Tinder match | Yoonseok

alternative chapter 2

ahh! i can't let go of this book 😭 i love it too much :(( so i'm just gonna write yoongi's life as a person who's recovering! so still TW for ed!

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yoongi stared at some candy he was craving, feeling saliva develop in his mouth as he imagined the taste.

he was tempted to put it in his cart, but the voice in his head said the complex opposite of what he wanted to do.

'you ate candy last week and it has so many calories! you'll gain so much weight! hoseok will hate you!'

he gulped, he probably looked like idiot staring at a candy bar in yhe middle of the store.

"no, i should eat this candy because i want to.. hoseok will still love me if i gained weight, i'm still beautiful if i gain weight" he mumbled to himself, placing the candy in his cart.

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yoongi stared at the meat he had to eat for dinner, hoseok looked happy eating it.

he was sometimes jealous of hoseok who could eat these meals with no worries, on the other hand, yoongi felt tears brim in his eyes as he tried to calculate the amount of calories in rice.

he gripped onto his hair, beginning to cry, "baby? what's wrong?" hoseok asked, "i-i want to be like y-you! you can eat this s-so easily!" he cried, hoseok massaged the boy's back, "i know it's hard but i promise you'll make it to a point where those thoughts are smaller and smaller" hoseok said, yoongi sniffled.

"can you feed me?" he asked, hoseok grabbed yoongi's chopsticks and grabbed some rice, "mhm, open up kitten" he said, yoongi tasted the rice, trying to think of his beautiful boyfriend as thoughts ran through his head.

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yoongi had to cope with the guilt of eating by himself when hoseok wasn't home.

it was probably the worst part of recovering, at least for him. the guilt made him want to throw everything up again.

"you deserve to eat" he mumbled while staring at the ceiling, "even if i ate a donut yesterday" he reassured himself, "i need to get better for myself, i need to have good health"

it was true, yoongi's health had been declining because of his eating disorder. his hair fell out everytime he brushed it, in that case, it fell out everytime he ran his hands through it. he was dehydrated, which he knew could lead to kidney failure. he struggled to get warm, and often needed extra layers of clothing to get warm in his house.

last time he had gone to the doctor, he was told he was lacking a lot of different vitamins. he was prescribed vitamins but refused to take them because he didn't know the amount of calories in them.

his heart had an unusual rhythm according to his doctor, he told that to hoseok and joked that he would use that produce a song. hoseok stared at the boy like he was crazy.

because of his eating disorder, he would often pass out from being dizzy. hoseok usually didn't take yoongi to the hospital unless the boy looked severely affected, usually yoongi would just rest.

"you need to eat, i need nutrients to live a happy life" yoongi said to himself, "i am still beautiful if i eat" he reassured himself, he felt so fat and ugly.

"i'm not fat. i'm just having a bad day with my body" yoongi said, getting some paper from his notebook and a pen.

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