Number One On The List

The lies keep going

I knew she'd hate me if I was completely honest so this was not that hard for me to continue to do. I tried to make her mine but also try to make her feel like she could do better I suppose. I couldn't help but tell how people who I slept with were and those I associated with did the same and that was my normal but I forgot there are those who don't find that cool because they've been abused with that bullshit (fucking disgusting).

She may have really had feelings for me but I wasn't sure what I for sure felt exactly for her in return. My own brother wasn't like me and I was glad for that because he could relate to them for me to sort of understand. I had the heartless side to me whereas Daemon she'd his off a little not long after Dad... All I had on my mind was sex and he had Priorities and goals, I had dreams.

I was different when I smoked or did any drug or drank but I didn't notice any difference,  it was always everyone else. I knew then in an instant, that I was just like Ryder and every other guy who abused her. That I had been not much better but I was human, I made mistakes. Didn't mean I can't learn from then though. The pain I must have cause Rhaven... I couldn't believe how bad I really did fuck up such a good girl.

I did her dirty and tried to pretend that I was better than him but she was around so she got hurt the most out of anyone in this whole thing. Still. She needed a someone who would give her love tenderly if she needed it, give her a GOOD time. Was comforting and a little sensitive, understanding.  There would be young boys who came to me for sex advice and when I'd give it often the girl I was seeing or dating did get upset and that honestly should have been my BIG clue.

I was selfish and I knew I needed to apologize to her. For all of it. Even if she didn't want to see me because now it wasnt just about her, it tugged at my heart and it made me regret. I didn't want the boys to get embarrassed that's why I started to do it and it was only people I knew pretty well. The locals. I was headed out to Rhaven's when Daenon stopped me and said," She doesn't want you anymore, Tate. Let it go. Let her go. You know it's best for her now." I did. I knew he was right, but I also knew she needed to hear how fucked up it makes me feel to have done it. To have been like them.

"I know that she probably doesn't want to see me or have shit to do with me, but she needs to hear that I'm sorry and I'm not doing good because of the way I've been treating her. How I have talked about other girls and asked shit I shouldn't and how I think and shit. You have to understand where I'm co on from here," I said. I went towards the door and he didn't attempt to stop me from going over there.

I sensed something wrong in her house but I wasn't sure exactly exactly it was yet. I went up towards the front door when someone opened it. A girl. It was Isabella Sanchez.  "What do you want, Tate," she asked. "I need to apologize to her," I replied. She wouldn't let me past the door though. "She doesn't want to see you anymore at all. She isn't going back to school," she replied back.  The news made my heart break a little bit. I hadn't been the person she knew from the beginning at all.

I let myself drift away from the ME she knew. The one she fell for in the first place. She shut the door and locked it and I knew she went back to her bedroom and I could see it. She had a gun in her mouth! A shotgun! I knew I had no need to panic but I still did so inside.  Isabella walked into the room and quickly got the gun away from her and she began crying frantically.

I broke down myself silently outside on her front porch.