"Lost in Love"

Chapter 4: I Trust You

[Jungkook]

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Jimin and I were already in the country area and I had stopped the car to the edge of a large field filled with wild flowers. Jimin bolted out and ran out into the field. I knew he was crying because I heard him sobbing as he slammed the door and left the car. I took off the engine, came out the car and ran after him. This was just like in the showers all over again but this time I didn't back away like a coward: This time I ran to him. I wanted him and I needed to know if he wanted me too.

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When he seductively whispered the words, 'Kiss me' in my ear, it felt real. Like he really wanted me to do it. But then Jimin was a great actor. He already landed the lead male role in the play 'Cinderella' and it was his job as 'Prince Charming/Kit' to make the audience feel like he was in love with the little cinder girl. But then I also remembered how he said it in my arms last night while he was sleeping. It felt so real. Did he really want me to kiss him? I had to find out.

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Jimin ran up to the single tall tree in the field and stopped and held on to its truck. He put his head on the smooth bark and cried. I reached up close to him and stood right behind him.

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"Jimin... please... let me explain," I tried to sound like I had things under control but my voice was as shaky as the branches swaying in the breeze above us.

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He turned around and leaned on the tree as I came closer to him. His eyes were wet and I knew that my pulling away hurt him so much. I wanted to kiss his tears away but he wiped them with the back of his hand.

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I took a deep breath and exhaled, "I'm sorry I pulled away."

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"Well I'm sorry that I repulse you so much that you always pull away," he confessed but he was so far from the truth.

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"Repulse? You think that I'm disgusted by you touching me?" I didn't realize that's what he thought. He nodded and I came closer to him. "Jimin... You got it all wrong," I paused and came up to him. I made contact with him as my forehead touched his and I finally confessed how I really felt about him. "Jimin... That time in the showers and just now in the car... I pulled away from you because I didn't want you to see how much you affect me. I don't know if I can trust myself around you."

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"What do you mean, Jungkook?" He whispered and I heard his breaths getting stronger and faster. I also noticed that he didn't move away from me. This gave me fuel to continue.

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"It means," and I gently caressed the tip of his fingers, "When you reach out to touch me and when you say certain things to me, it triggers my body to react and I don't know what I'll do if it happens."

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"I still don't understand..."

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I closed my eyes and it all rushed out, "I want you, Jimin. I want you to touch me. I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me. I've only ever wanted you, Park Jimin. Not my ex Barbara, not Molly, but you. I want you."

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He remained still like he was soaking it in and when he spoke I heard the tremble in his beautiful voice, "Soooo why did you pull away?"

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"Because I... I'm scared of pushing you away. I'm scared of what you'll think of me. I'm scared... so scared of you ending what we have all because I can't control myself around you." I wanted to add, 'I'm scared that you wouldn't like me the way I like you'. But I still admitted something about how I felt about him. God I was shaking. I needed to know what he was thinking.