all we seem to do is fight ever since we made it official.
well. i fight and she just stares and walks the other direction.
although today is more quiet.
"you're good?" jay asks making me snap out of my daydream and nod while putting a grape in my mouth, she stands up and rounds my chair to hug me from behind making me lean back into her.
"you sure?" i nod again making her hum as she sways me side to side for a bit before pressing a kiss to my cheek and goes back to her seat to eat her breakfast.
"do you think we're wasting each other's time?" i ask finally breaking making her look up at me and shake her head.
"no"
"then why are we fighting so much? we haven't sat like this in what feels like it's so long" i say picking my food.
"every couple has their rough patch" she shrugs making me roll my eyes.
"not like us"
"and? everyone's story is different isn't it?" she asks making me nod.
"how many kids would you want in the future?" i ask jay as i calm down from my laughter, i make myself comfortable against her side.
"zero"
"really? not even one?" i ask as my eyebrows furrow.
"nope"
"why though? i mean baby are so precious and all around just.. i don't know" i shrug.
"no. it's a cruel world we live in. i wouldn't want to bring someone into this world and have them suffer" she says pressing a kiss on my temple.
"don't think maybe the reason you feel that way is because of your past? and the shit you had to go through?" i ask her as i play with her fingers.
"partly yes. but i don't want kids"
"and what if the person you end up marrying wants to have kids?" i ask her turning my head to look at her.
"then we obviously want different things. as easy as i make it seem right now. i know it will be harder then but we want different things than.." she shrugs trailing off.
"okay.. do you see a future with me?" i ask her anxiously making her nod immediately.
"yes, i do. i wouldn't be dating you if i didn't" she shrugs again and gives me a smile.
"and what if i want kids in the future?" i ask removing my eyes from her.
"that would suck but I would have gassed. do you want kids?"
"yeah. it's something i've always dreamed off honestly. having my own little family" i tell her as i smile at the picture, "but that's like in years though. i want my body for as long as i can" i shrug.
"oh.."
"yeah.. so what if i accidently get pregnant because you don't wear condoms?" i ask with a chuckle trying to break the tension.
"that's impossible. i've made sure i can't get you pregnant" she tells me making me roll my eyes.
well.
"i don't- i don't know what now" i whisper out in the thick air.
"yeah, me either"
"do you think maybe your opinion would change one day?" i ask her sitting up while fiddling with my fingers.
"it's possible but i'm not gonna lie to you. i'm 24 and i can tell you that the chances of it changing a really slim to none" i nod while bringing my knees to my chest.
"okay, i need to leave. finneas needs me" i say standing up but she catches my hand back.
"billie, this is your house. i am leaving, don't stress" she tells me making me nod, i watch as she collects her things and opens her arms for a hug.
"don't think about it too much. we're just our fun right?" she asks against my head.
"it's kind of hard not to. we can't really move forward from here knowing there possibly no future of us" i hear her heart do more than one beat at a time before nodding slowly.
"right.."
"i'm sorry" i mumble.
"no, it's okay" she says letting out a breath before kissing my temple and lifts my head to kiss me softly and passionately, my hand grips her shirt as i squeeze my eyes shut while trying to pull her closer.
"i'm sorry" i repeat as i see her eyes well up before she shakes her head and kisses my forehead before silently walking out.
well..
enjoy your weekend! I'm not posting this whole weekend 🤝
