Koi No Yokan

Minju's Final Decision

Minju's POV:

It has been two days since I last spoke to Yujin. I was still seething in anger at her failure to tell me that Wonyoung was vomiting non-stop two days ago. I tried my best to avoid her by choosing to sit in between Kku Eomma and Chaen Appa. I was mad because she was irresponsible with Wonyoung. She hasn't matured over the years. It was always the same irresponsibility that we fought a lot about. It has been four years since we've met and nothing has changed for her. Nothing at all. It was after breakfast, everyone was clearing the table, I belonged to the Maknae line so as Yujin, we weren’t supposed to help the elders in the team in cleaning up the mess we all made. Yujin was sitting a few spaces away from me. Once the last plate was cleared off the table, Yujin spoke to me and scooted closer to me.

“Aegiya, please. Talk to me.” Yujin told me her voice was inaudibly soft.

“I’m sorry.” She follows up after not hearing anything from me.

I stood up and went to the kitchen and told Kku Eomma who was getting ready to wash a dish.

"Eomma, let me wash the dishes, just sit down please and let me do this." I told Kku Eomma.

Chaen looked at me in disbelief and Chaen teased me and said.

"Finally, my Minmin is all grown up." Chaen beamed at me.

"Jagiya, shut up. I've been willing to help you, you just don't 'need' my help." I replied to her and gestured an air quote.

"We both know you needed help, I can cook and wash the dishes, you just don't want me to do it, because according to you, my dishes doesn't look appetizing, the taste is great but the look none." I followed up, lamenting at Chaeyeon.

"Jagiya, stop being mad at me and Yujin. Also stop giving a cold shoulder to Yujin, we both know you can't resist the cute giant puppy." Chaeyeon replied with a hint of teasing in her tone.

She walked away shortly after not allowing me to respond and come back from her teasing. I was left with Kku Eomma sitting at the dining table for four.

“Eomma…” I called out to her, trailing off and thinking twice about asking her something.

“Yeah? What?” She replied to me.

"I just want to say thank you for taking care of us and making Chaeyeon finally cook." She replied to me.
 
That's not a big deal." she replied to me.
 
"Oh but it is a big deal for us, we've spent the past five years, four for Wonyoung and Yujin, starving ourselves because she wouldn't cook. We always eat take outs and I always try to cook food for us, it's just that my dishes look grossly unappetizing." I replied to her laughing.
 
"Minjoo, your kids can drop by whenever you guys are hungry even if it's late in the evening, this dorm is yours for food." She replied to me.
 
"Thank you, Eomma." I replied to her.
 
"Again, not a big deal, Minjoo-yah." She replied to me.
 
"I used to have the biggest crush on Chaen, but I gave up after a year of getting to know her, after the two Unnies died, I couldn't get her to sober up, Yujin came with Wonyoung and she was very forward that she liked me, I began to like her too eventually, save on days when she doesn't shut up about Wonyoung and her classmates, she's always blaming Wonyoung's classmates for my Wonyoung's health, when she couldn't be trusted like the other night, when she waited for Wonyoung to finish throwing up and when she didn't, she finally told me." I told her and sighed.
 
"Oh... Just a piece of unsolicited advice from me, talk to Yujin, the younger woman at least need to hear what's causing the cold shoulders, don't wait for another week, because like you gave up on Chaen, she could give up too, anytime she feels you're too much, after this, talk to her okay?" She replied to me.
 
"I don't know Eomma, this wasn't the first time she neglected my Wonyoungie." I  said pouting.
 
"Tell her you're serious, just don't turn a cold shoulder to her, she needs to know that you aren't kidding around, especially if this kept on happening prior to Wonyoung getting sick the other day." She replied softly to me.
 
I was slightly taller than her and I hugged her at the moment and whispered to her.
 
"Thank you, Eomma. You really are kind just like the news about you." I whispered to her as I held her in my chest.
 
"Hmmmm what news were you monitoring? Why me?" She said to me and laughed softly at me.
 
"Because Chaen and I were fans of you. That's one of the things we got along with, I know stuff about you and the way you worked with the 48 Groups, I also had an idea about your absence in the last five months, I disclosed this to Chaen, I told her that she should be careful of your heart when you first joined us last week. But the news could be wrong, speculative and could sometimes be just a story to entertain gossip mongers. I had a feeling Jurina had something to do about it, I just didn't expect the thing she did to be outright hurtful and deceitful." I slightly pulled away and offered a sad smile to her.
 
"We'll protect you, Eomma, we won't let anyone find out that you've been taken advantage of, we'll shut down everyone who says bad things about you, even if it means we'll physically fight Jurina, we will." I followed up to her.
 
