𝑯𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭

Possibly my saddest chapter ever. I want to cry having written it. Please leave some feedback so I can improve and see your thoughts 💜💜💜💜

Adam and Taylor had fallen into yet another spiralling argument. She had been acting strangely: locking herself in her room, not talking to him and disappearing for hours at a time without warning at all times of day as well as buying bunches of flowers to take with her.

Last night she had disappeared from their bed in the middle of the night and Adam nearly called the police beforehand returned home.

"Taylor tell me the truth, are you seeing someone else?"
He folded his arms and looked into her eyes.

"No! I just- I'm not ready yet. It's just too personal. Give me time, just have some faith in me."

"You're being unreasonable. I'm not crazy for assuming there's something up and you're refusing to say where you've been going all week. I mean who are those flowers for? This isn't the first time either, I've noticed you leaving before Taylor! What's going on?"
He seemed incredibly frustrated and she felt bad for hiding things from him, especially after saying she wouldn't trust him.

"Today-... a few years-..... ugh god I can't. I can't do it Adam."
She had tears running down her cheeks now and was rubbing her thumbs over the fabric of her skirt repeatedly.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?! Why are you crying?! How can I help if you won't tell me?"

She took a moment to respond.
"Promise you'll still love me if I show you?"

"Well it depends. Are you secretly married with seven children?"

She mumbled something inaudible to Adam before grabbing her keys as well as a bunch of flowers from the dresser and beckoning him to follow her to the car.

On the way out they passed Joe who offered Taylor a concerned look, having heard the argument and seen the tears on her face.
She ignored him however, and kept walking.

Adam got in the passenger seat and they sat in silence.
Tears continued to run down her cheeks and he watched her, unable to comprehend what could have got her in this state.

Things only seemed to get more unbelievable as Taylor pulled into an old church building.

"What the hell?" Adam mumbled as his brows furrowed.

"Just wait."
She pulled into a parking space, grabbed the flowers and started walking through the winding paths of the church yard without looking back to check he was following.

She passed a young woman on the way up who she stopped to hug.

"Hey Beatriz, it's good to see you."

"You too, take care tonight. I know it's hard."

Beatriz was the daughter of the priest at this church and she had helped Taylor through the most difficult time of her life, she had sat with her for hours on the grass helping her regain stability.

They walked on in silence once again for about five minutes until Taylor reached a newish looking grave and knelt down beside it.

Adam was unsure how to react.

He read the name on the grave.

Aurora Isla Swift
2012-2012
"So come with me, where dreams are born and time is never planned, just think of happy things,               And your heart will fly on wings.                 
Forever, in Never Land"
- Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up.

"Taylor please explain to me, who's grave is this?"

She looked up at him with a pained smile and testy eyes.
"This, is my baby girl."

"W..what? You don't-...h..how?"

"I was dating a much older man at the time, I was planning on saving myself for marriage but he convinced me that I shouldn't. It only happened once but by some ridiculous against the odds bad luck, I got pregnant. He said that he wasn't ready and I respect that. I was though, I was so excited. I understood my privilege I'm that sense, I was more than financially stable, I had a great support system, people lining up to get to babysit and the time needed. I did everything right. I had preeclampsia which progressed into eclampsia, my incredibly bad luck meant that it stopped oxygen and nutrients going to my baby which is incredibly rare. I nearly died and for a while I wished I had, I had to go to hospital and find out at nearly nine months pregnant that my baby had died inside of me. This isn't a miscarriage, I was told I had to deliver my baby. I went through a ten hour labour to have to hold my dead daughter in my arms, my mother said she looked just like me as a baby. The moment when they took my baby out of my arms and I knew that they weren't checking her weight or cleaning her off, they were going to bury her, they took my daughter out of my arms to bury her. My heart was being torn apart. I could almost still feel her lively kicks from within my stomach and hear her pattering heartbeat as the nurse took her away. I came home and sat in the nursery for hours and wished to look over and see her giggling in the crib. I fell into a depression, blaming it all on myself and that's how the eating disorder started, I didn't think I deserved to eat. I think about her every night, what her smile would've looked like, if she would love music as much as me. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about taking her to school or planning out what I should get her for Christmas each year as I pass the toy isle, there have been a few times when I even bought the gifts and wrapped them up, just in case this is all a dream and I'll wake up tomorrow and see my three year old daughter waiting for her present. I have a permanent hole in my heart but it's a wound that'll never fully close and I've come to understand that. I was a 22 year old grieving mother, I was alone."

She looked up at Adam, having gotten lost in her thoughts.

"Taylor I don't know what to say. You lied to me, you aren't who I thought you were. This is all wrong, I need time to think."

Of all the possibly reactions she hadn't thought that he would just leave.

Taylor had nothing left to say so she nodded her head and looked back over to the grave as he walked away.

Adam walked through the dark graveyard for a few minutes, trying to find his way through the dark narrow paths in the moonlight. He didn't understand how Taylor could come here for hours at 3am and sit alone in the dark.

Out of nowhere Adam felt a hand in his shoulder and he turned to find Beatriz glaring into his eyes. It was a piercing stare.

"How dare you. She's never brought anyone here in four years, the moment she allows herself to feel and to be vulnerable you slam it in her face? You're a coward."

Her words were to truthful, they settled within his creaking bones.

"Why don't you go comfort her then? If it's so easy. I just found out my girlfriend had secretly given birth to a dead baby and never thought to tell me."

"Stay away from her. She needs support, not judgment."
She turned on her heel and took off into the trees to find Taylor.

_____________________________________

Taylor sat cross legged opposite the grave with one the candle light to illuminate the small patch of grass around her.

"Happy birthday my darling, mommy loves you."

She lit a candle in the shape of a number 4 and placed it on the stone and took a book out of her bag.

"I've always wanted to get to read you a bedtime story and I thought that you must be able to hear me from wherever you are. So I brought a story of a little boy who's just like you.  All children, except one, grow up....."