𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔

The Apothecary

Hiiiii guysss. So i'm really sorry for letting you all down a little with the lack of updates but this time it was just because ive been super busy and tired. i'm so so happy right now, idk why but i love it. recently everything feels so bright, even though ive been feeling sad and insecure about this issue with my friend its kinda okay. i havent felt overwhelming anxiety or depression in what feels like ages. My mocks are over, im spending time with family and friends, i just feel really good. so as an aopolgy this chapter is 3,700 words long!! my longest ever! yay!

anyways, please leave some comments because reading your comments is absolutely the best part of my week.

so um yeah, ILYYYYYY.

17/01/16

It's been an insane few days. That's putting it lightly, in the time between my last entry and now I found out I was pregnant, got attacked by a madman with a gun, shot the madman with another gun and ran away with my boyfriend of almost a year. That sounds worse than it is, I swear. Well maybe it isn't.

Okay breathe. One thing at a time.

So I'm definitely pregnant. It's crazy, I have a small baby growing inside of me. A tiny human which I am fully responsible for, I already love them more than I have ever loved anything else which feels insane. I love this teeny little baby who can't feel, hear or even breathe, more than I love Joe or music. Two things which have saved my life. I've started calling them bug, I probably won't know their gender until I give birth, not a situation I had ever imagined myself in, that's for sure.

I always pictured myself waiting until the perfect time to have children. I thought I would be in my thirties and married with my career already done. I envisioned a pastel nursery, sitting in a rocking chair folding baby clothes and putting them away, having my mother by my side the whole way through, holding my hand when I went into labour, my husband at my side. But that's not how things are looking, i'm 26 years old and pregnant with a man who i've been with for less than a year, i'm on the run with no stable home or access to my finances, meaning i'm also broke, my unborn child and i were both nearly killed two days ago, my mother has no idea where i even am, my name and career are a wreck and to top it all off, i only brought a month supply of my anxiety medication so my poor boyfriend is having to take care of me while i have regular panick attacks and zone out for hours at a time.

Speaking of Joe, he's been so incredible to me. He's out buying groceries now to try and satisfy my super intense cravings and aversions to certain foods. My symptoms had hit hard yesterday morning and I haven't managed to keep anything down since. Joe is starting to get worried because that was nearly 48 hours ago and all ive been able to eat is sour patch kids and lemon juice.

We decided after the break-in that it would be best if we left for a while, until everything calms down a little and it's safe to go home, especially as we have little bug to look after.

My depression seems to have almost vanished, it feels incredible, like i've found my purpose, my reason to stay living is to be a mama. I know it might sound stupid but thats really how i feel. The issue is that my anxiety isn't letting me get any sleep. My morning sickness is currently an all day sickness and this cramped car is making my muscles cramp up completely.

The weirdest thing is that I still have absolutely no idea who is actually after us. I don't make a lot of enemies in my line of work. I've thought about it maybe being a stalker who's paid some gang to fuck me up a little to scare me, or it could be someone who would profit financially from me actually dying, but my will ( which i had written up a few years ago after a series of stalking incidents) leaves all my money to my family and various charities with my mom being the only person with control over how my assets are dispersed.