Pain Is Power

35: Pause

I held onto Yelena as she helped me into the car. Being crushed by part of a building hurt pretty bad. "You shouldn't be walking right now." She lectured me. "I'm okay." I lied not very convincingly either. "At least we got the bad guy." She smirked. "We don't tell dad about this." "What about the mission report?" "He doesn't read those." I dismissed

We go to HQ first to get checked over, if I go to medical at the compound dad would find out and he'd freak. He already didn't want me going out today after the whole bucky thing. 

Bucky had lost his temper with me in training last night and it wasn't pretty I had broken a few ribs and he nearly fracted my arm from where I was blocking punches from his metal arm. Something must have triggered him and he just snapped at me. I was scared but I tried to stay calm Steve got him off of me when he realised and so I was in less than perfect condition today. 

I did my mission report whilst waiting Yelena to be checked over and then we went home, Happy drove us he kept looking at me through the mirror and I gave him a look and he closed the partition I smirked in achievement. He was worried about me. That's all everyone's been thinking, they're worried Bucky's freak out was going to send me back into a spiral but I was in control. 

"Ready to fake not being hurt." Yelena joked as we pulled up at the compound. "A building dropped on you and you didn't think to call me." Dad greeted us at the car. "In my defense it was only part of a wall and I'm fine." "Medical now." "Already been, went at HQ. I'm fine." I say tapping his shoulder and walking into the compound. "Are you okay?" Nat asked Yelena. "We're very under staffed." Is all she said as she walked towards the stair case.

"A building Mila." "It was part of one and I'm fine." She cupped my face avoiding the cut on my cheek I feel like I always have some sort of graze on my face. "I'm okay." "You scared me." I tiled my head. "We were watching it from the cameras." "So no one trusted us. To exit widows who are crazy fucked up go on a mission together and everyone watches waiting for us to turn on you guys?" "No it wasn't like that." I pushed her hands away from me. "I'm pausing," I say firmly walking away. "Mila, let me explain." "Pause Natasha. Pause." I shout from the stairs. I get to my room and slam the door shut. 

No matter how high up the ranks and I climb or how willing I appear to be they'll always second guess me waiting for me to give into the brain washing. I change out of my suit and tie my hair up before heading into the training room. "You should be resting," Peppa tells me. "Don't want to," I say punching the bag. "Amelia." "I said I don't want to rest! I am fine." I snapped at her. "I'm pausing," I say throwing punch after punch.

"What does that even mean?" "It means she's losing her temper and avoiding an argument," Natasha says I hear heels disappearing and light footsteps getting closer to me. "She's right you know." "We're on a pause, you're breaking the rules," I tell her flatly. "I'm here to train." She says innocently. "I like to explain when I'm training." I hit the bag harder. 

"I was watching because I was worried about you both. I wanted to make sure you were being safe. You're both reckless with your lives you have no fear when it comes to dying to save people and complete a mission and it scares the hell out of me." "That's what happens when you're trained to complete the task at Hand Natasha. We're doing our job." "And I care about you too much to let you get hurt." "You- Pausing." I would have said something I'd regret. I wasn't going to keep bringing up her past over and over again it wasn't doing us any benefit. "I care about you, accept it or don't but that's the truth. I worry." "I can take care of myself." I threw another punch at the bag she was holding steady looking at me from behind it. "You're tired." "Don't tell me what I am." "You told me. In the car a few months back." "I'm tired of being second-guessed and questioned every step of the way. That's what I'm tired of. I'm tired of you pretending to trust us and I'm tired of everyone else looking at me like I'm a glass doll. Because I'm pretty sure I am more durable than all of you minus the literal God. So quit with the bullshit." I threw a final punch before I ditched the gloves and unwrapped my hands.