jaylin
"but you don't show any care for me" my eyebrows furrow as I listen to Billie reject my request for a date.
I bite my lip as I watch her get dressed.
I hate this. she comes over, fucks and reject me.
exactly in that order and I can't handle it.
"Billie, I am trying here. I don't know what to do dude" I tell her as I quickly put on my clothes.
"there's nothing to do" she shrugs walking out of the room, I follow after her putting on a sweater and meet her at the kitchen giving Claudia a small nod from the couch in the way.
"but Billie, this is me trying and you're not helping me. I don't know how to do this shit. I really am trying because I want to be with you" I say lowly just for her to hear.
"look I don't know what love is or how it's suppose to feel but I really think I love you and I am trying to show you and be with you. you just ain't giving me much to work with. I've never had someone constant in my life, I've never been in a relationship. all people have ever seen me as is a walking sex toy, so I'm sorry I approached things with sex during our relationship. I just don't know how it's done but I really want to learn for you. just to be with you" I tell her as my face deepens.
"so can you please help me and teach me?" I ask her lowly this time stepping closer to her and grab her hands but she slowly pulls away from me.
she quickly catches my arm when I was about to step back and kisses me making me wrap my arms around her.
"jay. I don't know. I don't think I can" she says lowly making me drop my arms from her waist, "I really would like to say yes but I don't think I will be able to do that for you. I'm sorry" she says shaking her head.
I lick my lips as I look away from her and nod, "no, it's cool. I can't force you too but I also don't think I can keep whatever this is going" I say gesturing between us.
I walk out the door without another word and get in my car hoping Billie will maybe come out trying to stop me but she doesn't, I let out a sigh pulling out and speed off.
I really think I love her.
Billie
"that was really fucking stupid Billie" is the first thing I hear when I turn around to find Claudia standing there.
"no, it's not" I argue shaking my head.
"it was. do you realize that you're doing the exact same shit que did to you, to her? she literally came to you being vulnerable and you quiet literally pushed her away" she asks folding her arms.
the hand full of times Claudia has hangout with jay, she grew really fond of her.
"it's not the same thing. we want different things and her confessing her love for me won't change anything" I shrug drinking water to release the lump in my throat.
"but did you think maybe she's willing to change that for you? or at least help her understand one or two things about relationship so that if her next relationship comes around, it's not the same shit? god Billie. that was really selfish of you. I want you to put yourself in her shoes for just a second and tell me how you would be feeling right now" her voice raises as she gets towards the end.
"fine okay, even if I consider it. I don't want to have whatever it is I always wanted with her and she will be unhappy" I shrug using my hands to talk.
"but Billie, if you love someone all that shit doesn't matter. it doesn't matter if you want a house full of trees while she wants a all black house. that shit doesn't matter anymore, it's about give and take, and compromise" she tells me frustrated.
"Claudia, even if I wanted to. I can't be with her. I don't know how to be loved right myself? how am I suppose to teach someone something I don't know?" I ask.
"you teach her what you can and you both teach each other. if you really want the relationship, you will figure it out but I think it's fucked that you came around and made her fall in love just for you to leave without second thought. that shit is fucked Billie"
that's the last thing she said before walking out the door too into her car and speeds off.
"fuck" I mutter as I press my lips into a thin line.
