Randomly Thereafter | SakuAtsu

• Confused and Scared •

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? ARE YOU EVEN THINKING, ATSUMU?" Samu loudly yelled as soon as his twin entered their living room in the middle of the night.

He sat down in the couch while Atsumu just stood there confused and teary-eyed.

Osamu sighed in disbelief.
"Sit here, Tsumu." he said and tap the spot next to him.

His older brother obeyed and sat beside him with his head flung down.

"Come on, tell me... why'd you leave Kiyoomi-kun, your husband, just like that?" Samu asked emphasizing on the term he refered Sakusa.

Atsumu lifted his face, silently weeping which confuses Osamu.

"Why... are you the one crying, for God's sake?"

"I.. I don't know... I just... got... overwhelmed.. and I.. I said... no... when Omi told me he wanted to be a father...." Tsumu stopped for a while, looking for Samu's approval to continue.

The gray haired nodded slightly
"I felt... happy... but... scared..."

"You're happy because finally he initiated it.. what are you scared of?" Rintarō intervened as he walked inside the room.

"Anyways, Yuuki's asleep already, Babe."

The twins looked at him.

"I.. I... think... we aren't ready... I'm not ready... for that... Omi and I are always fighting and arguing... we aren't even mature ourselves... then we'll try to have a kid... I feel bad for him or her if ever..."

"Besides, I want Omi and I to enjoy our companies for a while.. I want him to enjoy not having that kind of responsibility" Tsumu said lowering his head.

"Having a kid is no joke... It's a big responsibility." Tsumu continued as he looked at his twin brother.

"Having a kid is indeed a big role... kind of difficult at times, but as you spend time with her or him, you'll learn and grow, Tsumu." Samu said smiling proudly.
"Like how we manage to raise Yuuki."

"But-"

"You're overthinking, Tsumu" Samu calmly commented rubbing his brother's back

"It's easy for you, Samu... because..-" he stopped as he felt his twin whack his back a little.

"What? Rin and I don't have the perfect relationship either. We argue too... but we settle it like normal people do. You and Kiyoomi also settle your problems too, but in your own way..."

"Don't compare us with you, guys. Do it the way you know, the way it should be." Rintarō said as he sat on a chair he pulled in front of the twins

"Come on, I'll dry your tears, you crybaby." Samu teasingly said and caressed Atsumu's cheeks.

The younger twin hug his brother afterwards as Rintarō watched them with satisfactory smile.

SAKUSA'S POV
I lay down in bed after washing the dishes we used

I wonder what's running in his mind when he said no...

But somehow, I can't put the blame to Tsumu.... I feel like I AM the problem...

What am I lacking?

What am I missing?

I'm doing my best... but isn't he satisfied with everything I'm doing?

What do I need to do to please Tsumu?

Am I not enough?

He could just tell me what I have to do... He could have just say it.... and not leave me like this.

I could have sworn I was about to follow him at Samu's house but... I stopped myself and give time for myself to think about this thoroughly.

Probably, the problem is really me...

When I said I'm ready to be a father... I'm so serious about it that I almost cry in excitement... but he doesn't seem to feel the same way...

I felt scared at that moment. I still felt like crying, but not because I'm thrilled but because I'm in so much pain.

I felt the tears in my cheeks and quickly brushed them away.

"Dammit." I whispered to myself.

I grabbed a pillow and buried myself into it, nuzzling my face while crying my heart out in so much disappointment.

Tsumu... Why do you always hurt me like this?

It hurts my morale.. It hurts me...

.
It scares me so much that all I could do is to lay here and sob all the pain crumbling inside my chest right now....