Hitting on the hitman

This broken wreck. (68)

It was 2 am as I lay on my bed, spread and still like a corpse. My thoughts weighed me down as though I was one.

I stared up at the ceiling for hours after Hunter left, and Gray hadn't bothered to come in and check on me. Though I was relieved he didn't.

I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, I realised that then. I was tired of numb thoughts, of pointless plans and of the blurred memories of Lucas replaying in my brain which I clung to, I had replaced food with the memory of him.

But I was still hungry.

So I finally lugged myself out of the bed but stopped at the door. My hand hovered over the cold metal of the knob as I debated with myself if I dared see Gray again.

But despite my hatred for him, I felt if I spent any more time wallowing in my isolation I might just lose my mind.

So I opened it carefully to reveal the bright hallway that stung my eyes a bit, but no Gray.

Had they really left me alone?

I looked down and realised he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall.

I hadn't heard a peep from him.

His eyes were shut though his lashes fluttered a little gently on his cheeks. His head was tilted up and his chest moved slowly as he took deep breaths.

He had fallen asleep on watch?

Was this my chance? To make a run for it? To grab his gun? Keys?

My mind raced as my eyes scanned over him.

But then my breath stopped.

He looked innocent, kind. Sleep had made him more vulnerable than I had ever seen him before, a man so horrid and evil, yet I saw something soft in him for the first time.

My heart sank when I realised it took him being asleep for him to show any softness, and then I realised it was sort of weird I was just standing there staring at him as he slept.

He was vulnerable, in the palm of my hand.

So why was I frozen?

And then, his calm, soft features scrunched as he frowned, he flinched and his breathing became quick. Panicked.

He is asleep, right?

Then it hit me as he began to mumble under his breath, flintching with his fists clenched and terrified sort of look on his face that melted the way I had seen him before, until finally he shot up screaming  "No!" With shaky hands and tears burning his face.

He hadn't even noticed I was there as his hands clung to his face.

He was a level shaken I hadn't ever seen anyone.

He rocked back and forth, digging his hands into his hair so harshly I thought he might pull it out. Pushing his head into his arms as the sound of dripping onto the concrete floor echoed through the hall repeatedly like a rushed beat.

"Gray." Was all I could mumble out. The shock of seeing such a brutal powerful man this way had gotten to me.

His head shot up at me with wide eyes, that's when I had the full view of this mess of a man.

This beautiful broken wreck.

He opened his mouth to say something as more tears gushed out and as nothing came out he looked back down and gripped his head tighter.

Was he having a breakdown?

Something in me hurt. I hated the sight of it. So I dropped to his side.

"Hey, your okay." I smiled, trying my best to pull the kindness out of me, I hadn't seen much of it lately.

So with guilt rushing through me, I took him in my arms, and to my surprise he let me.

Though he wouldn't dare look at me, I couldn't blame him.

His breathing was panicked, so quick and rushed.

I gently took his hand from his hair and squeezed it.

I knew this was strange. Guilt pang through me as the memory of what he did to Lucas came back, but I shook it away.

I didn't see that man in front of me, I saw a boy, a terrified little boy.

So I put my hands through his soft hair, holding him tightly. Assuring him he was safe.

I understood, no matter the person he was, I knew what it was like to wake from nightmares so terrible you want to scream all night.

Somehow this seemed worse than mine.

And after a while, his breathing slowed and the tears stopped and the softness in him that melted him like butter in my arms began to harden.

He pulled away carefully, making sure he was half put together before he dared to look at me.

"What happened?"

He clenched his fists as he hugged his knees.

"Night terrors." Was all he muttered.

"A nightmare?"

"Sort of."

"What about?"

He swallowed then. Eyes glued to the wall in front of us. He was stiff as a board and guilt trickled through me for asking.

"My family."

His family...He is next in line to be boss, that's what Bruno said because his father was the Boss, Angelo called him Gerald.

"Gerald?"

Gray's eyes shot to me again. Panic in his expression. "What do you know about Gerald?!" It was a shout, a demand. A panicked response.

"I know he took Angelo in, accepted both him and Bruno as family, I know he was your father. That's all I know."

Gray's gaze locked back on the wall, and he nodded slowly, his face pale like he was stone.

"He was my father." He swallowed and a piercing silence followed after him.

"What happened to him?"

He opened his mouth but his next words came out slowly as if he dreaded to say them but knew he had to. "I killed him."

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