If I Stay✔️

77

J A C K

My fingers tense against Leo's cheek. I take a step back, eyes wide. My hand drops from his face down to my side as I stare at him, unable to comprehend what he's just said.

I want to go home.

Normally, I can read him like a book, every word, every twitch of muscle, every breath he would take could paint a clear picture in my mind of what he was thinking. Normally. Right now, however, in this very moment, I've never felt more sightlessly impaired.

I want to go home.

His words echo around in my mind, to the point that I feel them rest on the tip of my tongue. Home tastes bitter. More than bitter, it tastes wrong. I swallow thickly as a relentless force of crippling anxiety takes a swipe at my heart, like a thousand bullets are ricocheting from each aching beat.

This isn't his home anymore — not to him.

"You want to go home?" I repeat, my tongue feeling dry against the roof of my mouth.

He nods wordlessly, his gaze set on the oak trees at the base of our garden — our garden — is it even ours anymore?

"Le," I pause, finding myself tongue tied. My gaze turns pleading, "Please, don't." Please don't leave. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, hating myself for begging him to stay when he wants to go. "Don't leave."

I've never gotten in Leo's way when it comes to his choice, anything he says, anything he does, anything he wants; I'll always be his biggest supporter. Until now. Now, I'm doing something I swore I never would: I'm putting myself before him. And I can't stop the tears that threaten to fall from my own realisation.

I'm so sorry, Le.

Leo looks at me and inhales sharply, I can feel the pain that one breath causes him all the way down to my bones. I stare back at him, my eyes burning when I realise I still can't decipher the emotions in his. I can't read him — and that terrifies me.

"Charlie," he tilts his head, locking eyes with Char over my shoulder. "Give us a sec?"

I don't hear Charlie's response, too focused on observing Leo that I don't even realise his therapist has left us alone, not until Leo's shoulder brushes mine as he passes me.

"C'mon, fratello," Leo's voice is lighter now. His hand takes gentle hold of my wrist as he guides me towards the bottom of the garden, I let him tug me along without hesitation.

He sits on the grass, his legs crossing into a basket as he tilts his face to the stars. Without even looking at me, his hand pats the patch of grass merely centimetres from where he sits. I comply with his silent offer, taking the space beside him as my body mirrors his: legs crossed, eyes to the sky.

Silence engulfs us as we focus on the dark world around us. I listen intently as the wind whispers to the trees, a gentle passing gust as the branches sway and the amber burnt leaves fall from their once secure home, a dainty dance in the air till they reach the damp grass and fall limp.

Other leaves from surrounding trees fall above them, different colours, shapes and sizes, their decent just as magical as the last until they hit the earth.