"Thank you, Minjoo. But you don't need to physically fight anyone, I want you all to focus on doing a great job with our practices, let's show the world of Asian Pop, that we are a force to be reckoned with, that we are a Monster Rookie Group, no one will fight physically and I mean no one." She replied to me and patted my cheek lightly.
 
"Clear, Eomma." I replied to her and continued to wash the plates.
 
I wanted to ask her about Jurina but couldn’t find the right words to ask her.
 
"You can ask me anything." She told me.
 
"How did you and Jurina come to be what you were?" I asked her.
 
"Jurina is a respected member of the 48 groups, I merely tolerated her, until one drunken stupor caused her to confess to me, then from then on she successfully became my girlfriend six months prior to me finding out about her bet with Murashige-san." She replied to me.
 
"How did you feel upon finding out?" I asked again.
 
"I felt not myself, I stopped functioning as the Leader of our groups, I was a leader of both HKT48, AKB48 and a Vice Captain of KIV that time, I felt all control was non-existent, I just wanted to run away from my life as a J-Idol, so I did, I ran away from my life, taking two next generation aces with me, leaving the group ultimately and refusing to have a graduation concert and Mister Akimoto allowed me, he must've liked me very much or probably didn't liked me, but he allowed me to terminate my membership and did not push me to do a Graduation Concert." She replied to me sadly.
 
"I'm really proud of you, Eomma. Because you still came to Korea to get another shot at debuting as an Idol again, I'm grateful because you chose our company, we are grateful to have you here." I replied softly to her.
 
"If it were me, I would've never tried again, I would just vanish in Europe, live my life there. But you chose to retrain again with us, you're a very strong woman, I know my jagiya will be safe with you." I followed up to her.
 
"Minjoo, we will take care of Chaeyeon, we will make sure that she finally gets to debut." She replied to me.
 
She stood up from her seat and assisted me in drying the dishes, pots and pans Chaen used for cooking. I was happy she got her cooking skills back. Wonyoung ate happily and contentedly today. After washing the dishes, I was supposed to sit with her in her room, but she pushed me in the living room where Yujin was sitting, she gave me a quick nod. I guess it's time to set some records straight, it's now or never. I sat beside Yujin and inhaled in the process of sitting beside her and when I exhaled these words came out.
 
"I need to talk to you." I told her a little inaudibly.
 
"Aegiya? You're not mad anymore?" She asked me.
 
"I'm never mad Yujin, you know that. You know me and you know how I am." I replied to her.
 
She held my hand and stroked my purlicue using her thumb. 
 
"I know, I know you worried about Wonyoung. It was my fault. I'm sorry aegiya, I trusted when Wonie told me she was fine." She replied to me.
 
"Yujin, it's not because she told you she'll be fine, it means she will be fine eventually. Vomiting is a serious thing Yujin, she could die of dehydration." I told her and paused for a while.
 
I took a breath and released it shortly after taking a deep breath.
 
"We can't be complacent with our actions, Yujin. You are roomies with her and you are supposed to take care of her. We have a certain responsibility to care for our younger members and I feel like you can't do that, because you're a younger member too. I've been thinking of our relationship more these days." I followed up to her.
 
"Okay and you're saying all these because?" She asked me right off the bat, irritation evident in her 
 
"I'm saying all this because I need you to understand that that thing you did and then blaming her classmates for bringing her to that restaurant wasn't right. Wonyoung is having a hard time coping up with her activities as a debuting member of our team. She is the same as you and another added burden is her schooling. She is in her third year of highschool Yujin. She needs to have school friends and be with them for as long as she can, because they help her with her schooling. I'm also thinking we should stop trying to be together. The past four years have been bumpy and I can't do this over and over again. We haven't had any labels yet, because I've been in a constant battle with myself and my responsibilities with this team. Chaen couldn't function as the rightful leader of our team. I've been with them for ten years and I can't abandon Chaeyeon and just let her be. You knew this from the start and I will stand by her no matter what happens, no matter if she would like to die, I would go to hell with her and bring her back. I just can't continue going on like this, Yuje. I don't and can't love you more than the whole team. This team is my life and the sole reason I endured everything." I replied to her and paused.
 
A long pause as I finally figured out what I wanted in my life, the truth of me and where my heart really is. The whole team was my life, it was an inevitable thing for me to choose between being happy on my own or would I want to be in this team and forge on. The truth is, I stayed with my team and have provided them with their needs and emotional and physical support because they are my family and no one could make me choose between finding love outside of the walls my family have built for me or staying within the comforts of my home. The truth I've been trying to deny was, I would do it all over again for Chaeyeon, for Eunbi Unnie, for Hyewon, for Chaewon Unnie, for Yena Unnie, for Seri Eomma, for Haneul Appa and for Yuri over and over again. I would always choose all this for the six of the original family I had at WM. Those who were left standing with me through the last four years of my life. I would choose them over anyone else at least that one is clear for me.
 
