The Sound of Her Heartbeat

64. Come Back to Me

Shaylin's pov:

*Click* I carefully unlocked the door. Sometimes Jenny sleeps on the couch when I go out, don't wanna wake her up. 

She's not in the couch, maybe in her room? I walked two steps and noticed the balcony... 

I dropped the food pack on the floor, standing frozen! My heart just dropped, I can't breathe... What the fuck am I watching....

Jen's literally sitting on the railing of the balcony! What is she doing? What the FUCK IS SHE DOING!!! I calmed down my erratic breathing, pressed on my feet to quietly walk near the balcony door. "Jen?" I called her name, my voice is automatically shaking like crazy! Never been this scared my entire life! 

She was gazing out, slowly turned to me. Her eyes are blank, there's nothing, not a shred of will to live! What just happened? She again looked outside quietly. And her head's bandages, she took them off? Oh god!

"Babe.." I whimpered then tried to step in but she immediately stopped my approach by putting her hand up at me, still gazing out. "Don't come any closer" She almost commanded in a lifeless tone! I quickly responded "Ok, ok I won't.. I won't.." to keep her calm. Then asked "Jen.. babe, talk to me.." never felt so helpless before. The only thing that's going in my head is to get Jenny to safety.

Jenny's pov:

I dropped my hand, stopping Shay at her place because I don't want her to get close to me. 

What a mess, I didn't want to see it but now that she's here I'm hesitant to let my life go in front of her eyes even though I'm pretty much determined by now. Should I tell her something, a goodbye maybe? Like, what's the point?

I would've jumped off by now but somehow her desperately helpless voice begging me not to, is holding me back from doing it. There's so much plea, so much love in her cry that even though I'm almost leaning off the edge, I can't! Why does she love me so much, what did I ever do to deserve this much affection? 

"Jen please" She's constantly appealing to me "come back to me.. tell me what do you want, I'll do anything.." that quiver in her tone is heartbreaking. I know she'll do anything for me but I don't want her to. 

"Let me go Shay.." I said in my usual monotone voice, "live your life" not looking at her. 

She stopped for second and whimpered "YOU'RE my life..."

I closed my eyes in sorrow. "Babe" She continued "please, don't do this" her voice is completely broken from fear and pain. All I could whisper is "I'm done.."

"JEN.. I'm SORRY.." Shay cried out! It's like her exhausted scream in a last ditch of effort to save me in sheer desperation. Then she kept screaming -

"I'm SORRY THAT I DIDN't REALIZE WHAT YOU WERE GOING THROUGH"
"I'm SORRY I DIDN't LOVE YOU ENOUGH"
"I'm SORRY I..."

Wait, what did she say? That she didn't love me enough? Suddenly something jerked me back to reality... 

"I'm SORRY THAT..." Shay kept apologizing, I don't know for what but I'm not listening, I'm stuck on her apology of not loving me enough! What? Her words are echoing in my head again and again - "I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"

I started to reminisce as that ridiculous apology keep echoing in my mind. The very first day we met in the school's cafeteria...
(echoing in my mind) -"I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"

All those times she abandoned everything else to be with me...
(keeps echoing) -"I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"-

Every time I listened to her heartbeat while she held me in her chest with absurd amount of love...
-"I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"-

Every time she endured the intensity of my thirst for her, the love we shared physically and emotionally...
-"I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"-

Memories of our journeys, happy times, smiling, laughing together, her dancing with me on the prom night, just, everything!...
-"I'm sorry I didn't love you enough"-

"JEN I.." She abruptly stopped as I slowly turned back to her. I realized that not only I need her, she needs me too. She needs me to be the person whom she'd love like this, we complete each other, always did. 

Another thing I just realized that I've been obliviously sitting on this thin railing on my right thigh for so long that I can't feel it. At this point I don't think I can't control which side I'll fall to. "Shay" I said as I put my hand forward to her, holding the grill with another "pull me in, I can't feel any balance."

I can see blood returning to her face, "Babe it's okay" her voice found some energy back "I got you, sit still.." I almost looked down but she interruped me quickly "no no don't look down! look at me." I did, she's slowly closing the gap. I'm totally chill but I can see nervousness shooting out of her eyes! 

One quick SWOOP! She instantly grabbed my arm and snatched me to her, I lost balance even though I wasn't supposed to have any. Shay got me in her arms but the impact made her lose grip, her back thrusted against the wall, "AH" she yelled in pain, then slowly slid across and sat down, groaning as it's hurting but still hugging me carefully in her upper chest so that I get cushioned, as I just let my weight loose in her embrace! 

That's it, She started to bawl her eyes out, sobbing while firmly hugging me, I can feel her heartbeat blasting in my ears. I'm kind of unresponsive cause I'm all cried out already.

She wiped her tears, held my face at her then started to kiss all over it! Forehead, nose, eyes, cheeks, lips.. she's just non stop kissing, stopped to catch a breath then for the first time today scolded me, yelling out of the top of her lungs in pure anger "Don't EVER do anything stupid like that!" in a furious tone! 

But not waiting even a single moment, she started to kiss all over my face again! I'm totally silent, letting her go at it. What an insane amount of love! How could I even think of doing something like this, I've never felt so stupid in my life! 
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I can feel her subtly writhing in pain as we're still sitting in the balcony with my head in her chest and her back still against the wall. I think she's settled down, "Let's go inside" I whispered.