Marauders & their Evans

Fourth Year 1975

Chapter Twenty Six

What Remus said to me over the holidays wouldn't leave my mind even after the few weeks that had passed since we came back to Hogwarts. I like Amos, he is a nice guy and he is very good looking, I'm just not sure how deep my feelings for him go. These thoughts filled my head as I sat on a windowsill on an empty hallway.

I heard faint footsteps and looked up to see four boys heading this way. "There you are!" Peter exclaimed. "We were starting to think something had happened." James added. "I just lost track of time." Remus offered his hand to help me down. "Thank you Moony." "It would have been easier if we had a map that told us where you were, instead of having to search the whole castle." Sirius said. It was as if a light bulb went off in James's head.

"We should do it!" We all looked at him. "Make what exactly, Prongs?" Sirius asked. "A map that shows where everyone is all the time. It would actually help us plan more pranks without getting caught!" "That my friend, is an excellent idea. One for which I'm too hungry to plan right now." I said to James. Sirius laughed and put an arm around my shoulders. "Well we better get you some food before you turn into an angry little kitten." I scowled at him. "I do not get angry, and will you please stop with the stupid nicknames!" "Hate to break it to you Paws, but you really do." Peter said.

"Do not!" When none of the boys said anything. I shoved Sirius's arm off my shoulder and started walking away. Hearing Sirius laughed as the four of them caught up with me. "Oh come on puppy, you know it's a joke." Trying to keep up with the charade of being mad at them, I didn't answer him. It didn't last long though because Peter told the funniest joke, and I just couldn't hold in a laugh.

We arrived at the Great Hall and our path was blocked by a smiling Amos. "Hello Prim. Lads." He said to the boys. "Hi Amos." The ghost of a laugh still on my lips. "I was wondering, if maybe you would like to sit with me tonight?" Before I could answer him a voice spoke from behind. "She's already sitting with us, Diggory." His smile faltered a little and I instantly felt bad. "But you can sit with us if you want." I offered.

I didn't notice the dark mood that suddenly fell over Sirius's face at my offer. I only focused on the boy standing in front of me. I had thought about it for a while, and if anything were to happen with Amos, I want him and the boys to get along. Smiling as always he answered. "Sure."

Starving, I made my way over to the Gryffindor table listening to James go on and on about what his plan for the map was. Merlin, if this boy put the same effort into his schoolwork as he did with pranks I believe he would be top of our class, even better than my sister. Sitting down at the table I started putting food on my plate, and as James got distracted with something new I turned in my seat. I was surprised to see tousled brown hair and a pair of honey eyes, instead of the raven curled and grey eyed boy who usually sat next to me. I smiled at Amos and started making conversation with him.

"I forgot to mention it before, but thank you for the gift Amos, it was lovely. I'm sorry I didn't get you anything." I said feeling kind of guilty. "Don't worry about it, and you're welcome." James looked up from his plate full of food, suddenly interested. "What gift? You didn't mention it in any of your letters." "Well Prongs because it's none of your business, but if you must know, he gave me a bracelet."

Having Amos at my side instead of Sirius felt different. I just couldn't make up my mind on if I liked the feeling or not.

****

Sirius couldn't explain it. When Amos had appeared at the doors of the Great Hall his joyful mood had disappeared. Then Prim invited him to join them, and his mood got worse. Moreso, when he sat down in his place. He had been sitting next to Prim for the last four years, who did Diggory think he was waltzing in here and taking his place?

He felt like there was a fist clenching inside stomach, tightening more every second Diggory remained next to her. The only thing that could make it go away was to pull him up from the bench and sit down in his rightful place. He shook his head as if the movement would make the thought disappear. Why was he feeling like this? He told himself he was just being protective over his friend, the girl he thought of as his little sister. Deep down he knew it wasn't like that somehow, but he also didn't know the name for what he was feeling.

Thankful that none of his friends seemed to notice his change in mood, he tried to carry on with the night as if he wasn't thinking of punching Amos's nose a few seconds ago.

Now some would think Peter to be quite oblivious to the things that were happening around him, but he had seen Sirius's mood falter after their encounter with Amos and he was going to figure out the reason why. Though he already had a theory.

****

Much too soon dinner was over and it was time to head back to our dorms. After a rather quick goodbye to Amos, I rushed to catch up with Sirius even for just a few seconds. "Padfoot!" He stopped walking, and turned back to look at me. "Paws?" There was a question that I had been itching to ask him since we came back so I did. "How is your brother?" He raised his eyebrows at my question. "What?" Suddenly it felt as if I had said the wrong thing, playing with my fingers I asked again.

"How is Regulus? I know your secret meetings with him have become less regular. But I thought, since you both went home, perhaps you got to spend some more time with him." He gave me a sad smile before answering. "Not really. Mother kept us rather busy making sure he held up our responsibilities." A dark look flashed across his eyes, and I thought back to the time he had that panic attack, the things he'd said about his mother. I hesitated for a second before replying. "Would you like to talk about it? He shook his head. "Not today, Prim." Neither of us said another word. In the four years I've known him, not once had the silence between us felt uncomfortable and heavy, this was the first time it did.

We kept walking side by side until we had to part ways. I gave him one last glance. "Good night Padfoot." I said, barely more than a whisper, but the silence was so loud between us he heard me just fine. "Night Paws."

****

As he watched her walk away, all Sirius wanted to do was scream until his lungs gave out, to punch the wall until his knuckles were bloodied and he didn't feel the burning pain destroying him from inside out.

Back in Grimmauld Place, his mother forbade him to be with his brother alone. Worried Sirius might corrupt him, and tarnish the good reputation he still had. It felt worse since their secret late night meetings at Hogwarts had in fact become less frequent. And even when they did get the chance to meet, part of him felt like he was being selfish talking about his friends and the life he got to live when he was away from home. Away from all the pure blood responsibilities that now, unofficially, laid on his little brother's shoulders.

If he could, Sirius would have travelled back in time and never gone back for Christmas to that horrible place he felt wrong called home, but it was unavoidable. Just as it was unavoidable to be the main target of his mother's snide remarks, harsh words, and horrible punishments that left perpetual reminders on his skin. As unavoidable as the dozens of letters filled with hateful messages that had arrived almost twice a week since the start of fourth year. The ones that, without knowing why, he kept tucked inside a box under his bed.

But he doesn't want to talk about it. He would rather bottle it all up inside and be the charismatic, charming and outgoing Sirius Black everyone at Hogwarts knew. He doesn't know how to tell James, his best mate since they met back at the quidditch store, nor Remus, nor Peter, and much less Prim. And he doesn't want to either. He could never burden them with so much pain. With just how much darkness he has endured as a fifteen year old boy.

A/N

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