TW: accidental suicide mentions, attempted suicide mentions, self harm mentions
/KARL/
"Q you did not-" I look shocked, i know where we are headed to.
I can't help but be excited, it was a pretty good spot. Just what if someone does come? Well... that's the thrill of the gamble? Right?
I sigh, "what's wrong?" Sapnap says.
"I watch too much anime... I just fucking mind quoted Yumeko Jabami"
Sapnap laughs, "that's not necessarily a bad thing, kakegurui was quite good"
"I have no clue what you guys are talking about" Quackity scoffs, leading them down the path.
Quackity wouldnt watch any form of anime with the two, he thought it was weird.
'The sexual positions are just- ew! Why can't they not sexualise school girls for one moment? It makes no sense..."
I laugh at the memory. It's dark outside, only a few people remain in the park as we make our way to our spot.
That feels nice, our spot.
Walking down the forest path, I can see my breath from the frosty air. It's the middle of summer? In Florida? How does this work? My brain can't handle this... never mind.
"You know? I don't think I will be able to do it here" Sapnap breaks the silence, "I mean- I want to, but this doesn't feel right in our place. It's always been just a comfortable spot for us, not some sex shack"
I think about it, he's right. It would be weird.
"I actually agree. I think I just want to hang out and cuddle with you guys" I add to what he just said.
"I'm cool with that, I don't want to push you to do anything you guys don't want to. I love you two" Quackity smiles at us as we fall back into silence.
We push through the nettles and ferns until we get to the clearing on the cliffs edge.
"I just realised what a bad place this would be to be drunk at" Sapnap comments, "apparently accidental suicide happens a lot more then people think"
"I heard about that actually" Quackity says, plonking down onto the soft bed of grass and daisys.
"It must suck dying when you're drunk, like, dying sucks anyway but imagine taking your own life by accident"
I just sit and think about what they're talking about. Should I?
I get comfortable, laying against Quackitys chest. He unconsciously starts playing with my hair and Sapnap comes to sit beside us, putting his arm around Quackity and putting his free hand on my inner thigh.
My breath hitches.
"Sapnap..." I murmur.
He smirks at me, "something wrong, princess?"
"Don't you fucking dare..." butterflies coat the inside of my stomach, fluttering around madly.
He chuckles but doesn't take his hand away, instead he starts running his hand up and down slowly.
I eventually calm down and enjoy the calm rhythm.
I start to doze off, only hearing small amounts of Sapnap and Quackitys conversation. I'm not sure what they are talking about but they are speaking.
"I do think... no that's not... suicide is a bit far... no he wouldn't... what? No!... Sap be reasonable love... that's not... calm down... I love you too..."
"Are you guys talking about me?" I whisper and they freeze under me.
"No... not directly" Quackity replies, continuing to stroke my hair.
"You said something about suicide? What's that about?"
It's quiet for a moment and I sigh.
"You were talking about me, you thought I was asleep"
"I'm sorry, love. You can't act fine again when you really aren't" Sapnap whispers into the night.
"You're right though. I did try to kill myself, two weeks after the club. I was cutting again, worse then the first time. After a while I just decided it was enough and I cut the same place, over and over again. I still have the scar-" Quackity cuts me off by grabbing my arm and turning it over, pulling down my sleeve to reveal multiple white scars and some red ones.
A long one down the middle catches his eye and he runs his index finger down it.
The outside was bruised and the cut itself was red and yellow.
"Karl-"
I cut him off, "then I remembered you guys. I couldn't do that to you and I stopped and wrapped my arm in toilet paper. I sterilised it with alcohol and kept it clean until it stoped hurting.
I tried to let myself bleed out but you stopped me without knowing it. I love you guys so fucking much you don't even fucking realise"
I stop to breath.
"Then I started taking my meds normally again. I'd been doubling my dose in hopes I would die some time soon. It did nothing but it gave me a sense of euphoria most times, I was high and I didn't even know. That's why I was doing it even though I didn't have to"
I'm in too deep to give in now.
"I want to marry you guys some day to be honest. Not now, I'm not ready for that yet but I'm so in love with you two that I really want a life with you. I've never felt like this with anyone before and I've never loved anyone like this before. I want to marry you guys. I really do"
The tension in the air is thick but Sapnap soon breaks it.
"Karl, marriage is a lot different then a relationship, are you sure?"
"I've thought about it more then you think, I'm sure"
"I'm going to be honest" Quackity starts, "I- I don't want marriage for a long fucking time. I'm only 19... I don't want to get married young, it never works out. I want atleast another 6 years. And haven't we only been dating a few months? Like... we've only been with each other 7 months"
"I'll wait. This will sound cheesy but it's true, I'd wait 100 years if I needed to" I chime in. Sapnap hums in agreement.
"I'll wait too" Sapnap smiles and kisses Quackity before he leans down and connects his lips with mine.
We talk about the future for a number of hours before we all fall asleep on each other.
———
