The Sound of Her Heartbeat

10. Decisions Unmade

Jenny's pov:

*Click* 

I hear the door, Shaylin is back. "Heyy" she greets me but sounds tired, well this is odd, I was expecting a jolly mood.

She just dropped on the couch beside me, rubbing her forehead slowly. "Headache?" I asked, "Not really" she answered, eyes closed "just a bit tired."

I gave her the coffee cup "Mom's treat" I said in a low voice "remember she used to give us 10$ to get coffee?" 

Shaylin: "Yeah" (smiles) "wait... you went to your mom's?"

Me: "Yeah, kinda wanted to see her".

Shaylin: "C'mon, I should've gone too, it's been a while, I hope she didn't mind..."

Me: "No no it's fine, I told her that we're busy and stuff, besides, didn't wanna interrupt your date."

Her face changed when I mentioned it. What the hell happened? After a few sips it looks like she is feeling a bit refreshed. I guess I can tell her now...

Me: "Um Shay.. I'm thinking about something, it'll be good for us both I think"

Shaylin: (Looks at me confused) "Everything okay?"

Me: "Um... no..."

I can see the concern in her face, she sits up straight looking at me attentively. My nerves are going bonkers! I don't know how to tell her what I decided, but I should've known that timing isn't right, she arrived home not too long ago and still might be tired.

"Honey what is it?" She asked in a slightly scared voice, god that voice is gonna make it even more difficult.

"Shay I think I should move out..."

Shaylin's pov:

Did I just hear that right? Is she serious? She sure looks serious, her eyes are teary. I put down the cup and looked back at her.

"Jen" my voice is breaking "what the hell are you talking about?"

She glanced at me for split second then immediately looked down, rubbing her hands on her legs, she is definitely nerve struck, my god she is actually serious! 

Jenny: "You know.. I think.." (gulped) "I'm always depending on you and uh... being a nuisance to your life, and uh..." (visibly nervous) "I..I think you'd have a smooth um.. love life, if uh.. I stayed away I guess" 

I can't breathe, is this real? She just started to say "And, your dating life with Adam is going so well...." 

"I broke up with Adam" I interrupted her, my voice is quavering.

Jen looked at me, eyes widened in shock, I hear her whimper, "Wh.. what? Di..didn't you.. spend the day with him?"

"Yeah" I feel lost "I tried to make it up to him by spending some more time as friends. That's.. that's why I'm late Jen."

Her mouth gaped, she is genuinely shocked, asking "Wh.. why?"

I broke down, my tears are soaking the couch. "Because I thought there is no hurry to have a love life".. "because I thought I'd rather give my love and attention to you".. "because you're more important to me than anyone else."

Jen is looking at me completely shocked. I continued in a broken voice "I thou.. I thought, down the line you will slowly learn to grow out of your insecurity, and have more confidence in our friendship... I thought.." I looked at her "that we have time for all that, let's just enjoy the moments together, just us..." 

I don't know what else say, what is she even thinking? I shook my head and said "But I guess now that I've broken up, my bestfriend will leave me to be even lonelier, just perfect isn't it?"

There is a painful silence in the room, absolute pin-drop silence. I finally spoke "Guess that's the second boyfriend I got rid off to nurture our friendship"... "and I know, you never asked, it's on me, I'm not blaming you for anything."

Jen is totally quiet, she sure didn't see that coming. 

Suddenly a desperation came onto me, I wiped my tears and said in a stern voice "Alright... I'll let you go, but on one condition" Jen looks at me, confused.

I grabbed her hand and almost dragged her into my room. Then I laid down on my back on the bed, put one hand forward to her, tapped the left side of my chest with my other hand, gesturing her to lay there saying "come here" then put both hands forward.

She didn't waste a single second, slowly laid her head on my chest and I wrapped my hands around her, pressing against me.

We stayed like this for a few minutes, then I loosened my grip, took my hands off of her. Jen didn't notice that, she is still on my chest, absorbed into listening to my heartbeat. I put pressure on her shoulder to get her up. That kind of woke her up from the trance. We both sat up looking at each other.

Jenny's pov:

She said in an adamant voice "Jen, I can tell if you're lying, so don't" 

I whimpered "O..okay?" I feel like I'll break into tears any time.

Shaylin: "You're addicted to my heartbeat" (pause) "So look into my eyes and tell me that you can live without it, without my love.. if you can confirm that to me, I promise I won't stop you from moving out."

I look at her with my mouth open for two seconds, then yelled out "I can't... I can't, I CAN'T!!" then I don't know what came over me, I just lunged at her, we couldn't keep the balance because of my thrust, we dropped on the bed hugging each other, sobbing. She's right, there's no way in hell I can live without her. What was I even thinking?

Between crying, she smiled and said in a broken voice nodding her head "Yeah, thought so.... bitch, you're not going anywhere, I'm not letting you, you're my heart, and you're right where you're supposed to be."

I can hear my mother's words in my head - "one thing I do know that you're one of the luckiest kids I've ever seen because if there is one thing you did right in your life, is that you made friends with Shaylin." 

*After a few hours*

We're in Shay's room preparing to sleep. The evening was pretty silent after our 'conversation', we ordered food for dinner and hung out in the balcony.

Now I'm laying on the left side of her chest again. After all the stupid things I've said, she should've stopped talking to me, but no, this goddess is loving me like she always does. I don't know how I'm so ridiculously lucky.

I kinda want to see her face so I looked up, resting my chin on her, she cupped my cheek with her hand and said "We had more than enough for today, lets just sleep, we'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded then laid my head back on her, listening to her heartbeat like always.