MY OBSESSION | P.J.M

41.

Y/n

[homesick]

Will a time come where I think of him and the person that he is in my life, instead of what he left behind for me to deal with all alone?

We shared so many memories with each other, but why does it feel like I'm the only one suffering because of them? Everyone has moved on and I'm behind four falls that's trapping me in my past and realizing that I'm the only one left behind makes me wonder if I'm merely a collection of my memories of him, because when I think about it, all that's occupying my mind is him.

Outside of him, I'm not really anyone.

I seem to be far more interested in him than I am in myself. Every piece of me is nothing without him, everything I do is for him. I also seem to miss him more than I can remember him.

Have I really become this pathetic?

Somehow I've improved, they say. I don't have much left to work on, they add. But I sometimes can still feel my mind turn back to the past and dig up old memories that keep replaying till I sleep from exhaustion. My mind is in a constant memory lane. I've been getting treatments every day, and because of intensive therapy I've gotten better, so much so that I've been tasked with helping out in the cafeteria at the asylum, so I'm no longer locked in my room on a daily basis, I actually get to walk around a bit freely these days. I've also been assigned a new doctor at my own request. I couldn't speak to my previous doctor because I felt severely betrayed. How could he, my own doctor, not let me know what was going on all this time? A nurse calls for me to inform that Taehyung is here.

Right, he did tell me that he wants to speak with me again.

He comes and goes all the time. I used to be angry at Taehyung for a long time, I fully believed that he ruined me, how could he be a friend, once a lover, and not tell me a single thing about my condition? As much as I used to despise him, I still find a certain comfort in his visits. Taehyung is the only one I get to see. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

The feeling of comfort around him isn't weird when I think about it, I felt the same way when jimin kidnapped me. Or correctly said, when I stupidly kidnapped myself. Now in hindsight, I understand that he was doing it for me, and that his own feelings got in between. How can I blame him for that when I did the exact same thing?

I guess it's safe to say that we've all put our foot wrong.

I hear my name and I grad two drinks in each hand before my eyes find where his voice came from. I politely smile before sitting down next to him in the cafeteria. Is small talk even appropriate for us?