Ours To Be (All Ours, #1)

Chapter 51

Kayden

I haven't felt like a disappointment in a long time, and I can't say I missed the feeling. I wouldn't usually care who I upset. The life I live doesn't really give me any time to dwell on anything.

But fuck me, having to tell my woman I wouldn't make it home for a dinner tonight- a dinner she set up for me specifically with so many of my favorite things- a-fucking-gain, pulled at my heartstrings, and not a little bit.

I hate having to hide this from her. When we're in bed together late at night and I'm just holding her and she's telling me about her day, I want nothing more than to just vent everything out. As great of a support system Joshua has been throughout this, confiding in your own human is different. I want her to tell me what do to. I want her to tell me I shouldn't even consider a single thing Scott offered me. I want her to understand.

But most of all, I want her safe. And that's why she can't find out.

No matter how much the disappointment in her voice she's so desperately trying to hide cripples me, I know who I'm doing this for and she'll thank me for it in the end.

After hating my guts.

Goddammit, I'm not looking forward to that day. I hope me and Joshua can keep this fucking clean so it will never have to come to that. I might cave and tell her everything myself when it's all gone and done and I know in my bones she's completely secure, but right now, telling her would put her in more danger than she's already in. Knowing her, she won't rest, she'll try and put herself in the most perilous situations, wanting this to be over and dealt with.

If I know anything about my woman it's that if there's ever a sacrifice waiting to be taken, she would demand to be the one to do it without even blinking an eye.

I would have to be found dead in a ditch somewhere in another continent, another universe, before I let that fucking happen.

She doesn't need this huge heap of anxiety on her. When she told me everything about her past, the chaos, the mess, I pledged right then and there that I would be the peace she never had. That I would be the one thing in her life she would never need to doubt. So fuck yeah, I'd rather carry this shit on my shoulders for the both of us and stress twice as hard if it means she doesn't feel an ounce of worry stepping out on the street and just going about her day.

I just hope she understands that when she finds out.

Because she will find out. If she doesn't do it on her own, I'll eventually sit her down and tell her. But like I said, not before this shit is dealt with and I'll know for sure the truth won't harm her or the people she loves in any way shape, or form.

Not once have I regretted being with her. Not even for a fucking second. The only thing I regret is not getting my shit together before I did.

The threats weren't like this when I met her though. Yeah, a text here in there, just once in a while to see if I changed my mind and remind me of all the things I could have with him and his posse. I barely read them, let alone respond. The first time I saw him in years was the day I met Bella. I think the reason he left so easily was because he knew pissing me off would never get him what he wanted in the end.

Me. Working for him and busting my ass for a man that didn't deserve a dime I brought him and his organization. I don't want to condone violence. I'm not about that, never been. Younger me would have my neck for how this shit turned out.

But I'm in my office, and instead of doing my job, working on shit that actually matters, I'm looking at three giant packs of stockpiles that the delivery people just dragged in like it was a damn food delivery or something.