New Girl - Ondreaz Lopez

47

-Ondre's P.O.V-

Everything that happened to her, all the scars, the pain, the loss. It's all my fault.

I shouldn't have let her go. I should have tried a little harder to make her stay. Maybe then we would still have our baby girl. Maybe then she would be able to look me in the eye. Hell I can't even look myself in the eye. All I see is the shell of a man who had everything, and lost it on what was supposed to be a beautiful day to remember.

Well guaranteed I'll never forget it.

Time isn't something I've been too keen on keeping track of as of lately. Days turn into nights turn into days and so on. I find my peace in a bottle of rum, and let the time blend into a period of my life I choose to forget while the liquor allows it.

You see if you hate your present state because of decisions you made in your past, then why not avoid a shitty future, by letting the present fade into the past, quietly and unnoticed. Nobody will ever have to suffer a future pain caused by my present decisions. Never again.

That's why me and this bottle of dark magic get along so well. We understand each other. This magic knows what I want what I need and it gets me there. This MAGIC is saving everyone from me. It's a fucking hero.

And with that I take another swig, and time fades to black, and I know peace again.

-Maddy's P.O.V-

I hobbled my way into the house, I see him on the couch, a bottle of dark liquor in his limp hand. My heart races and I know this is the new normal, to find him passed out on the couch, wasted every time. But every time I have to make sure he's still there.

I don't know how to fix him.

I stand a few feet in front of him with worry in my voice "Ondre" I croak.

He blinks and focuses his eyes on me. I let out a breath and drop my crutches, letting myself slide to the floor next to him on the couch.

"I need you" I let out. "I can't keep doing this on my own" I'm in tears now. This is truly breaking my heart.

"You're not doing anything on your own" he slurred

"Yes I am Ondre you aren't here. You haven't been here since it happened. I need you to come back"

"Why don't you go cry about it to Noah I'm sure he'd love to comfort you" He spat

"Ondre you don't mean that" I choked. That hurt. He's never been this nasty to me.

"Seriously Maddy" he raised his voice "I don't wanna hear how bad you need me or how sad you are! All I want is some peace and fucking quiet!" He yelled throwing the bottle of rum over my head. It smashed on the wall behind me and I looked at him in shock and in fear of what he might do next. His face was filled with rage and he looked broken inside. This is not the Ondre I know and love.

"I don't care what you want" I said through pursed lips, trying to keep my tears from falling down my cheeks. "I want you to open your eyes and see that you're driving me away. And I want you to care enough to do something about it."

He looked me in the eyes, and I thought maybe he cared for a second. And then it was gone, he disappeared out the door and I didn't see him again for the rest of the night.

I don't know where he went, and I can't let myself care or worry, I have to let my mind and body heal from this. I made it to the roof, one crippled step at a time, and lit the fire pit. I wrapped myself in blankets and cozied up on the patio couch. I don't like sleeping in my bed anymore. I'm sad when he's not there, but I'm afraid when he is. He had a really bad night last week. Stumbled into our room when I was falling asleep. I remember how fast my heart was beating. I didn't know if he was sober or not. But I quickly discovered how far gone he was when the verbal abuse started. I know he would never physically hurt me, but some of the things he said that night have stuck with me. And it makes it easier not to care. Which I know is horrible, but if you could have just heard the disgust in his voice when he told me that nobody could ever be turned on by me with that many scars. Or how he would never fuck a broken girl. He called me broken. And I never saw myself as broken until then. I just want him to come back, to be who he used to be. I miss him more than anything.

None of this is fair. I'm supposed to be the broken one. I could have died. My baby did die. She died inside of me and it's my fault. I killed my baby. I haven't let myself break down about any of this until now. Because this whole time I'd been holding out hope for Ondre. Hoping that if I stayed strong that he would eventually find the strength to move past this. But it's been almost 3 months and he just keeps spiralling and it never stops. I'm losing hope faster than he can get through a bottle of rum and I'm scared. I want my life back.

At what point do I need to pick myself up and leave? I could never do that. Because our relationship is worth fighting for. And so I keep fighting. But for what? Is this even considered a relationship? Does he even love me?

This back in forth in my head never stops.