If I Stay✔️

28

Z A C

I feel into the darkened abyss of my mind, as failure etched at my heart.

The feeling was there, a constant nagging in my veins as my world crumbled slowly around me, leaving me no chance to escape the upcoming earthquake. Minutes trickled into hours as the waiting became almost unbearable.

Scratch that; completely unbearable.

I wasn't overly worried about Grey. Call it 'brothers intuition' but I just knew he'd be fine. He had to be. Leo on the other hand, my stomach churned with anguish as my thoughts drifted to him.

I couldn't help but ponder over the events that lead us to this hospital. The horror filled words he spoke, the echos of pain that broke through the emptiness of his ocean like blues. Whilst his eyes were near empty, his soul seemed to cry out to me, a bone chilling plea for help. My help. And yet, I merely watched like a spectator as he succumbed to all his demons.

Demons I never knew he had.

Regret left a bitter taste at the tip of my tongue, an iron fist latching itself to my nape, squeezing so tightly that my senses got lost in the depths of my own failure. I should've been quicker, should've done more. Grey jumped without a second of hesitation, yet I stood frozen at the sidelines.

I was nothing but a mere coward and now, all I could only pray that I'd get the chance to fix everything that Leo felt was broken.

If he wakes, if he stays, there's so much that I need to say. There's so much that I should've seen, so much that I shouldn't have missed. But I did, I missed every sign he'd openly gave and that will haunt me forever. Whether Leo survives this or not, that feeling - that feeling I'm still not sure how to put into words - it'll never leave me.

I wish I could turn back time -two years to be precise- I wish I was back in Leo's bedroom, sitting with him on the edge of the window ledge as he admitted his feelings to me, a confession that I should've taken more seriously, but his actions had threw me off. I couldn't concentrate fully on the words he spoke as his legs dangled dangerously over the edge.

Fuck, if I could go back... I wish that I had told him then, what I might not get the chance to tell him now.

I wish I could not only tell, but show him. Show him how worthy he was of our love. Show him just how much we truly love him. Show him how much we need him. Show him how significant he is, show him everything he couldn't bring himself to see.

If only I knew then what I know now.

-

T H I R D P E R S O N

Callan's bloodshot eyes wondered around the waiting room, his azure gaze fixated on one of the many pamphlets that littered the white brick walls of the hospital waiting room.

What is Mental Illness?

Early Warning Signs;
1. Difficulty Concentrating.

Leo's school grades came to mind as he read the first sign. A straight A student crumbling and yet no one was there to help. They scolded him for something Callan has now come to see couldn't be helped. Leo needed support and they'd failed to give him that. Fuck, they failed to see the problem before it was too late.

2. Substance Abuse.

The drugs. They didn't give Leo a chance to defend himself before they berated and embarrassed him. Going on and on about how disappointed they were with him. Well, Grey did, though to Callan, they were all just as bad as their elder brother, himself included. Their silence speaking volumes as each of them failed to stand up for Leo once again, at least, not until he'd left the room.