"Let's continue as friends, I as your Unnie and you as my Namdongsaeng. I will try to be the best Unnie who cares for her dongsaengs. Let's end here while we still have fondness for each other Yuje, while we can still be friends. While I understand it won't be easy, you are allowed to approach me and the rest of this team, we are family after all and no one will be left behind when you are family. I know you can find a lover more than me, more than I have loved and cherished you. I'm not that person Yuje, because when you love, you easily forgive and forget and I can't seem to do that with you and I realized the reason why. It's because I don't love you as much as you do, I was in love with the idea of finally having someone who out right told me she loves me. You get what I mean? Having come out of Chaeyeon's horrible treatment of my heart, then you came along and the first day you told me you love me. That was what appealed to me, but my heart is a fool for beating at the wrong time and pace. So let's end peacefully, I'm sorry Yuje. I can't hold you the way you wanted me to hold your hand. I love this team more than I can muster to love you and I don't think it's fair for you right now. I don't want to cheat on you when we finalize what we are, because this team will always be in the way. I will always choose my team over you and over finding love for myself." I continued the litany of thoughts I have been having over the past few months.
 
It was only half of the truth I realized when Eomma told me about telling Yujin what I thought about our situation. Another thing that I realized was that my heart wasn't for Yujin. It had been beating for someone else in the team. Someone who gave me the most memorable memories which I guarded with all my life. My heart beats erratically for this person ever since we've met and we've known each other. It beats for Kang Hyewon and I've denied everything to myself. Even now as I spoke with Yujin, I was still in constant denial of the truth. It was Kang Hyewon who can manage to drive me insanely mad and happiest at the same time if that was even a thing. It was my truth and I will choose Hyewon over and over again, through good times and bad times. I won't ever have it any other way, because she's a great person who understands everything I've been through, she's always there for me and it hurts my heart that she loves Eunbi Unnie more than me. That is the whole bitter truth about this, I wasn't ready to come out with this truth. Not yet at least for now. I was for a time dodging the topic of our relationship, even when I had Yujin. She was always asking me what was up with Kwangbae and I. I told her in all honesty what I truly felt for Kwangbae at the time she asked me. I told her Kwangbae is like my family, she was like my brother or my sister. It was true and it had only been a few days since I realized that I love her more than that. It was the last two days when I wasn’t speaking with Yujin and avoiding her. Did I figure out all these feelings I had, just the thought of her made my heart do somersaults, backflips and race around like it was not a big deal. Like I can handle it, shame on you my heart! You can’t keep doing that to me! I told my heart upon realizing everything that I was feeling.
 
I have to accept that Eunbi Unnie also loves Hyewon and Hyewon was finally getting her happy ever after. I was happy for them both and I have accepted the fact that we won't ever get to be together. I patted Yujin's knee and got up from Kku Eomma's couch. Before she could convince me again to feel things for her, I would be damned eternally if I kept on using her. I have to redirect caring for Team IZ*ONME's Maknae Line and being a good younger member of IZ*ONME. I made my way inside Kku Eomma's room. Feeling lighter than I've been previously before straightening out things with Yujin. She and Kwangbae were playing on their laptops, Kwangbae was the first to find me coming into Kku Eomma's room as Kku Eomma was playing on her laptop. Kwangbae smiles a lovely smile at me and she redirects her eyes to her laptop screen and calls out directions to Kku Eomma. Which Kku Eomma calls back out to her and maneuvers her character around the game. I can never not be in awe of their capabilities to play these games and actually win, I can’t for the life of me play this game. Though Kwangbae Oppa would’ve helped me, she was the person who taught me how to play League.
 
"Eomma, what are you doing?" I asked her.
 
"Playing a game with Kwangbae, Why?" She answered me without looking up from her screen.
 
"Can I see?" I asked her rather happily as if I didn't just tell Yujin I don't love her as much as I claimed to as if there was no repercussions for my actions.
 
And for once, I was happy with my decisions, it was purely out of my own will and not because I have to take pity on her. I don't want to think this will affect the whole team dynamics we've already established.
 
"Yeah, Come here." She patted the space beside her.
 
