Number One On The List

Spacing out

Was I spacing out or was it a lucid thought??  After she finished up she headed back for a real shower and she could hear me on the phone. "Wasn't that great, not satisfying.  Could definitely tell I didn't want to touch her and vise versa. She was dressed and everything when she cane out of the bathroom and she proceeded to leave my house and head back home.

I figured I fucked up somehow but it was only me writing down what I was thinking about the situation.  It did feel like she didn't want to touch me and I didn't really moan much after a short time ao it must've given off vibes that I didn't want to touch her because I didn't really touch her alot when we'd do anything.

She stopped answering my everything and she stayed away. I could read her mind sometimes and now it said," I'm not good enough for him. Not satisfying.  He won't even touch me and he admitted it.  Said he doesn't want me to touch him and he doesn't want to touch me.. I know what I need to do." I remember the room going black and I knew she had turned off her thoughts so I couldn't see anything about her anymore.

She was cutting again, I could feel it. She'd relapsed or was headed for one. I didn't think she was close to an attempt but how wrong I was...  Rumors spread that she Overdosed, she cut herself deep so she was bleeding out slowly, she had been dead for hours already. Nobody knew which was the truth and which weren't.

She locked herself inside a room and stayed hidden there and no one ever saw her. She cried her heart out in that room, that dark, empty, lonely room. I could feel a breeze from somewhere inside so I knew water was going. She was probably just in the shower, I thought. I decided the best thing was to leave her be and let her come to me when she was ready.

Hopefully I wouldn't have to propose marriage and have a few kids with her before she'd talk to me again or Coke out of the bedroom. It was sealed by something powerful, most likely a spell. I overheard Wynrie on the phone with her. She was saying," I can't want him anymore. I don't. I'll never be enough for him, he's made that perfectly clear. He can't stand to touch me anymore when we fuck. And he doesn't want me touching him anymore either so I don't know what else to do."

I continued to listen and she went on to say that she wouldn't ever marry me and if we stayed together she'd cheat and find someone willing to give her what she needs. That her past attempts of suicide were being held over her head and she knew finally how I had felt and why I wasn't my normal self.

I couldn't explain the emotions we both felt at this point. I didn't want to let it go, let the relationship go. I felt I had to though. I knew she felt the same and that's why this was happening. Luckily we hadn't had any kids together or anything so it didn't make it any more awkward.  We just couldn't see each other anymore for anything.

We had to let go of what we wanted it to be because it would probably never end up like that no matter how hard we worked for it.