New Girl - Ondreaz Lopez

57

-Maddy's P.O.V-

I can't kiss him. I want to. But the difference now is that I know the only reason I want to is because I'm searching for physical relief to the emotional battle I've been fighting since the day Ondre changed. All of this nonsense with Noah, and sleeping with him, I've been using him as an emotional crutch and it's not fair. It's not fair to him because I know he's getting attached. He's emotionally invested into something that's not real. What I have with Ondre is real. I know it's real because even with all the bad I still love him. I do I love him and all I want is to be with him. He makes me the kind of happy that they wrote songs about. And I know I don't feel that with Noah. He has been amazing to me and I've been mentally linking this temporary bliss to a false sense of security and happiness. I know I can't kiss him. I need to grow up and do what needs to be done. Which is hurt him. It's hard to hurt the person you've been bound to for the last chapter of your life. Every memory from when I woke up in the hospital to now, is somehow linked to him. I don't want to hurt him. But I have to.

I pull his hand from my chin, and I stare blankly at his chest, avoiding eye contact. I pull myself from his lap and make my way to the door. I stop at the threshold and contemplate going back to him. A safe place. Because I know once I go, I can't come back.

I twist the door handle but before I can pull it open, his voice echos through the room.

"It's him, isn't it"

I look back at him, fighting back tears as I see the broken look on his face.

"It's always been him" I croak. He nods, clenches his jaw and wipes his face. "Noah I'm sorry—" I start

"Just go"

His tone making it perfectly clear I'm not welcome here anymore. I stumble out of the room and fight back my tears as I make my way out of the house. I hear voices but it's all a blur. I just need to get out.

I drive to the place I thought I'd never go back to, and I'm not sure how I got there. I blacked out the entire drive. My mind is a battlefield. Do I go in? Will Ondre even want to see me? I don't really have a choice now do I, I just buried the haven I had. I step out of my car and walk straight to the door. As I'm about to open it I hear a song coming from my pocket. My phone ringing. I look at the screen and see my dads name.

My chest sinks as I suddenly realize the fact that I haven't spoken to my parents since the accident. It's been months. My dad came to the hospital for a few days during my recovery but my mom was too sick to fly out.

"Hey dad" I stutter.

"Hi honey, I uh, I think you better come home"

He continues on to tell me that my moms in the hospital. And that there's a flight leaving tonight that I should be getting on. Panic sets in and my body is flushed with adrenaline. I run back to my car, and I drive straight to the airport. I find my passport in the centre console of my car, tie my hair into a tight bun, wipe my eyes and drive to the airport.

The plane ride was blissful. It felt wrong to feel peace. But it's the first time I've felt alone in a long time. Flying high above my problems on the ground. It's like anything that caused me stress down there didn't exist up here. Part of me never wanted to come back down. To stay ignorantly at peace.

I can't help but wonder what life is like down there right now. What's going on, what everyone's doing, thinking, saying. Did Noah tell anyone I left? Does Addison know? Did she tell Ondre? Is Ondre looking for me? My phone is on airplane mode and I honestly think I'll keep it off for the time I'm home. These few hours in the air have been so nice. I don't want it to end. My life has been such a mess since I moved to LA. Was it even worth it? I never made it as a dancer, I got myself tiktok famous, pregnant and then almost killed. I've never had such an eventful life before. Here in cozy little Summerside PEI, I've never been worried about anything more than my rusty beat up truck breaking down. Being home really puts things into perspective. The air is fresher, the streets are quieter, the people are friendlier. And there's no drama. Well I can't say none. But little in comparison. The only thing about here is that my friends moved accross the country. Almost everyone I used to know here has moved to another province. Onto bigger and better things I suppose. Just like I did.

I'm now finding myself contemplating wether or not it's better for me to go back, or to stay here. With my moms health who knows what the future brings. All I want is for her to be better, maybe this trip to the hospital will be good maybe they can find a way to get rid of her cancer. I'm feeling very optimistic about this trip home. I think I'll find some clarity, and get my life back on track. Figure out where my priorities stand and build back the relationships I value most. I feel that I've neglected my relationship with my family the most and it's something I've now come to regret. Starting now that's all changing. I need to get my shit together and this is the start of a new beginning.