Formula One, Oneshots.

Carlos Sainz Jr & Lando Norris

Based on the championship and Lando missing Carlos. Lando's thoughts will be in italics. Speech will have quote marks.
Will include: Depression, Self-harm, Suicide and mature content.
Enjoy.

To be fifth in the WDC was a dream, but to be pushed down to Sixth was disappointing. But it was made worse by the person who out scored him.
Carlos Sainz Jr. Lando and Carlos have been friends for three years, soon to be four. The two got on really well and Carlos was just so amazing to Lando, always. He always made sure Lando had everything, he made sure Lando had eaten, he made sure Lando had done his laundry. Pretty much everything Lando forgot to do, Carlos reminded him. Lando was thankful for that, but also every time Carlos reminded him. It reminded Lando of the many un-ending feelings that he had for the handsome Spaniard.

Lando had been so closed off for a while, his heart closed off from love, he just didn't need the pain. Once or twice was enough for Lando to know that he was frozen in a long chain of feelings. Feelings so deep, that Lando hadn't even realised they existed. He knew he was attracted to the Spaniard, but he was too scared to admit that his attractions had turned to feelings to falling in love with Carlos. Lando had been so angry, but also so sad and lifeless that people had probably started to think he had gone crazy. He hadn't he just couldn't keep closing the vein that was crippling his heart. And by that, Lando means each time Carlos was on his mind that vein got ripped open, allowing himself to be truly happy. But each time he had to hang up, leave, overtake, beat Carlos that vein was cut off. Leaving Lando so lifeless, disappointed, depressed. Lando loved the feeling of Carlos cutting him open, those happy feelings, the feeling of love creeping up his bloodstream spreading all over his body. But then it was always so harshly cut off from him, immediately killing any happy feelings Lando had. It was a repetitive cycle, it's been this way since he was eighteen. When he had obviously first started having feelings for Carlos. Anyone could tell that Lando was destroyed by the news of Carlos leaving McLaren, let alone the fact that Lando was so defeated.

The tears of pure sadness and desperation, erupted from Lando. That vein being ripped open and so forcibly shut closed again, crumbling him like a pastry. Lando is surrounded by so many people, yet he feels so fucking alone. He feels loved when Carlos is around, but when he is not, that feeling is banished. Lando would say he feels like he's living someone else's life. Lando is not wrong, he kind of is. He lives one life where he is so happy and he feels at home. But then he feels instantly destroyed, no idea by what, but clearly something that doesn't like Lando. It was not something, but rather someone that was destroying Lando. It would take a professional therapist to work out who was destroying Lando, but why would he need all that when he knew, deep down that he was the one destroying himself.
Lando was so angered by Carlos leaving last year that, he blamed himself. Lando had felt that it was because he wasn't good enough for Carlos, I never will be. Lando felt it was because Carlos wanted to push Lando down into the dust, beat him in every race, always finish ahead of him, just to show that Carlos didn't need him. Lando was mostly broken by how much Carlos had, had an impact on who he was. They slowly started to laugh the same, joke the same, speak the same, it was all too much for Lando. That was when it all started. Lando had started taking razor blades to his skin. The deeper the cut, the more Lando believed Carlos would be satisfied that he had been punished enough.
"One for not letting Carlos pass to finish ahead."
"One for not being enough for Carlos."
"One for failing Carlos."
"One for being a disgrace to the team."
"One for letting my family down."
It had become a routine for Lando, each time he did better than Carlos, he would cut. The fifth one being the deepest, what a coincidence.

