SBI Oneshots (technodad +others)

I uh- yea- anyways (ft FoolishG)

A/N saw a thing. on ao3. uhm... yea. enjoy ig. 'Mortals really are stupid' by Kitkatexistskindamaybe
edit: this is from a few months ago but I think its funny so I finished it. btw there will be no pt2 to my last oneshot, it was written out of pure boredom and is not my favorite, plz stop asking /nm

A child. Seventeen year old mortal human boy. That's what he is. A seventeen year old mortal boy that just adopted a spider hybrid. His first child. Yep. Definitely his first child. No other children. Just a seventeen year old mortal human boy and his first child.

"Well that doesn't sound believable at all."

"Shut up! I'm trying!"

"I think you've been hanging out with Charlie to much."

"Oh yeah, because I can just go up to them and say 'Hey my name is Tommyinnit, I'm the god of prime thats been disguised as a teenager, I'm over a billion years old and somehow have multiple children. Oh yeah and all my friends think one of my children is my older brother for some reason.' Why does that sound more like a lie?"

The totem god laughed at his godly brothers misery. Tommy pouted and laid in the sand looking at the sun in spite. Foolish hummed and laid next to him. The sound of toddler giggles somewhere to the side as Shroud, Finley and Jr played in a playpen. Tommy turned to watch the kids before jumping up in realization.

"I forgot to tell him." Foolish looked at him in confusion silently asking for elaboration. "Techno. About Shroud. Shit. How the fuck did I forget to tell him?" Foolish burst into a fit of laughter that made the kids look at the two gods. "Foolish this isn't funny! Fuck. I gotta go find him. Shit." He stood up and hurried to grab the spider hybrid and run towards the community portal. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Yeah man! Good luck!"

Tommy pulled Shroud closer as he ran at unnatural speeds to the portal. Thankfully nobody was there to see him, it would be such a pain to explain why he was able to run this fast and not be out of breath while also carrying a spider hybrid toddler. He ran through the nether occasionally seeing a bow of the head from a piglin. He didn't have time otherwise he would happily greet the subjects of his eldest sons domain.

He got to the arctic to be met with a raging snowstorm. He sighed not having time for any of this. If he waited any more time he'd be in for an ear full. He whispered to the toddler before running through the snow. Why would Death create such a thing? Did she truly hate him? Surely not. Life maybe but surely not Death.

"Phil!" The winged man turned in time for the god to nearly tackle him into the door. "Phil! Where's Techno? Shit. By the way this is Shroud, they're my child. Where is he? Where's my son?"

Phil looked at him with a confused expression and pointed to the piglins cabin. Tommy nodded and quickly thanked him. He thought he heard a "where else would he be" bit ultimately decided to ignore it in favor of finding Technoblade. He found him in the basement sorting through chests. Tommy smiled and held up the spider toddler, right before loudly shouting to catch Techno's attention and throwing the child at him.

"What the- Tom- I'm holding-" Technoblade dropped the potion bottles he was holding and quickly caught the child. "What is this?"

"Your sibling." Tommy smiled.

"My what?" Techno held up the child and studied it carefully. "No." Tommy frowned and looked at his son with an expecting look. A look every parent has had at least once when they looked at their child. Technoblade is very familiar with this look. "It's a child."

"You're a child."

"I'm nine thousand years old."

"A child."

"You look like a child." Tommy crossed his arms. "Sorry. Uh- what's their name?"

"Shroud." Tommy smiled and walked up to his kids. He grabbed Shroud and let the spider hybrid climb onto his back. He softly rested his hands against on the side of Techno's face (very difficult since he is a foot taller than Tommy in this form) and pulled him down and rest their foreheads together. "You're not being replaced. Please try to get along with them." Techno grabbed his dads wrists and smiled.

"I know and I'll try." The older god released him and pulled the spiderling off his back again. "No promises though." Tommy laughed and shook his head.

"Of course."

A/N reminder that this was a joke I started writing months ago. we'll be back to our regularly unscheduled dadnoblade shortly