Four x reader (Divergent)

"Please, forgive me."

A chill ran up my spine as Tobias' head turned. My mouth felt dry and I had lost everything I had wanted to say. My plan had left my mind, did I even have a plan? For a moment I thought he recognised me, he looked at me confused and stood up, but that hope left when he raised his gun. "Drop your weapon." I clench my fist and hold onto my gun tighter. 

"Tobias," I speak slowly, "I need you to listen to me. You are in a simulation." I go to step forward, stopping when his trigger finger twitched. I put my hands up, keeping a firm hold onto my gun. I stared at him and tried to focus on my breathing rather than the churning in my stomach or the way that my heart was going to beat out of my chest. 

His eyes narrow. "Drop your weapon, or I'll fire." I feel the nagging thoughts of me not being able to do this slowly come back, I done my best to push them away. Jeanine had made it so that Tobias couldn't recognise me, I was someone else to him. Maybe he saw me but his feelings were different. Him shooting me won't be an issue. 

I slowly bent down and placed the gun at my feet. I never thought I would need to point a gun at Tobias, even before all these feelings had started. But now that I didn't have one in my hand, in front of one of the best shooters I know, I had already began to accept I might not walk out of this room alive. "Drop your weapon!" I jump slightly. 

"I did." I did my best to keep my voice calm. There was nothing holding me back from leaving right now, but my heart wrenched at the idea of all of this continuing and Tobias being stuck. My head screamed at me, stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He couldn't hear me, he saw what he didn't want to see. Me putting down the gun was a futile effort, he probably thought I still had it clenched in my hand, I could be pointing it at him for all I know. 

I look at his wrist, me against Tobias would not be a pretty fight. The saying 'a fight to the death is a beautiful dance' rings inside my ears. I either wait and get shot. I fight and risk getting killed by his own hands. Or... My eyes flick towards the computer, Tris was supposed to destroy the simulation but her being here would only make this more difficult. 

I take a deep breath, still leaning down I grab my gun and point it at Four's. When the bang rings through the room I push off of my feet and hands, dropping the gun, and charge at Tobias. His gun was dropped to the floor, leaving me to grab his hand and place a foot behind his leg. I keep a tight grip on his wrist as I push at his leg with my foot, bringing him up and falling just as quickly. 

I begin to run towards the computers, keeping my eyes on the code that ran across the screen. I knew that I couldn't beat Tobias in a fight, he had been doing this longer and was stronger than me. But I was faster in theory, if I could stay on my toes, I could create a beautiful dance. I could almost relish in my victory before my waist was grabbed and I was spun around, I forgot for a moment what was happening when I saw those dark eyes that used to be filled with anything other than rage. 

Lights flashed across my eyes as a searing pain went through my jaw, I fell to the ground and groaned. I held my jaw and kicked out my leg, hearing a body fall to the floor and an equally agonising groan. I look at the computer, I would never reach it. I stand up and roll my shoulders, I need to push Tobias away from my mind, this was another fight, it wasn't training. We weren't going to laugh afterwards, we weren't going to sneak smiles to each other. We were going to fight till one of us were dead, and I would be damned if I was going down easily. 

I placed my right foot behind me, and relaxed my back as I brought my hands to my face. I watched him carefully, this wasn't Tobias, he wasn't going to think carefully. Killing me was the only objective in his mind. I pushed away the feeling of my heart burning, and instead made all of my thoughts violent. If I wanted to beat him, I needed to think of him as someone else. 

My breathing slowed as I saw Eric in Tobias' place, as I saw him threaten to hang Christina over the Chasm again. I pictured the piercings and the eyes that burned into the back of my skull when he realised I was unhinged. The eyes that watched me carefully whenever I fought during training. Oh, how I hated them. 

I had never experienced my adrenaline since I was in stage one of initiation. That adrenaline that pushed me to keep fighting and made me enjoyed it. I had learned to control it so that I could prove I wasn't letting anything control me anymore. But the feeling of my legs wanting to bounce, the smirk coming onto my face and my heart becoming excited, I couldn't help my enjoy it. 

I watched as he launched at me, I thought I would become scared, weak. But, I tricked myself into thinking it was Eric and ducked under the fist that was going for the other side of my jaw. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him in, bringing my shin up and kneeing him in the stomach. I brought the rest of my leg up as he fell and kicked him in the nose, watching his body fall backwards. The illusion of Eric kept leaving as I shook my head and blinked, I would get distracted if I had to keep changing what I was seeing. 

"Okay," I leave the illusion behind and see Tobias. His nose bled and ran down his jaw as he wiped at it before looking back at me. "Let's see if you taught me well." I went back into my original stance and watched as he launched at me again, I went to do the same thing again until he changed his fist. I watched with wide eyes as the opposite hand collided with the side of my eye, knocking me back down. 

My breath is knocked out of me as he stands on my back. I look to the side, my cheek burning from being placed against the rocky floor. I spot my gun, I couldn't shoot him. I put my arms beside me and pushed up quickly, knocking Tobias away from me. I was never going to get to him like this. 

I continued to block incoming attacks as I thought about what I knew about him. The only weaknesses he had were in his fear landscape, and the woman who he had to shoot sat in my mind. I shake my head. I falter for a moment and get pushed back.

I put my hands up as my adrenaline slowly left, everything from the past few hours came rushing back and my eyes began to burn. "Tobias, I need you to listen to me." He grabbed my hair and brought his shin to my face, making me fall to the ground. Tears began to run down my face and I wasn't sure if it was from the pain or because of who done it. "Tobias!" He sat on top of me and I brought my arms up which were starting to ache from the continues pursuit. 

I look at the gun again. I don't know if I love him, but something was stopping me from grabbing it and saving myself. Maybe I was developing a hero-complex, where I had to save everyone. My mind runs back to Will, but you can't save everyone. I began to feel pathetic as I bawled and begged Tobias to hear me. 

"Tobias, I need you to hear me! Please?!" The next punch was softer but that quickly disappeared as the next one felt worse. I felt my ribs begin to ache as I mumbled a 'sorry' and brought my leg up. A low groan left as I pushed him off of me and ran towards my gun. I turned and pointed and he was doing the same. We were back in our original positions. 

My breathing was ragged as I thought about how much I fought to be here, how many people died so I could be. If I die now, Tris' father would be in vain. He voiced his distaste for me having to shoot people, self-preservation wouldn't be very Abnegation. I had only done things my way, never looked at it from another factions point-of-view. 

The cold muzzle pushed at my forehead, I done the same to him. I drop my gun and the muzzle pushed more. "I know you are in there, maybe you can hear me maybe you can't. But I'm not shooting you." A bullet clicked into the chamber and a chill ran down my neck. I place my hand on the crook between his shoulder and neck as I smile. "Never thought I would go out like this," I chuckle slightly, "pathetic. Isn't it?" 

I almost felt calm when I realised what would happen. Would I hear the bang? Or would a veil fall over me? I never thought about trying to come back from all that I have done, I never thought I could. I don't even know all that I have done, but most of it was deemed my fault. Could I be forgiven for things that I didn't even know? Could I be forgiven at all? 

I don't know. Tears stream down my cheeks but I keep my smile. I could always try to be forgiven, I should have tried. 

Please, forgive me. 

1706 words.