Number One On The List

Night Skies in Autumn

The night Skies in Autumn were some of the best because they had the prettiest views out of ALL of the seasons. Besides, nothing lasts forever. "You know, you didn't do it on purpose so you don't need to keep blaming yourself for it. For her death. It was a goddamn accident, Tate. I know you feel like if you had stopped or anything had went differently that she wouldn't have died, but she still would have. She was under your control so she'd have found a way herself, eventually," Daemon said, breaking the silence. Or trying to.

I couldn't help but constantly think about her death and what he had said. It was true. She'd have found a way when I turned away from her eventually to end her own life. She was fine with dying with someone around, with me around. "It's not as easy as it seems to just pretend that I could have made a better, different decision. Could have spared her some more time in life, with life. Things escalated faster than they should have and I'm not sure if I will ever forgive myself for it. Or even if I could. Daemon, I do appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for me, but you know that we cant just let it go. Not without being incredibly self-destructive first," I replied.

He sighed heavily and carefully chose his next words. "Yes, I do. That doesn't mean we CAN'T break the fucking cycle though. That we can't be different than Our kind. Maybe wrote letters to Rebecca and just keep them to yourself and locked away or burn 'em after written. It might help better than flipping the furniture all over the house," he replied back. I knew he was right about alot here. I should figure out a coping skill to handle this.

The time went by pretty quickly and the delivery guy was at the house and we were getting the food inside and heading in for the night. We didn't get far into dinner before there was a knock at the door. Wynrie stood on the other side and smiled when Daemon opened up the door. "Uh, Hey. Can I come in for a minute," she asked. He moved and she came inside.

"What do I owe the pleasure of your company, Wynrie," he replied. She blushed a little. "Pathetic probably, but I wanted to talk to you. About Tate," she answered back. The disappointment on his face showed as soon as she said my name. "Uh, oh.. Um.. What about him," he asked. She went over to the couch and sat down and looked him deep in the eyes and replied," He.. Is he okay? I mean, I only ask because he hasn't been in class and I'm worried about him. Especially after what he told me about Rebecca. Vaguely." He sat down next to her on the couch and couldn't help but sigh.

"He uh.. He's not doing well with her death, but I'm working on it with him. Think I may have gotten through to him to not blame himself anymore or as hard as he has been. Hoping for it anyway. It WAS an accident so he shouldn't be this rough with himself. There's that saying though so it could possibly be that for him. "The stuff you do for love" it's not easy to get over but I know given some time, he will. Hr just needs some encouragement right now. And I hate admitting this but regardless of how toxic things were and probably still are with her, Rhaven should know. She should be here to help him too," he replied.

He sighed again, this time a little heavier than the last and continued," She deserves to know that he's not coming back to school for awhile. His mental health is not great and it's better that he not be stared at everywhere he goes in school because he's likely to have a breakfoen or hurt people. And that's my brother so I refuse to allow him to do anything incredibly stupid if I can help it. You have to understand that, Wyn." She looked at him with her sad, little eyes because she did understand. She was too kind not to. Such a sweet girl.

Daemon came into my room once he saw Wynrie outside and we began to talk about things. "I'm sure you ueard our conversation and I want you to know that I'll turn in your schoolwork and get the new stuff for you. It's no trouble. I love you, Tate. Never forget that. Please, if you go somewhere for a walk, let me know where and when you'll be back because I can't lose you. It's you and me against the world and it's always been that way. So please, be safe and let me help you and help me by putting my mind at ease," he said, almost begging.

"Dae, I really appreciate your help or trying to, but it is a burden to you and that's something I won't be to you anymore. The stars shine and I know that's you shining bright and I'm the moon because I go with you like nothing else. And it's a shitty metaphor but it's true. We're the night sky and nobody else has that bond with someone. At least that I know of. I understand that you want to help and I'll let you do the schoolwork shit and let you know if I leave and shit, but you can't protect me from myself. I get why you want to but it's a waste of your time and I've taken enough of that as is. And I can't take much more of your life from you," I replied.

Things felt different but good because I had expressed my feelings to my brother about how I felt and hopefully he understood what all I meant by it. Camouflaged by probable selfishness and that's why I hadn't realized it until now. Until I just let the words come out.