Number One On The List

Part 5: Fucked or not to be fucked, that was the question

This time the question for me was not an easy one. Was it fucked or not to be fucked? That question make me lay awake at night, endlessly for hours at a time. All that she wanted was a baby to make her life complete and I just wasn't willing to give her that right now, but that didn't mean I wasn't hoping he would do the same thing.

I overheard as Wynrie talked to Rhaven on the phone about moving back into her childhood home, a home a few houses from where she lived now. I knew that would mean I was still close to her if she needed me, even though I knew she wouldn't. The thought was what counted here. I also overheard something about Ryder moving into Rhaven's old house and that made me have VERY strong feelings. I concentrated on Rhaven and began to see everything that was going on.

She was twirling her hair with her finger and began acting like a schoolgirl. Began to bite on her bottom lip a bit and seemed to be deep in thought. I overheard part of her conversation about the whole baby thing. "I don't know, it's like I think I can trust him one minute and the next I feel I can't. Especially since he isn't serious about much in life. He wants to be in this band he's been in for awhile and try to stick it out and make it big, but I'm just not sure. I don't know about a baby with him. Especially if he wants to make this band thing work. Don't get me wrong, I want his baby, but I also have feelings for someone else too. My decision is at a crossroads here, Wyn," she said.

I knew she was at a serious crossroads here with this decision, but it made me sort of excited because I knew she meant me by someone else. "Well, nobody can really help with these life decisions but I understand. I like this guy but I don't know what he thinks of me. Haven't made any inquiries so I have no clue. Doesn't mean I'm giving up on finding out for myself. Just be careful and trust your instincts or guts. You'll figure it out," Wynrie said. I knew I couldn't do anything because whatever happened now was her decision and I seriously had to respect that, even if I didn't approve or like it.

She ended the call and went to shower but something stopped her, the tears she had running down her face. I felt the pain inside of her and I could smell the tears she was shedding. The sadness in her was a depression like no other. I became worried, but tried not to let it show. I suddenly smelt the blood..