partners and complications, so I had to fix and put things back on track so my father wouldn't suspect anything.
I had a few meetings this afternoon and Cleo stayed at my place by herself, since Zayn couldn't come today. There wasn't a single second that I was able to stop thinking about her, the moment I arrived back home it was like I could finally breathe. I knew she could handle herself, I was just getting awfully used to having her around.
She looked normal, though... still a bit off and very much anxious, I had a feeling we both would be consumed by anxiety very soon if Amber didn't call or if there was nothing we could do to be one step ahead.
I mean, we could die any minute because we were unprepared and we still knew shit about the list and Zayn's kidnapping.
Cleo and I talked about it, though... we discussed my idea of breaking into my father's office and I was about to say fuck it and just do it. It was my father after all, I had plenty of excuses to use if I was caught... but I also knew his schedule.
I was pulling a Cleo and overthinking about this, but she actually thought it was a good idea, I mean, if she hadn't looked into her father's office that time we'd still be on square one, like hamsters in a maze. I wouldn't tell Zayn about this possible plan though, I had a feeling he wouldn't agree with us.
"I hate romance." Cleo's voice caught my attention and it snapped me out of my thoughts, and I looked down at her as we both were lying down on the couch.
The lights were dimmed just enough and being surrounded by her scent was my favorite thing... it helped me relax even if just a little.
I may or may not have forced her to watch The Notebook with me... but I wanted to keep her mind busy and also stay close to her, and she was already watching TV when I got home so I figured it was a good idea.
