If I Stay✔️

38

A/N: I listened to Healing by Matthew V as I wrote the first half of this and it fitted so well that I'm crying.

trigger warning: mentions of abuse, sexual assault/rape, drugs, problems with food, marco, suicide, mental illnesses.

T H I R D  P E R S O N

"Are you feeling better after your sleep? Is your head still hurting? Do you need some medication?" Zac asked Leo as he threaded his fingers through the younger boys brunet curls.

Shortly after their chat, Leo had drifted off to sleep, his head still resting upon Zac's chest, right above his heart. That same heart that was bursting with so much love. So much fucking love.

Leo had called him dad.

Dad.

Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

And Zac didn't know how much he needed to hear it. It lifted his broken mood, elevating him into a feeling of secure solace. And he felt warm, as though he'd been wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, the sides all tucked in at the right spot, keeping him secure and cosy. And with that warmth, his mind felt fuzzy and his lips rested with a constant curve. In that moment, he felt content.

"I'm okay," Leo responded tiredly, a short yawn escaping him as he struggled to lift his head, to which Zac raised an eyebrow calling him out on his bullshit. "Okay, maybe I'm a little bit sore."

"So, medicine?"

"No," Leo whispered, a content sigh escaping him. "I don't want to take anything, I like this."

Zac didn't comment, he knew by liking this Leo wasn't referring to his pain, more so his state of mind. The hospital drugs no doubt reminded him of his antidepressants and made him feel somewhat sluggish. Or maybe the effects were similar to those of the unprescribed drugs Leo had been taking...

Deciding it would be best for the both of them if he changed the subject, Zac asked, "Do you want to see the rest of them?" His voice soft and somewhat hesitant.

"Not yet," he admitted, twisting the blanket around his finger tips and pulling it to his chin. "I just want to spend time with you right now, can we just stay like this for a little while longer?"

"That's more than fine with me." Zac smiled, much more than fine. "Le, can I ask you something?"

"Mhm." Leo hummed, he had an idea of what Zac was going to say. Or, at least, he thought he did.

"About earlier, will you... are you..." he stammered, raising his eyes to the ceiling. He didn't want Leo to feel pressured into anything. "Are you... was that a..."

Chuckling softly, Leo slowly nodded against his chest, "Yeah, I still plan on calling you Dad. At least, if you're okay with that?"

With a grin so big his cheeks ached and his eyes crinkled at the sides, Zac hugged Leo closer. "Thank you," he whispered, burying his face in Leo's curls. "I would love that."

Snuggling himself deeper into Zac's embrace, Leo mumbled sleepily, "you don't need to thank me, I should've called you that a long time ago."

"No," Zac shook his head, laying himself down on the bed with Leo cradled in his arms like a toddler. "I'm glad you've said it now, Le. I'd never want you to call me Dad if it didn't feel right."

Leo rolled his eyes, Zac just didn't get it, he wasn't grasping what he was trying to tell him.

"It's always felt right," he admitted softly, closing his eyes as he continued. "You've always been my Dad. I'll always love and miss Mama and Papa, and I'll always wonder what life could've been if they were here, but they're not. You are, you always have been and I remember everything about you."