STORY OF MY LIFE: KEATLARETSI

Chapter one

"I want a divorce."

Divorce? What is that? And why would he even want a divorce? Did I do something wrong? Did he fall out of love with me? Am I not attractive to him anymore? Am I that bad now and he cannot stand me anymore? Those are the questions I kept asking myself from the day my soon to be ex husband asked for a divorce. It kept ringing in my head. I couldn't make out why he would want to divorce me. We've been married for seven years and we were so happy together. Or so I thought. Marry your best friend, so they said. I married my best friend and today I find myself in the middle of a divorce. The same best friend that I grew up with. We were friends since our primary school days. I never thought a day would come where I would find myself here. But today I've decided to say enough is enough. I'm letting go. I'm letting go of everything. I'm signing the papers today. I'm letting go of a part of my life that I loved my entire life. Firstly when he mentioned the divorce I was scared. Scared of what people are going to say. Thinking that they will judge me. Judge me for not being able to stay in my marriage. But when I realized that I have been made a fool I said enough is enough. I've been a fool all our married life. When we got married we had dreams. Very big dreams. We wanted to achieve a lot and we did that. For young people we have done very well for ourselves. So when we got married my soon to be ex husband said I must tie my tubes. We had to be stable first before even thinking of having babies. And stupid me believed him because I was so in love to even notice anything. I had my tubes tied and he did a vasectomy. Or so I thought. But a surprise was waiting for me. He has two kids with another woman. Two kids! Lucky him. While I had my tubes tied he made a fool out of me and made me think that indeed he did vasectomy. The kids are 6 years old. This means came into this world a year after our marriage. I have a few questions that I would like to ask him. He walks through the door and is about to ascend the stairs when I ask him that we should talk. He says he is going to change then we will talk. Minutes later he's sitting on the couch opposite the one I'm sitting on. I take time and study him. Where's my sweet Rapula that I knew? He has changed. He is a monster. He might not be abusive but he is a monster.

Me:I'm ready to sign the papers.

Rapula:oh.

Me:oh? that's all you are going to say?

Rapula: what do you want me to say? Please do it quickly. There's somewhere I have to be.

Me:oh you're going to your little family? Yes. I know. I saw the birth certificates of your children.

Rapula: Keatlaretsi I'm sorry.

Me: what are you sorry for? You made a fool out of me. Told me to tie my tubes because we are not ready for children while you knew you were planning a family out there.

Rapula:I'm really sorry.

Me: your sorry is not going to help. I want you to tell me the truth.

Rapula: kea I don't want to hurt you.

Me:as hurtful as it may be, please tell me. I deserve to know.

Rapula: It started a year before we got married.

Me:oh. So you've been cheating on me for long. Go on.

Rapula: I still loved you and couldn't let you go. The idea of you being with another man haunted me. My love for you was, still is too much to let you be with someone.

Me: but still you're divorcing me. Rapula I left someone who truly loved and appreciated me for you and this is how you do me?

Rapula: your relationship was never going to survive. We both know that. You were a student and he was your lecturer!

Me: is that supposed to make me feel better?

Rapula: I don't want us to get divorced anymore. I'm getting a second wife.

Me: I really thought you loved me. But now I see how you've made a fool out of me.

I got up and went upstairs to our room. I started packing my suitcases. By the time I was done it was late. I pushed my suitcases downstairs and went for the last one. Tears couldn't stop falling. I got to where he was and took the pen to sign. He grabbed the papers.

Rapula: babe I love you. Please let's not do this.

Me: you've hurt me and it's enough. You wanted this divorce and now I'm granting you your wish. You can finally go and be with your real family with no Keatlaretsi to disturb you.

A knock disturbs us and he rushes to the door. He comes back with a woman with two kids. They have suitcases with them. I'm moving out and they are moving in. It must be nice being them. I worked very hard for everything in this house and this is how he does me.

Me: I see they are even moving in.

I turned to the woman who has broken my marriage. I looked at her carefully. She's beautiful. That I can give her. Then there's me a darkie. She's light in complexion. Maybe that's what attracted him to her. He was tired of seeing this dark face of mine.

Me:do you love him? Please answer me honestly.

Her:I'm sorry but I love him. It wasn't my intention to hurt you.

Me: you knew that he had someone in his life but that didn't stop you. Let me tell you something. I hate women like you. They are the reason other women live miserable lives. You've broken my marriage. I hope you are happy now. I'm leaving. I hope you take care of him. Take good care of him. Don't do to him what he did to me. Love him like he deserves to be loved. Be good to him. May God bless you all. And I wish you the best in your marriage.

I turned to Rapula. He had a surprised face mixed with hurt. It's like he doesn't believe what I just said. I meant it. I wish them the best. I'm not going to hold grudges and hope for karma to visit them. No. I don't believe in that. If God wanted things to be this way then let it be.

Me:God knows I loved you. But I will learn to live without you. Just as you learnt to love someone,I will also learn to love someone. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Take care of her. Don't lie to her like you did to me. And don't worry about me. I will survive. I will come back from this. I will rise to the top again. I always do. No matter what I face I will be fine. Be good. Have a wonderful life. I love you.

I gently took the papers from him and signed them. I had already had my lawyer,well our lawyer read them so I know what's in there.

Me:I will come back for the rest of my stuff or let someone to come and fetch them. Thank you for everything. I choose to believe that at some point you loved me. So thank you for loving me.

I kissed his cheek and pushed out my suitcases.

I got inside my car and drove off. I left Irene and drove to Mamelodi. I have a house there. Two bedrooms house.I bought that house before getting married and that's the only property that's in my name. The others I own them with Rapula. I wonder how are we gonna divide them because they are three including the house we were staying in. But I choose not to worry about that and focus on the road. When I reach Hatfield i stop at a garage that is just a few minutes after the springbok park. Springbok park. I used to come here a lot with my friends during our varsity years. It was our favorite place to come to. Especially on weekends. I fill my tank and drive a bit then stop. I start crying. It hurts. I may act tough but it hurts. It starts sinking in that I'm now a divorcee. I wipe my tears and go on with my journey.

After almost an hour I reach my destination. I have the keys so I open the gate and get in. I wave at the neighbours. They know me. I used to stay here before I got married. I park my car by the pavement and lock it. I unlock the house,but it's not locked...and what I find surprises me. My cousin is sitting on the couch with a man. I can't even see the man's face properly because of the smoke in this house. The man is smoking. Bonolo is here sitting with some smoking guy while my uncle thinks she's here working. What is this now?

Me:Bonolo what's going on? Aren't you supposed to be at work?

Bonolo:cuz I don't work there anymore. I got fired. But don't worry I have a new job interview.

Me: that's better. But can you please tell your friend to leave?

Bonolo: what are you doing with those suitcases? Are you and Rapula moving in here?

Me:we will talk later. Now I want to settle in.

I went to my room and everything was as I had left it. I lay down on my back and just let tears fall.