SBI Oneshots (technodad +others)

Fuck it. Vampinnit

A/N +soft immortal technodad. also happy halloween to whoever celebrates it (its still Halloween for me)

Any normal person that saw what was happening might ask "Technoblade, how in the absolute fuck did you get yourself into this situation?" Which, fair. BUT it's not his fault! It's this fucking childs! You see, there was a time when he was a mortal potato farmer without anyone but himself to take care of but then he found this child in a forest and decided he would do his one good deed per year early. Of course the one time he decided to help a child they were in the process of turning into a damn vampire and immediately clung onto him.

It was as if Techno's feelings didn't matter! This vampire child had no business collapsing into his life and clinging to him while it turned. And then it just had to leave that big of an imprint that Techno just had to get attached! Truly he's the victim here! Who leaves an adorably clingy half turned vampire near the path Techno takes from the farmers market back to his house? The childs turning process seemed to take forever and it wouldn't even leave him to cook or hunt for it! It should've been greatful enough that Techno was even offering to hunt for it!

The vampire made a fucking nest in his room and clung onto Techno whenever he stepped within a five meter radius of it. The teething process seemed to take forever and he still had small scars and indents where the kid insisted on biting on his fingers and hands. It was oddly adorable when he thought about it later but still very gross. The kid acted like a newborn even though Techno is pretty certain they were at least twelve at the time. The kid claimed Techno as its guardian in that time. He didn't really complain, clearly whoever turned the kid didn't care about them. But now he was stuck caring for this vampire. And its name is Tommy. Tommy. Who the hell names a kid Tommy?

He didn't know a lot about vampires, he knew just about as much as other people that were taught to fear vampires and other creatures of the night. Of course he couldn't care less about the creatures believing if they didn't bother him he would bother them. Even though his knowledge was very little he knew that once the kid was fully turned he would have a few days with a certain blood lust random pieces of animals wouldn't satisfy. And usually it would be the sire to take the progeny for its first hunt. Techno ended up teaching himself and Tommy how to hunt like vampires those days.

And his knowledge only grew from there. The clingyness didn't go away after the kid was fully turned. It lessened but it never fully vanished. He claimed Technoblade as his guardian so Techno was forced to grow accustomed to his new life as a vampire caretaker. He bought as many books he would find about vampires, he learned their strengths and weaknesses, how to keep them calm, certain traits they grew, and stuff that wasn't in the books. Like how vampires would instinctively search for the part of animals least covered with fur or how they could run very fast but became tired more quickly.

He also learned they could use magic. Very little magic but enough to accidentally turn someone who was perfectly fine being mortal and they had an attachment to into an immortal that could still feel all the pain of a regular mortal. Oh. Did he forget to mention he found this kid in 1794? Yes. Do you understand how he's the victim now? If he never found this fucking child he would probably be dead and wouldn't be worrying about the deranged vampire gremlin child he accidentally adopted. But the universe only served to hate him.

Now over two hundred years later he was trying to stop a violent vampire child from going out and attacking the mortals. He doesn't like how hard it was to find silver in the 2000s. He never really liked the effect silver has on the kid anyway. But here he was trying to get a child down from the fucking ceiling so he can tackle it and weaken it with silver. So yes. He is the victim here. And now anyone that might be watching and reading his mind knows how he got into this situation. It probably still didn't make sense but there's probably some context in there.