jaylin
I nod as I press my lips into a thin line listening to Patrick trying to put together his words with his wife and Finneas by his side nodding along.
Claudia and Billie are cleaning up.
we have finished dinner and I got caught up talking about politics and shit with Patrick, someone we got to the topic of children in Congo and how racism's the base line of it.
they're so welcoming, I was anxious at first but I feel comfortable now. of course, I have met Patrick and Maggie because I use to work for them and I was working at Coachella but I'm meeting them as Billie's partners now.
I think they care more now about the type of person I am.
"and I totally agree, I just want to bring it back to the roots of racism" I say recalling his words, "as a black person, a person of color myself" I start as i feel billie stand next to my seat with her hand on my shoulder.
my hand wraps around her leg as my thumb rubs her calf for some sort of touch, "I'm someone who has lived with racism, I have experienced it and I have had near death experiences because of racism" I start pushing down the lump in my throat.
"it is really hard living especially in America, it is so bad and I have told Billie this before. I said I think the whole thought of bringing a child into this world and have them suffer is stupid but I mostly said that as a black person"
"because if I were to have a child, the child would be viewed as black and that immediately is a disadvantage. I've had multiple almost death experiences and what if it so happens that for my child, it actually happens and I lose my child because someone felt threatened by a skin color"
"it is completely messed up but no matter how much we fight, there is no change." I say ending my sentence, Patrick nods as he takes it in.
"that's true. I'm sorry I've had to experience those things" Maggie says with a sweat smile as she comes over to give me a hug.
"it's not your fault"
"where did you grow up? if you don't mind telling us your story" Patrick says handing me water.
"uh.. I was homeless actually from the age of six until nineteen" I tell them making his eyebrows raise in shock.
"my mom died when I was only two and I lived with my aunt until she died but they never took me in because I wasn't known or under my aunts name and I've been in the streets since until Danny got me my first job with you guys and I quit to teach myself since I've never been to school and now I have a office job that pays well" I tell them opening up.
"I'm sorry for rambling, it's just I'm really proud of myself and I've never told anyone except for Billie" I say chuckling nervously.
"you should be proud. you've done a lot for yourself, I'm proud of you. I can't imagine what that could have felt like" Maggie says taking my hand.
"she's right, I've done a lot kid. a lot of people couldn't have and I've been through a lot. you should be proud" Patrick adds.
Billie takes a seat on my lap as Claudia joins across me with Finneas, they both give me soft smiles making me smile back before turning my attention to Billie.
"I'm proud of you too" she whispers in my ear making me squeeze her waist, "thank you" I say thanking everyone.