By the time it was the second to last race of the season, Lando had finished the majority of races in front of Carlos. For each time, Lando had finished in front, he cut, five times. Lando covered it, he tried to cover his facial emotions too. Occasionally slipping up when he and Carlos spoke during post-race interviews. He tried avoiding the Spaniard, wanting to punish himself even more. I deserved it, I don't deserve him. Lando had managed to ignore Carlos's reminders for everything, for the last 9 months. Carlos had begun to grow worried, but he had assumed Lando was just busy at the factory and with quadrant. Lando was not busy at all, during the breaks he would still train with Jon. But other than that, that was it. He wouldn't clean, he wouldn't do laundry, he wouldn't eat. He decided to punish himself even more for something that was so far out of his control. But he did it because be thought that it would remove his feelings for Carlos. Lando had been so wrong, he knew he couldn't stop the feelings. Carlos was his fucking soulmate, they fitted together like a one thousand piece puzzle. The feelings wouldn't stop, no doubt about it. But Lando had to do this, to prove that he knew he was not good enough for Carlos. That would've been the only reason Carlos left McLaren.
Before the second to last race, Lando was in the worse place mentally, that he had ever been in. He was a danger to those on track, constantly thinking about ending it all in a race and for it to be a racing incident. Lando needs to stop himself, before he hurt someone else and himself. He knew the only way to stop this. He grabbed the rope, tied a noose, tied it to the ceiling. He placed a chair underneath it, slipped his neck into it and let the chair fall.
"Michael? what was that big thud?"
Lando felt the life being drained from him body. His breathing was irratic. Good, and that's the last way it will be. His heart was so desperately pumping to get some blood around his body.
"Probably nothing Daniel."
"No that wasn't nothing. I'm going to look."
His legs wiggled around, tightening the loop around his neck. His face slowly starting to go purple, he was losing feeling in his fingers. Lando felt the last few breaths slip out of his mouth, eyes rolling back, body going limp.
Knock, knock.
"Michael if he doesn't answer that fucking door in the next 5 seconds, I'm kicking it down."
1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Ripping, creaking, slam.
"Lando! Lando!"
The noose was slipped off of Lando's head. Michael massaging his body to try and re-engage blood flow. Daniel checked for a pulse, no pulse.
"He's not fucking breathing Michael."
"I'll start CPR."
Michael started CPR on Lando while Daniel screamed bloody murder for help. Charlotte, Max and a team medic came running to Daniel. Michael was still going on Lando's chest, the team medic then took over, while Michael searched for a pulse.
Silence.
"HE HAS A PULSE."
Michael had found a pulse, Lando was alive and breathing on his own. Max had called for an ambulance, as well as alerting Seb and Mattia Binotto. Seb had come running to the McLaren garage, many sports channels were now following what was happening at the McLaren garage. It spread like wildfire, people had known something had happened to Lando, but not what it was.
Carlos had heard from Mattia that Lando had tried to end it all. He ran as fast as his Spanish fucking legs would take him. Lando couldn't die on him, Lando hadn't spoken to Carlos properly for nine months. Carlos wasn't going to let him off that easily.
Carlos had made it too the driver room of Lando's. Daniel, a two paramedics, Zak and Charlotte all in there. Carlos nodded at Max and Seb as he passed them and walked into Lando's room. Carlos already had tears flowing from his eyes, but the sight Lando was in, created sobs. Charlotte got up from Lando's side, understanding that Carlos needed to see him more. Carlos sat next to him, his hand caressing Lando's cheek. The sound of Lando's steady heartbeat bleeping loudly in the room. The paramedic started to explain Lando's condition,
"Mr Norris here, is going to have some neck pain from the loss of circulation. However, his biggest injury is not the attempted suicide. It is these." The paramedic lifted up the blanket to show the multiple scars on both of Lando's wrists. Carlos's eyes widened, "No, no, Lando, my baby. Why?" Carlos sobbed. Daniel watched him, it was heartbreaking. The Spaniard had confided in him about his feelings for Lando, seeing Carlos like this, was just about all Daniel could manage. He couldn't imagine Lando being Max, infact he didn't even want to think about it. Carlos listened to the paramedic while holding Lando's arm. "We have counted how many scars Mr Norris has all together. In total, Mr Norris has 55 scars, 26 on one arm and 29 on the other." Carlos looked at Daniel. Lando had the same number of scars on his arms as Carlos's car number. No, there is no way he did this to himself, over me? "Mr Norris is currently sedated, but the sedation will wear off in about 5 minutes."
Carlos wasn't angry at Lando, not at all. He was apologetic, he should've never left Lando or McLaren.
About five minutes later, Lando started to stir. The sedation was wearing off. Lando opened his eyes, he looked to his left, no one. He looked to his right, Carlos. "C-Carlos?" Lando whispered. "Yes Mi amor, it is me, I'm here." Lando let some tears fall, as did Carlos. Neither of them needed to say it out loud, they already knew, Carlos had never felt so scared in his life. Lando had never felt so stupid in his life, struggling with unnecessary demons because he was so terrified of rejection. Lando grabbed Carlos's hand, the Spaniards thumb softly grazing the back of his hand. Carlos looked at him and whispered, "I'm not going anywhere Lando. Never again my baby."