Silent Pain : Landokuhle's Story

Chapter 06

#07 - Goodbyes are never without tears , saying goodbye to you hurts like hell.

Dad : "Today is the hardest day of my life , having to stand before all of you and tell y'all about losing the love of my life is even more harder. My heart is in anguish with losing its owner. I don't know where to even go from here on , I don't know how I'll be able to live without my wife. She was my life partner , the mother of my kids , my truest pure love & my heart. So how do I carry on living without my heart? *he exhales* My wife was a phenomenal woman ; she was kind , smart , loving , and compassionate ; pretty much all the good words I can think of apply to my wife. She was my everything , I miss her terribly already. She was a person who truly loved & believed in helping others." He quickly wipes his tears sniffing and touches mom's coffin and continue "Baby. Thank you for all the 48 years together , thank you for loving me and giving me our kids. I pray that they celebrate your life because you deserve it and they've gained a great angel. Till we meet on the other side." He walks to his seat. Gogozi and Mkhulu were up next , Mkhulu was to talk cause Gogozi couldn't stop crying.

Mkhulu : "Thank you all for showing face today to support me and my family. Those who don't know me , I am Dlamini , her father-in-law. UNolu wasn't just a great daughter-in-law but she became our very own daughter. She was one hell of a stubborn woman but it was all because she was a woman of class who knew what she wanted in life. She's a string woman , imbokodo uqobo ; I was there when she went through the most difficult and traumatic times in life but she always managed to dust herself up and continue living. They've tried bringing her down a couple of times and ending her life but like I said she was stubborn , she always managed to rise like Phoenix even after her terrible challenges. I hope the angels in heaven know they've just gained an angelic warrior. Lala ngokuthula ntombi yami." He says the last words brushing her coffin. (Rest in peace my girl.)

Gogozi : "Hamba kahle sisi. Iyobonana kwelizayo." (Go well , see you next time.) They both go back to their sits. We all as her kids go to the podium , Sim starts singing a cover for Heaven by Beyonce as his tribute to mama , we are all crying even him as he sings.

Sis'Zamo : "My mom. My beautiful mommy. She was my light , my strength and my absolute hero. We were two peas in a pod , joined at the hip. Mom always made me feel like anything is possible , like they were no boundaries. I've never felt afraid to dream or be anyone I wanted to be. I remember she once told me that when they first laid me on her chest at the hospital she said 'now I've met my bestfriend , my heart' and bestfriends we were. It's with a half heart I say that I will miss your beautiful calming smile and those comforting hugs only you can give. I love you so much mama. Till next time."

Sis'Khanyi : " Mama. You had your loves and you had your dreams. You watched us come and go. You watched us make the same mistakes that you made before , but that made you hold us tight and love us all more. We haven't always thought about the things that you have seen. To us you've just been 'Mama' , no thought of who you've been. But we remember now in love , your life from start to end , and we're just glad that we knew you , As mother and as Friend." I take the Mic with my visibly shaking hands.

Me : "I'd like to start with what I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for my family. We are a big, but tight group. They have been an incredible source of strength in the past few weeks and did the real work to make this service happen. Thank you.

I am also grateful that this room is filled with so many people that knew and cared for my mom. Seeing the tremendous love and support here for my mom and my family is humbling and inspiring. Thank you for taking the time today to be here. It means a lot.

Admittedly, this is a very emotional and challenging time for me. I've struggled to understand and accept this situation. Losing your mom is a deeply painful experience. It comes with a hurricane of emotions, processing, and reflection. My mind wants to reject it all but sadly this is the reality. My mom is no longer with us in this world.I don't know how you can summarize or speak to an entire life. There are so many intricacies. People are dynamic and their relationship with the world is infinitely complex. My mom was a unique human who was more than any of us can fully comprehend or speak to.So today I'm going to speak about my relationship with my mom. Our mom gave us the world , put it right at our feet and with her at our side there isn't anything we couldn't beat. Our mom was a woman who taught us to never lose sight , though times may seem helpless. She has shown us how through times of sorrows to look to the future and new days of tomorrow. Even though times are hard and all we feel is pain , remember that this too shall pass even the clouds and rain. So it is with heavy hearts and tears in our eyes that we lay her down to rest and say our last goodbyes. I will miss you everyday especially on my wedding day and when I have my own babies. I hope I can be an incredible mom like you one day. You showed such amazing strength these past few months and I am in awe of your positivity and selflessness through it all. You've been my angel on earth and now you can be my angel in heaven along with Nana and Khulus sho I know you've missed so much. Thank you for loving us and showing us what love really is and should be. I promise that I will look after dad and my small brothers and be here for them like you always were. I love you." I take a step back and Lele comes forward.

Lele : "Saying that I'm feeling sad would be a bit too shallow , words just can't explain how I'm feeling so low. Life has taken someone so precious , so dear ; it's just not possible to imagine that you won't be here anymore. Mama, this goodbye is going to be so painfully hard and long but I'll try being strong like you had taught us."

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I was tryna swallow this painful lump on my throat. My sisters were crying in their husband's chests , my older brothers were crying in their wives embrace with their wives , my small brothers were in the aunts arms ; dad couldn't bare to look at mom's coffin going down , he kept his head bowed and his jaws kept on twitching and I was numb.

Only family was in the cemetery. We were walking back to the yard -the cemetery is just in far end of the KwaDlamini yard. We washed our hands and were directed inside the house by Gogozi. They all settled in the lounge and dining room while all the men went outside to the kraal. I quietly moved away from everyone and managed to go be alone in the backyard garden.