Dernière Danse [Jikook]

⭐️26❄️

Paralyzed - NF

(New Emoji: ❄️ - Suicide attempt or thoughts of suicide)

Burning.

Everything about Jeongguk right now is burning - or feels like it is; from his eyes, body, his hands, everything he's touching, his body - He's fucking burning.

And he can't stop quivering to the burn that only blazes while he stares at his antidepressant pills at the palm of his hand, multiple the amount than prescribed.

Along with Buspirone, which was said by his psychiatrist that would help him with his anxiety.

Just all there, shaking at the palm of his hand, in a mixed pile jus waiting to go down his throat and into his body.

And that's when the reality to what he's thinking of doing felt all too real.

He can't take this anymore.

Can't take not speaking, not being able to sleep at night because of his nightmares, being so fucking scared all the time that he can't even look after himself.

He's tired of it!

And the flashbacks.... He's getting so much flashbacks these days that's like a damn drum pounding repeatedly in his head.

And the worst part is that it was from.... That night.

Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, placing a hand on the sink with a shuttered squeak to not cry right now. Jimin's right, he cries way too fucking much and he can't help it.

He's always so terrified, about everything and has to fucking hide it - which is when his speaking becomes a pro. He can't scream, can't even have a civil conversation without his throat aching with only a few words he lets out. And now it's worse because the slightest noise felt like sandpaper against his insides.

Back there, at that press report, he could've said something. Anything to defend himself from the overwhelming people calling him a fag or attacking Jimin about things that aren't true, but he didn't do anything.

He couldn't.

Not for him or Jimin.

Now everyone will see him as that; a fag.

He thought he could handle it, but harsh criticism like that is getting into his damn head. This is only the beginning and he already feels this overwhelming pressure because of it. He's never received such harsh words from the press before, and now that he's had a glimpse of it filled his conscious with fear.

Everyone is watching now, practically murdering him through their eyes for his abomination for skating with another man - Fuck! What is he doing!

He's tired of being so damn weak!

So fucking tired of it....

Jeongguk shakes those brutal voices in his head, panting now as he closes his eyes and without thinking slams the hand with the pills into his mouth.

Maybe Jeongguk wants to die.

Maybe he wants to get into a deep sleep and never wake up again to not face what the reports say about him. Or maybe he just wants to stop feeling so much panic and erase these triggering thoughts from his head; memories he desperately tried to bury in his past resurfacing, most specifically.....