INSECURITIES.

CHAPTER 34

Jasmine POV.

"Hey, Nicole!" I hear someone call, bringing me out of my thoughts.

Alex.

He has been using that name to tease me ever since I lied to him about bearing Nicole.

"I've told you not to keep calling me that name now, haven't I?" I ask him as I make a mental note never to lie about my name again.

"Maybe if you didn't lie about your name in the first place, all of this wouldn't be happening," Alex retorts with a smirk on his face, causing me to roll my eyes at him.

Alex has been asking me out for a while now. I keep turning him down but trust me when I say this nigga has the spirit of persistency in him.
He doesn't want to leave me alone.

He's always checking up on me to make sure I'm okay, he texts me in the morning before he goes to work and texts me whenever he's back home from work.
Sometimes, he goes as far as sending me streaks on snapchat to tell me that he's on a lunch break.

Like I care. . .

He's always asking me to send him voice notes and he's always requesting for a facetime too.
I must confess, he's really demanding.

Maybe he thinks I'm his?
It can't be tho because I always tell him that we can't work out but he just has this high hopes that I will eventually fall for him.

Little does he know that my heart has been given to one person and I can never love somebody else, no matter how hard I try.

I'm trapped to Dave and that is just the saddest truth.
The saddest truth that is so hard for anyone to accept.

"-So, that is how I ended up bumping into you, and I'm so happy I did. By the way, you look really stunning."
Alex says, making me wonder how long I have zoned out of the conversation.

"Oh, thank you," is my simple response.

His compliments doesn't make me feel as good as Dave's compliment makes me feel.
Dave hardly ever compliments me but whenever he does, I feel like the most beautiful girl on earth.

"Were you even paying attention to all that I've been saying?" Alex asks making me smile sadly at him.

He's trying so hard to make us work, if that's even a thing. But all his efforts are going fruitless.

It will be better if he gives that love to someone else, I really don't deserve it.
I really won't reciprocate it.
I hate to say this but the only person I do and will ever care about is Dave.

Any other person can just go to hell for all I care.

"You're zoning out again. Why do you always do this whenever I'm around you? what are you always thinking about?"
Alex questions, again.

If only he knew. . .

"I'm sorry, I think I should leave now, I'm feeling a bit hungry." I say to him, intentionally ignoring his question.

"Oh, that's not supposed to be a problem. I can drive you home if you wish and we can get some snacks from the shopping mart right now if you're hungry."
Alex says, care and concern written all over his face.

"It's fine, I will just get a cab and eat something when I get home." I reply.

"No Jasmine, I can't recall the last time we saw each other. Whenever I ask you to hang out with me, you bring up different excuses, whenever I text you, you take forever to reply, and when you finally do, you reply in one word. So now that I've gotten the chance to see you, I'm not going to let this opportunity slide. We must do something today, even if it's just getting lunch."

"Why can't you understand that I really, do not feel anything for you, Alex? And I'm doing all of this so you can let me go and focus on someone else. Trust me, a lot of girls are dying to get this type of attention you're giving. Including me. But not from you tho, from Dave." I deadpan, intentionally not voicing out the last part.

"We have a lot of pretty girls in my estate, I can even hook you up with a few if you don't mind. I'm sure there are some pretty ladies in your place of work too. Anybody but me, please."
I say, as I stare at him pleadingly to just let me be.

"Jasmine, I really don't know what you've done to me, but I love you. I know this might sound a bit cheesy but I've loved you since the first day I saw you. The way you walk,"

How do I walk?

"The way you smile,"

How do I smile?

"The way you talk,"

How do I talk?!

"The way I seem to be at peace whenever I set my eyes on you,"

He he.

"I am in love with everything that has to do with you, Jasmine. I can't believe I'm confessing to a 17 year old but I guess that's how life is. You can never predict what is going to happen in your life the next minute so yeah."

"That's the exact reason why we can't work out Alex. Forget about the type of body I have, I'm just seventeen. I still live with my parents, I'm not yet legal, even if we date, I cannot give you that satisfaction you want. For Christ sake Alex, you're freaking Twenty Seven. I'm sure sex is a normal thing for you but it isn't for me so please, just get someone of your age and let me be."

"Do I look like I fell in love with you because of your body, Jasmine? Okay fine, if that's the case, then I will never ask you for something you're not comfortable with doing. Especially sex."

"That's what y'all say."

"Jasmine. . ."

"I have to leave now, Alex." I say, cutting him off from whatever's statement he's planning to make.

Alex doesn't understand, he will never understand.
So there is no need keeping up with this conversation.

"Are you just really going to walk out on me?" Alex asks, hurt and frustration evident in his voice.

By this time, I had already stopped a cab.

"I'm sorry Alex, but I can't keep leading you on. If I give you that vibe you want, It will only make your love for me grow more and I don't want that for you. I will break your heart, Alex."

God, why am I talking like Dave?

But it's the truth tho.
I will break his heart because I do not love him.
Is that the reason Dave told me the same statement?
Does it mean that he doesn't love me?

Wow.

I begin to put some pieces together as I am seated in the cab that is driving me home.

I feel disgusted whenever I receive an incoming call from Alex.
I take forever to reply his text and even if I do, I just reply with an emoji to kill the conversation.
I never agree to see him. Whenever he talks about seeing me, I bring up different, stupid excuses.
I find the fact that he's putting in a lot of effort to make us work disgusting too.

Dave takes forever to reply my text. And whenever he finally does, he replies with just an emoji.
He never agrees to see me.
He tells me to give the love I have to someone else just like I said to Alex.
Only God knows if he finds it tiring to talk to me on phone too.
Maybe he's tired of me trying to make us work too so he didn't try to reach out as I left.

The whole conclusion is that Dave. Doesn't. Love. Me.

There is no other way to explain why he treated me the way I'm treating Alex now.

I fell in love with somebody who is never going to love me back.

My life is fucked.

*****

Zlatan will say "overthinking no fit solve problem."
Jasmine is such a crucial overthinker and she's just killing herself with assumptions.
I hope this chapter teaches you to "never assume." because in most cases, your assumption can be totally wrong from the situation at hand.

I'm sorry for the short chapter tho.
Will make it up to y'all.