She tilted her screen so I could see it more clearly. They're playing a shooting game of some kind. I only ever played LoL with Kwangbae and Ducky Unnie. This game was kind of fast paced and I can not for the life of me learn this game. I never really had it with me. Even playing LoL was hard for me. It took some time for me to learn Diana, the character I used mostly in LoL. Kwangbae liked Teemo, an assassin in the game. Mine was a mage who had the ability to reveal enemy locations. I have learned how to play this game with the help of Mong and Duck Unnie. Any other game I would give up sooner, I'm not a game person, I can't even guess songs through their choreography. How much more play games like these? Eomma was cool in her game, she heard footsteps shortly after planting what seemed like a bomb of some sort. She scoped in her sniper rifle and then fired shots. She killed that player by landing a head shot. Then another one, then another one and then finally another one and then a Clutch, Ace and Victory Banner came up. She dubbed the win for her teammates and she was the sole player left.
 
"Wow! Eomma. You play great!" I exclaimed gushing at her gaming skills.
 
"Yah, don't say that, I might lose the next round. Kwangbae, let's flank to their backs, don't rush into them. Let's catch them off guard. You plant the bomb and I'll watch your back." Eomma replied with an instruction to Mong Oppa.
 
I watched as she and Mong Oppa flanked to the back. There were two campers on their enemy's spawn area facing the other way, probably scoped in on their sniper rifles. Mong opened fire to kill one of the campers and Eomma scoped in and got another kill with a headshot. They advanced to the three other enemies and Mong threw a spell of some sort to the enemies rendering them unable to see their screens, because they all stood there doing nothing and just running around in their place and aimlessly firing at the ground, it was too late for them to detect Eomma's character because by the time they figured out about the plan, Eomma already landed three headshots towards them. It was so exciting to see them dub the win for their teammates who were dead by now. Then the headshot banner popped up and the win banner appeared simultaneously.
 
"That was cool, Eomma." I told her excitedly.
 
"Do you play games?" She asked me.
 
"I only play league of legends like Kwangbae and Ducky." I replied to her.
 
"Well, we can play league of legends now, wanna join us?" She asked me.
 
"Sure." I replied smiling at Kku Eomma.
 
I was genuinely happy that I got to play with her, I used to admire her and watched her Youtube Gaming Channel where she tries out every game she's in the mood to play. Never have I imagined we would be this close to the extent that we would play matches of league. 
 
"Kwangbae, let's switch to league of legends, so that Minjoo can play with us." Eomma commanded Mong Oppa.
 
"Sure thing Eomma." Mong replied to her with a smile.
 
She brings out her phone as I did bring out mine then Ducky Unnie appears inside Kku Eomma's room.
 
"Did someone say my name?" Ducky Unnie inquired as she entered the room.
 
"We're playing a round of league, wanna join?" I asked Duck Unnie.
 
"Sure thing!" Ducky Unnie replied.
 
We played a round of league. I sat with Eomma to the opposite end of her bed while Ducky and Mong sat at the foot of her bed. I enjoyed playing with Eomma as our support, she played a character named Leona. Which allows a buff towards our skills. We won a round after fifteen minutes of playing when Chaen went into her room and told us.
 
"Everyone get ready, we're going to my house." She told everyone upon entering the room.
 
"Okay, Appa. Minjoo, get ready now, use the bathroom in your room." Mong Oppa told me.
 
I rolled my eyes at Mong Oppa, she was rushing me because I'm a slow poke when I take baths. I stood up from bed and told her.
 
"I'm going now, Kwangbae Oppa, I'll see you in the bathroom." I replied to her teasingly.
 
"Oh I'll see you." She replied to me.
 
"Yah! You two! Not in front of my game." Ducky replied to us.
 
"Babo! I'm not going to go to the bathroom with Minjoo, remember I love Eunbi Unnie? My gadniss Ducky! I wouldn't dare look at any other woman but Eunbi." Mong replied to her.
 
It hurt to hear another affirmation from her. But I know where my place is with Mong Oppa and I'm not in a hurry to get into another serious thing I won't be able to get out of and salvage myself from. What matters now is that I am feeling alright, there was nothing weighing me down. 
 
"Yah You two! Shut your mouths and get ready already." Chaen admonished the two before I went out of Kku Eomma's room.
 
