𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨

this took me a while. Oh well at least I have something to give you guys.

6:00
wake up, turn over to make sure Joe hasn't left you while you slept. Try to get back to sleep but end up staring at the ceiling for god knows how long until Joe wakes up.

7:00
two Xanax but only after eating because otherwise they make you sick.

7:15
phone rings. Panick. Checks name. Thank god, it's just austin.

8:00
Joe suggests going for a walk. He says you needn't bring security as we're just going to the Heath. You look at the floor, guilty, knowing you won't be able to go without them. Why don't you feel safe enough with just joe? He's trained. He oh so conveniently changes his mind, saying the extra company will be nice.

10:00
you have a meeting with 13 management. Time to play pretend. You are a smart, confident businesswoman. For the next hour at least. You've become so good at shielding your worsening condition that the shallow breaths almost seem normal. You're just meant to feel dizzy.

12:00
lunch. Eat like a normal person. For Joe. Swallow each bite. Painfully slow. Chicken tenders, don't count the calories.
You need to prove to everyone that you have this under control, you don't need help anymore. Control.

13:50
you begin biting your lip. First peeling of the outer skin on the outwit of your top lip. Then moving to the inside of your mouth you
Bite a thin line along the inside of your cheek, you bite deeper, expanding the cuts from little nips to tearing up flesh. It begins to bleed so you suck the bitter metallic liquid out of the wound and swallow. That'll be sore tomorrow.

16:00
you begin to zone out, the click behind you acts like a mediator. Steady ticks that guide your hazy mind. It's only a matter of time before things go wrong. Everything is too good, you're too happy. Joe loves you too much. This isn't right.

20:00
you try to read a book but the monster clawing it's way out of you has destroyed any hope of concentration. Your attentions pan has evaporated and your eyes slid over the words, unable to decide their meaning. You turn the page not having read the last.

01:00
you lie awake, the soft, periodic rise and fall of Joe's chest grounding you to reality.
What must it be like to be him? To be normal.  To be so light all the time. Does he not feel the lead weights tied to his ribs?

You don't fall asleep tonight. But you won't tell Joe that.

That's how the last few months had been going for Taylor. Her relationship with Joe was soaring but she was having a really bad anxiety relapse and was too embarrassed to tell someone that she needed to up her medication, so she decided to just suck it up.

Taylor was noticing some weird problems with her breathing too, it was most likely anxiety related so she didn't want to tell anyone but at random times of day she suddenly felt her chest tighten or her breathing become shallow and raspy. She worried about the affect it may have on her singing but so far that hadn't been an issue.

Taylor was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing.

She reached over to answer assuming it would be Joe.

"Babe what ti-"

"I'm assuming you think I'm Joe?" She jumped a little as hearing the much sharper voice of tree.