Formula One, Oneshots.

Lando Norris & Carlos Sainz Jr

Based on life really, not much to say. You'll figure it out :)
TWs - Swearing, Depression, death.
Enjoy :)

Maybe Carlos would like this. Lando thought to himself. Maybe just maybe if he was still here, he would hold my cheek and place a kiss on my nose. He smiled sadly. I really should've told him, everything. Lando angrily thought, those many silent battles became the norm for the British driver. Lately Lando hadn't really felt himself.
We'll never change,
The intense battles in his mind only getting worse. Lando had thought about reaching out for help, but he stopped himself, not wanting to be a burden. Carlos would've said I'm being silly, that I'm not a burden. Lando pondered on that, Maybe I was just a burden to him, maybe that's why he left me. Lando needed to snap out of it. Those thoughts were just not true, and Lando knew it. He felt extremely guilty for not much of a reason. If anything, there was no reason.
Out of mind,
Being in this sport, life never really stops. Especially not for Lando. He is always doing something, whether its team events, streaming or playing golf in between races. He always had to be on the go. It distracts me from thinking about Carlos. Although, not much can distract me from him. Lando hated how true his thought had just been. Everything he did, Carlos was somehow involved. We used to play golf together. We used to go out for dinner together. We used to do so much together. Lando says "used to" a-lot, they don't do anything together anymore. They haven't for a while, nearly a year. When Carlos left him a year ago, Lando struggled. He never showed it, of course he didn't, he didn't want people to pity him. He would rather avoid all human contact, if it could bring back Carlos. Carlos was his everything, yet Carlos didn't exactly know his feelings. Lando was going to tell him last year in Abu Dhabi. But he couldn't, and just like that Carlos was gone. Gone from his side, gone from his life, but always on his mind. There is one pain I feel very often, which I'll never know the cause, because it'll kill me before I find out. That was the sad truth, Lando had an illness. Caused by loss of a loved one. He couldn't move on from Carlos. Lando was too scared to move on, to let go of him. He had become so scared that he would often cause arguments between himself and his friends.
I told you, when you left me,
In the beginning, George had been amazing. He understood what Lando was feeling. He knew the feeling of losing someone you love. But George started to become sour towards Lando. Lando tried to apologise, he should've listened and not been such of a burden. I'm fucking stupid, I should've listened. George didn't care, he had told Lando before, not to fall a teammate. But he never listened, or at least George didn't think so. In reality, Lando had really listened to George and taken it personally.
"Do you ever think about anyone else but yourself?"
"Get a grip for fucksake!"
"You're being pathetic, and so childish!"
"If he knew how you were being right now, I'm not surprised he fucking left you!"
Supposedly George was someone he could trust. But after this, Lando couldn't trust a single person. Except Carlos, but he isn't here, so I trust no one. Being so hurt by someone so close, someone that it took so long to even let in, it cut deeper with each insult George hurled his way. Lando had felt let down, pushed even further than he felt before. Losing Carlos was enough, this was just the most fucking perfect "icing on the cake". The more Lando started to close off, the more people who noticed, the more it got talked about. No, no, no, I didn't want to draw in attention. I just want them to fucking leave me alone, please...
You don't have to shout and walk out on me,
Not only did George become someone he couldn't trust, Alex, Max and Daniel all did. The issue with Alex was similar to George. Alex was fed up with his always sad mood, face, voice. Max was much harder on him than George and Alex, Lando had actually cried, Max was just as oblivious as he normally is. Daniel was angry, he had felt left down by Lando. He had normally got motivation from the young brit, but that would be no more. The words of these so called friends, only painting a clear picture in his mind.
"When will you fucking get a grip?!"
"FACE IT LANDO, HE'S GONE."
"You disappoint me, always."
Lando couldn't help but burst into tears. He was so upset that his friends thought of him this way. They hadn't really helped him anyway, only being nice when the news broke out and at the end of the last season. From then, they had been off. Ignoring him, insulting him, making him feel like utter shit. They made Lando reconsider being in Formula One. The comments from his former friends stuck in his mind. He felt the sadness and anger building up in his tummy. It quickly spread to his chest and before he knew it, he was shouting out of his mouth.
"That's all I ever was, JUST A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. Some fucked up teenager that is crazily in love with his ex-teammate! IM SORRY, okay, I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry for everything I caused, to anyone or anything. You have no idea the amount of fucking guilt I've had on my shoulders the last year. DID YOU REALLY THINK I WASN'T STRUGGLING WITH HIS MOVE?! DO YOU REALLY THINK I WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY?! NO I REALLY FUCKING DON'T, so please just fuck off. Please just fuck off." Lando crumbled down onto the floor of the pitlane. The tears flowing from his eyes, his sobs louder than the engines of the multiple running cars. He just let it all out, he needed to, keeping it in was becoming to much. Lando felt himself being lifted up of the tarmac, big, strong arms wrapping around his waist. He kicked about to begin with, his eyes closed and blurred by too many tears. He pleaded, "Please George, fucking put me down." The person only continued carrying him, they were still in pitlane but moving. Lando tried pleading again, but it was no use, "Please George, just put me down." The person huffed out a big breath, "I'm not George, Precioso."
Lando froze, that strong, silky smooth, divine Spanish voice rang through his ears. His eyes shot open, his head shot up, his hands shot the Spaniards face. It is really you, Carlos. "You came back?" Carlos nodded, "I came to watch the end of the season, I was in Ferrari's garage and I heard you. Then I saw you, and I realised that I should have never, ever left you." Lando's tears had started gliding down his cheeks, the smile on his face as bright as the sun. Lando was so fucking happy. "I love you Carlos. But you may already know that." Carlos giggled, but smiled lovingly at the boy. "I did hear you, but if it wasn't for the whole of the pitlane hearing it, then I wouldn't have known. Would I?" Lando shook his head, "Probably not. I had wanted to tell you, I promise. But I had some issues with George, Max, Alex and Daniel, which caused my outburst. I just couldn't do it anymore Carlos." Carlos sighed, "Oh mi amor. If you hadn't had shouted it, then I wouldn't have been able to do this for a while." Carlos closed the gap between their lips, something that was most certainly overdue. The feelings, occurrences of the last year, poured into this kiss. It was by no means fast, it was slow and deep, passionate and tender. Time seemed to slowdown, both men finding themselves so entangled in this kiss. They pulled away, panting for a breath. Carlos smiled at Lando, "Te amo, Lando."
Oh, you are my everything.

One thing I may have forgotten to mention about Carlos was that he had retired from Formula One. I was still in McLaren when he retired from Ferrari. I was ripped away from Carlos when he left. He never came to races, he never messaged, called. But he gave me a purpose everyday, he is my everything. He always was and always will be. We weren't put in the best situation to make the best decisions back then, and that's how I fell in love. He wooed me and I couldn't stop myself from being smitten over the Spaniard. Look at all these tears I wept, it's funny now that I think about it. It's been 6 years since I argued with my closest friends. Now at 29, 30 and 31 years old, we almost always joke about it. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. And as for Carlos. We've been married for nearly four years now, we have two dogs and a lovely house. I put my heart into his hands and from then on, it was just meant to be. He's blessed me with the best gift, though it may not have been great in the beginning. That one pain I told you about, it was caused by the absence of Carlos, but it only proved to me who I am, and who I love.
I'm retiring next season myself too, reason for that: we have a child on the way. My days may be numbered in this sport, by my legacy will definitely live on.
Yours sincerely,
Lando Norris.