I soon made my way out of Kku Eomma's dorm and got into the hallway towards my dorm, which was located down the other end of the hallway. I was at last free from any worries, it was time to heal myself and to be happy on my own without putting my happiness in someone's hand. Seri Eomma would be proud of me, because I broke free from a love that was holding me down. I love Yujin but not as much as I love Mong. Mong gave me strength and power through this adversity and it has been weighing a ton on my mind. Now it's just me and myself, how I find true happiness is entirely up to me now. A little more push and we will debut soon, we're just waiting for another teammate to complete us. This journey to debuting took a lot from us. I'm happy that we held on tight to each other and we've come a long way. Unscathed but a permanent battle scar exists. I would never not love this team and who we became. Before I could finally reach my dorm someone suddenly held my hand intertwined and I looked back to see who just grabbed my hand and to my surprise it was Mong Oppa. She smiled at me, the charming ones she always had for me and subsequently asked me this question.
 
“How was the talk with Yujin?” she asked me.
 
“It went alright, we’re fine now, Mong Oppa.” I replied to her and inserted my key to the dorm.
 
“Spill the details please. Thanks.” She replied anxiously at me.
 
“I’ve decided I will be just her friend and I asked her to be okay with that, I also asked her to still approach me like her friend.” I replied to her and smiled at the fond memory of Yujin.
 
“Oh, then welcome to the Single’s Club.” She replied, smiling at me. 
 
“Huh? What do you mean, welcome to the Single’s Club? Didn’t you receive a confession from Eunbi Unnie last Sunday?” I asked her, confused.
 
She only shook her head no and smiled at me.
 
“I rejected her last Sunday.” She replied to me. 
 
“But why? That was your chance to be happy, Mong Oppa!” I replied to her.
 
“I can no longer be happy with her, not when I love someone else.” She replied to me and smiled at me like she was a little loose in the head.
 
“Why haven’t you told us?” I asked her.
 
“It was no big deal. Why would I make a big deal out of it? We’re preparing for debut and I’d like to concentrate on that.” She replied and smiled at me again.
 
She was giving me alarming smiles, because who else looks this happy while narrating their story of how they let go of their dream girl? That was her one chance to make Eunbi Unnie her girl and she now revealed she rejected her. I placed a kiss on her forehead as an apology for the decision she had made without telling anyone in the team. She was indeed stronger than I am and stronger than anyone else in the team. She put up with a lifetime of broken heart from Eunbi Unnie, she endured all that and came to this point that she moved on and found someone else to love. I was always proud of her and her achievements. I was always a supporter of her and her endeavors. Which explains why my heart seemed to be tumbling around and racing as if it was being chased by a monster. I have always loved her, it was clear to me now. Though she said she already loved someone else, which was by the way an ouchie for me, because I still can’t have her because her heart belongs to someone else, I was in no hurry to reveal my feelings for her as of yet. I would have to tell her eventually, once I am done enjoying my freedom and my life. 
 
I’ve been a dedicated part of IZ*ONME and I was unbelievably tired with the role I played just to keep everyone in the team afloat and alright, including Yujin. It was time to sit back and think of my Stage Name for now. I smiled gently at her and abruptly left the living room for the fear of her giving me a hug. She was stuck there for the time being. I made my way inside my room and got my clothes ready. I was excited to start over with my life as a single and unattached woman. There were a lot of things to learn for me, not that I stopped learning, trust me I’ve learned a lot about Mong, about myself and the other members. It was just that I was too focused on finding my happy-ever-after, which shouldn’t be the case, because I can always find my happy-ever-after. It should be the least of my priorities now, because we are about to debut as Chaen has told us.
 
 One more push and we are about to be heard by the public. We will sing beautiful songs and perform for our fans who have been long waiting for this debut. I just have to focus on myself right now, set some goals for myself. I wasn’t nearly as good in dancing, but my singing and songwriting abilities were enough to keep me afloat with the team. It was enough to make it through all the evaluations we’ve done, but I need to one up myself if I really wanted to debut with this team. Moreover, I will be finding out soon who was Mong Oppa’s new love and I would be surprised by it too, but it will be received well by that person. Mong was and will always be a charming woman, no doubt that she will be loved back by the person she set her heart on. Soon, I will find out the truth about her heart and feelings for this person. She will be telling me the whole truth and nothing but it sooner or later than I think. Oh, it will be a lovely surprise, it will change my life.
 
A/N:
 
Thank you for reading this chapter! We are getting closer to wrapping up this story. The next few chapters we will be skipping to three Months later, before they debut. Around November in the 5th year since both parents died. Then another time skip to a Month after debut. Then another time skip to a few months again for the 6th year Death Anniversary. I won't be elaborating anymore on other details, what matters is that we have everything sorted out already and everything is set from this chapter. As aforementioned in one of my previous chapters, this story is being told 'How I met your Mother' style for a reason. I'm excited for you to find out the reason why I wrote this story this way, that I actually wrote the last chapter a few weeks ago even before I wrote this chapter. 🤣😂✌️ Always spread light and love!
 
- Sky