If I Stay✔️

13

E M I L I O

Guilt was a foreign feeling to me.

Very rarely did I ever feel guilty for my actions, maybe that's due to my hardheadedness, or maybe I'm too much of a petty bitch to admit when I'm wrong, or maybe I like to live my life with no regrets.

Who knows.

What I do know, is that right now I feel the most guilt I've ever felt in my life. More than guilt; shame.

I couldn't seem to get Leo's expression to leave my mind. The way his glare faltered as I admitted my truths, the disbelief in his gaze when I confessed to using Killian for my own selfish needs. And the worst part, the disappointment.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

If Leo had let me speak, then maybe I could've asked him what he wanted me to do. I'd happily cancel on Killian, I never planned on hurting him, and I highly doubt he has any form of feelings for me. I thought Leo was happy, I thought Marco made him happy. How fucking blind am I?

Was I that selfish, that I failed to see the pain in his eyes?

The same pain that was so evident today?

I don't know how I ever missed it.

The moments Leo and I shared today, left my heart feeling heavy, a wad of hope filling my chest.

Leo was my first crush, my only crush. I'd always dreamed for him to return my feelings, hoping that we'd end up living a fairytale, the classic best friends to lovers, living our own happily-ever-after.

Of course I had to go and fuck it all up.

Why didn't I question Leo about Marco's exclaim?

If I'd have just spoken with him, instead of playing stupid games and ignoring him, like the petty fucking child I am. Then maybe this argument could've been avoided, because if I'd have known the truth, as terrible as it sounds — I'd have never asked Killian out.

Killian.

I asked Leo's brother on a date.

His brother.

What a fucking mess.

How could I be so stupid? What made me think I could simply push the feelings I had for Leo aside? And how did I think Killian would help me achieve that.

In trying to spare myself of the hurt and rejection, I've only ended up hurting the person who means the most to me.

My person; my Leo.

***

I'd text Killian shortly after school finished, asking him to meet me at the movies, instead of me picking him up. I didn't want this date to drag on any longer than it had to.

"Emilio!" A familiar voice called.

Turning my head to the ticket stand, there stood Killian, a soft smile etched upon his lips as he gazed at me. His eyes roaming my figure, a flush of pink coating his cheeks.