𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔

The phone

I am so sorry for ditching you guys. If anyone is still interested in my book please tell me and I'll start updating properly again. ♥️♥️

16/02/16: Week 3 in Iceland,

It finally feels like I'm starting to settle in here. The longer I spend sitting on the porch ,watching the wildlife and not having to worry about someone getting a photo of me, the more I fall in love with the idea of being able to stay here for a while. I finally feel normal, sane, it's like all the pain and trauma I've felt with over the last year is fading away and I can live my life like a normal person. I haven't even needed to take all my medication the last few days, I forgot one day and when I realised it hit me that I hadn't felt anxious at all. It's like I'm free.

Physically things have been a little more challenging, I've struggled to eat as much as I should be because the nausea has been hitting me pretty hard but as far as I'm aware that is relatively normal and I think I'm eating enough to stay healthy. I've also realised that even though my anxiety has eased my breathing issues have gotten worse, and I've been getting palpitations, I googled it (this is why it's good that I've got a phone) and those can be common symptoms of pregnancy too so I think that everything will be okay with that stuff too.

Joe has been such a light in all of this, he waits on me hand and foot all day, holding my hair when I'm sick. I couldn't be more grateful for everything he's doing. And I've been keeping in contact with my mum too which has helped keep me sane, she has been really reassuring and has kept me updated with all the publicity and legal issues going on back home. She promised not to share with anyone outside our family what I'm doing because she understands the danger that bug and I are in. She tells me that unfortunately they have listed Joe officially as a suspect in my disappearance and that Scott has taken control of my assets and career as well as the media stuff while I'm gone. She thinks he has no intention of actually finding me because without me there he has sole control of my career. Him and tree are apparently at odds at the moment because she thinks they should revoke the claim that I'm mentally unstable and can't look after myself. She knows me better than most and as much as she can be a little controlling at times I know she really cares about me.

Obviously Joe has no idea that I have a phone so I can't exactly let him know that if they find him they fully intend on arresting him. It's terrifying to know that I'm the one who's caused all of this. His life was so calm before I showed up and wrecked everything for him. The guilt does tend to eat away at me sometimes.

I feel like it's a constant struggle right now to keep my hand off my stomach. I'm just about reaching the point where I look slightly bloated, like I can't quite tell if it's a baby or Patrick's dodgy cooking. It's weird to think that I haven't actually seen a doctor yet, especially after my last pregnancy, I think I'm supposed to be classed as high risk which does sort of fill me with dread but I know that there is a very low chance of me contracting eclampsia again. And I'll probably be back home by the time I go into labour so at least I should have proper medical care then. I don't know that I would be able to survive another loss like that again. Being so far from Aurora has been so hard, I'm used to being able to visit her at least once a week, and this feels like I've abandoned her for my new baby, I wouldn't want her to think she's being replaced. Ro will always be my first baby, and I know she would be the best big sister ever.

Anyways, I better go, Pat's probably wondering where I got to.

Taylor <3

"Taylor!! Look! We can make an igloo!" Patrick's voice called right on queen from the back door.

Taylor returned her diary back to its spot within their shared bedside table and headed out to meet Patrick, zipping up her furry coat on her way.

With the three of them spending so much time so close together, it wasn't long before Taylor and Patrick had formed a tight bond, with such little entertainment available they spent hours having long discussions about their starkly different childhoods or going out on walks through the woods, or into town to buy shopping.
Joe even questioned at points whether Patrick preferred Taylor to him, which wouldn't be completely surprising since he was in fact still quite mad at Joe for causing this whole situation in the first place.