If I Stay✔️

53

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, addiction, self harm, mental illness, underage alcohol consumption.

L E O

After breakfast ended, I spent the rest of the afternoon with Oliver and his friends. Felix decided it would be best to give me another tour of the building after I, subtly, hinted that I had no clue where anything was.

The tour took around thirty minutes, and Felix made sure to show me every single room and hallway, twice. After the tour, the six of us then had to go to the medical unit, located in the room to the left of the reception desk, to receive our medication. Apparently the nurses gave us our medicine at each meal time and they had to witness us swallow the pills before inspecting our mouths to ensure no foul play.

The fact that they felt the need to check my mouth made me feel weak. It took away another piece of what little control I had left. The rules, the schedule, having to eat when I'm told to, sleep when I'm told to... I was loosing more and more parts that I desperately wanted to keep. What would be next? Would I have to speak on demand? Smile on demand? Will I heal in this place, or will I crumble and fall deeper into the darkness?

At midday, Oliver and I then parted ways from his friends and went back to our bedroom for our one hour of free time. One whole hour, how thrilling. What could I possibly do that resembled anything close to free. I'm trapped in a place that makes me feel like more of a prisoner than my own mind, and there's no escape. There's no compromise or free will. There's nothing. Not one thing.

Laying back on my bed, I stared at the ceiling and thought over my options. I couldn't go outside, apparently that's not allowed during the first week. I couldn't draw, again, I'm not trusted with something as small as a paintbrush without supervision, or paints for that matter. What did they think paints would do? That I'd drink them and die? If only that was possible. I could call someone, but who would I call, Zac? No, I'd break down at the sound of his voice alone. My brothers or sister? No, they don't want me anymore. Emilio? Would he still want me, does he even know I'm here?

"I'm going to make a call." I announced to Oliver. He didn't look up from his guitar, not that it surprised me. Instead, he simply strummed the stings louder. Whether that was an acknowledgement of my words, or just to simply piss me off, I doubt I'll ever know. "Alright then."

Pulling my phone from my pocket, the same phone I was only allowed to use for the next fifty three minutes, I scrolled through my contacts and clicked the FaceTime button next to Emilio's name.

Please pick up.

It rang for less than a second before he answered the call, a beaming smile on his lips countering the shocked look in his eyes. "Le!" He breathed, the disbelief clear in his voice. "I'm so glad you called. God, I've missed you so fucking much." His bottom lip trembled and his eyes became glassy. He took a sharp inhale of breath before rubbing his eyes, his voice a little hoarse as he whispered. "How are you? Are you okay?"

"Hey, Em. I miss you too. A lot." I responded, unable to stop the soft smile that tugged at my lips. "Where are you right now?" I asked, hearing a lot of ruckus in the background. Using it as a diversion to his question. No, Em. I'm not okay.  

"School." He rolled his eyes, pouting slightly. School? What day is it? "It's lunch time right now. Your brothers and Lil are here." I winced slightly, which he, of course, noticed. "Sorry, Le." Em whispered, his face scrunching up as though he could feel my own discomfort. "I can go somewhere else and we can talk in private if you want? School's so much shittier without your company."