𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Tw: ED

5lbs
7lbs
10lbs
13lbs
15lbs
20lbs

I had a look at the scales today I've lost 20lbs in the last month. Is that bad? I didn't think it was that noticeable but Joe has repeatedly told me I need to gain weight and that he swears I'm just getting skinnier. He's right of course but I just stared him down, told him that I'm his boss so he should shut up and said I didn't appreciate him watching my body.
I feel disgusting, last night I got so close to swallowing a handful of laxatives but I hadn't even eaten anything all day and I was already feeling faint so i managed to stop myself.
I can't help feeling guilty though, I've been so fortunate in life, I'm worth millions, and yet I hate myself more than anyone else. No matter how many times everyone tells me I'm too skinny, those thoughts, those impulses and intrusions are stuck on repeat. Adam, who was originally on board with my diet, is also now starting to get worried, I've told him he's being ridiculous but he's started eating meals with me and trying to get me to eat.
They just don't understand, it's good for me, I can't seem to control anything but I can control this, I can choose to skip food and watch the change it makes.
Weirdly I don't hate the way I look any less, I look in the mirror and everything is distorted, I see a skeletal version of myself, hollow cheeks, sagging skin, pale lips and cheeks. I know that's not how I look or they would've stuck me in a rehab facility already.
I'm scared, I don't want to be like a bag of bones, I just want to be enough.

04.10.2016

Adam was pacing around the kitchen while Taylor showered. He hadn't wanted this, he knew she was too good for him, too kind, too loyal but he had been selfish enough to not let her go, he didn't see any harm in helping her loose weight originally, she was a smart woman, he trusted her judgment, but this had gone too far, she was getting sick, she sleeps most of the day, she holds onto the banisters tightly when climbing the stairs, she needs to stop.

There was only one person he could think to call, Andrea and Scott hated him, Micheal wouldn't be able to do much and Austin was busy filming.

He dialled the number and waited for the line to connect.

"Hello?"

"Um hey Tree it's me Adam" He answered while scratching the back of his neck, nerves.

"Scotch- Adam? Why are you calling? Is everything okay?"
She responded in a monotone, irritated voice.

"It's Taylor. I didn't know who else to call, she won't eat anything.

"I'm on my way, when was the last time you saw her eat?"

"I saw her eating crackers two days ago."

"God you idiot! Why didn't you say something?"

"I just thought... I erm...... well I thought girls always ate like that.... you know.... they like..... bikini bodies and everything?"

"For fucks sake. Right well I'm coming over."

"Thank you tree I'm so glad you'd be willing to help me out-"

"Don't get it twisted, I'm here to help Taylor. I'm not accounting for your stupidity, I'm trying to fix Taylor's."

"Yeah.. uh thanks anyway I guess...."