The Sound of Her Heartbeat

31. My Solace

Jenny's pov:

Mom gave me some time, then said "I never told you what happened after". I looked at her, I feel a bit better now, Shaylin being here helped a lot. 

"After two days" She continued "I managed a town lawyer to file for divorce... luckily that bastard signed without resistance from the jail." 

She shook her head reminiscing "... but I wasn't feeling okay, that hit.. got you bad, developed fever after, a bruise in the forehead, swollen cheek.."

"I remember.." I voiced faintly, those things are hard to forget. Shay softly pushed her face against mine, slowly rocking our bodies, I swear to fucking god I'd have collapsed without her!

"But worse.." Mom picked up "you were pretty traumatized, nightmares, not getting out of your room etc.. I couldn't endure anymore... and I was anxious that he could break out or something."

"So I decided to move to this city... Jerry helped me to leave Yenville, nobody except him knew where we had shifted..." She took a pause then said "I had the money to live better, but I wanted us to stay low..."

She looked at me asking "Do you remember my first coffee cart?" 

"Oh yeah" I asked "wasn't that a tea stall?"

Mom: "Yeah, Jerry knew the former owner, she sold it to me, I turned it into a coffee cart, then sold it later and took the barista job..." 

Me: "(laughingly quietly) I remember I loved that cart, was sad when you sold it."

She scoffed "Yeah..." then said "we were doing okay, then one day Jerry called, Gary died inside jail from health issue, you were 9-10 back then... I remember you didn't want to go back there but I still took you, do you know why?"

I'm looking at her, listening about this for the first time attentively. She said "Neither me nor the townspeople gave a shit about him, all they wanted was to see us again... they loved us Jenny, the funeral was just a formality because he had died there."

I whispered after a second "Wow!" 

"Yeah" She nodded at me "But we already had made a life for ourselves here, you loved Strawport, and honestly, I did too, everyone understood that, especially about you, so none of them even considered to communicate with you except Jerry."

She sat down on the floor with us, stroked both Shay and my hairs and said "Kid, you're happy now, you have someone special, a life, so I wouldn't tell you to change that, but now that I told you everything, know that our town isn't a bad place... if you want, you can visit there anytime, it's your hometown after all..."
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Mom walked with us to the outer gate. She held Shay's face in her hands and said "You can't even imagine how much I appreciate you girl, I could lift a burden off of me by telling my daughter everything because you were here..."

"Agnes c'mon" Shay's said in an emotional tone, mom hugged us both before before a loving goodbye. We're headed for Shay's aunt's house to drop the vegetables, then to our apartment.
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I open my eyes with a gasp, lips are shaking while breathing heavily. We arrived home a while ago, freshened up, changed and now hanging out on the couch in the living room. 

"Hey hey... babe?" Shay immediately grabbed me asking "what happened?"  

My breath is slightly heavy, I looked at her with tired, fearful eyes and said "I can't stop remembering that night Shay I can't.." in a desperately helpless voice. 

"Oh Jen, babe" She hugged me right away, stroking my hair. "You have to try to stop" She pleaded.

I silently stayed in her embrace for a few minutes, her smell made my breathing easier. "I have to..." I said letting go of the hug. 

Shaylin: "But why?"

Me: "I can't let it fester in me..."

I looked at her then said "I have to face that memory as many times I can, to the point where it won't scare me anymore..." somehow I my words gained bit of confidence as they came along.

Shay caressed my cheek and said "Then I'll be there with you". She took my hand and put it on the left side on her chest saying "Sleep to my heartbeat today, we'll get through this together, okay?" I nodded, then just staring at her. 

"What?" She whispered, still caressing my cheeks.

I said in the same broken voice "All the shitstorms life thrown at me, it gave me one source of light that is you. You're my solace."

"And you're mine" She responded with a soft smile, then gently pecked my lips. 
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*MOOMMYY...* I'm hearing my scream from that night (that monster looked at me in bloodshot eyes... and...)

I gasped open my eyes from the sleep. Panting like I've been chased by actual ghosts. "Mh Jen?" I hear Shay's sleepy mumble, realized that I was sleeping on her chest.

I sat up, trying to get my breath in normal pace. "Sorry babe" I whispered, my nightmare woke us both up. 

"Same?" She asked me, gently holding my cheeks. I nodded. 

Shaylin: "Hey... it's okay baby, it's just a bad dream, it'll go away I promise"

I give her a helpless look, this is the second time I woke her up. There isn't a shred of annoyance in her eyes and nothing but love in her voice. 

After a few minutes of talking we went back to sleep. "Just focus on my heartbeat, okay?"

"Ok.." I whimpered, hugging her while clutching on her tee. She held my head on her chest even more firmly! 

That rhythm... I know I'll be okay. This ridiculous amount of love can cure any trauma! Mine is just a nightmare.