MY OBSESSION | P.J.M

49.

Taehyung

[This is what it has come to]

I hear a knock on the door. As I walk to the door a clump forms in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't long ago since Jimin left, he's not back already is he? I try not to mind the companion that is evading my body.

I take a look at the hallway mirror and rip a gray hair out of my head. I sigh before looking away, perhaps I should quit drinking all together. My body is no longer the way it used to be. I put a smile on before opening the door, not even bothering to look into the peephole. I swing the door open and my smile fades as quickly as it took me to put it on. The clump in my stomach solidifies- it's growing bigger.

I knew this day would come, but never would I've imagined that day would be today on a random weekday in the middle of the day.

I watch them as they watch me. They stand there as I stand in front of them. I can suddenly hear my wristwatch ticking and my heart as taken a new place right in between my ears. We let the silence make its presence known, none of us dares to break it. I glance at y/n and see her red eyes before I glance back at Jimin.

The clump grows bigger and I start to feel unsure of what to do. Should I speak? Should I move to welcome them in? The clump weighs more than I can move, so I stand still waiting for it to be gone.

Jimin displays an act of dominance by breaking the silence. "I think we all have a lot on our minds, we should talk." He moves forward to step inside. I manage to step aside, still holding on to the door handle.

I look away and nod. "Come in." I make an effort to speak clearly, even though the clump has traveled all the way up to my throat. It sits there, threatening to choke me if I say the wrong things.

I feel conflicted on whether I should continue acting or not. They are here together which means I'm already caught, but does that mean that I should give myself in? They are her to get me, to force me down onto me knees and beg for their forgiveness before they'll push me out of their lives again. No, I should keep pretending to be oblivious, I need to mind the hard work that I've put in through these years. My sacrifices mean more than the small amount of dignity that I have left.

As they pass me by I see them holding hands and I can only imagine how much they must've wanted to be close to each other. If I was allowed to guess, I would guess that I'm the one that mourns the most. I see them boarding a train I desperate want to be on, but all I can do is watch them pass by as the train rolls by. This exclusion will either end here today, or continue for the rest of my life.

I pity them even if I want to say that I'm the dolefullest out of us. All this time has passed them by, yet their minds are still stuck in the old times. Jimin practically drags her into the living room whilst I follow them. I will give them the pleasure to unfold the situation, and maybe I should promise them to be truthful for the first time since forever.

I don't hear a single word from either of them, and after a few seconds the realizations hits me; they're waiting for me to speak. "Welcome." Is all I'm willing to say.

I can tell that Jimin personally wants to hit me for that. Luckily for me he doesn't move from y/n's side. "I think you have a few things that you need to explain.

My nod recognizes that I'm in a position where I need to be truthful. Today is the day I'll come clean. With other words- it's the day that I die. "What do you want to know?"

"All of it."

"I lied to both of you. No, I manipulated both of you to believe in me. To believe in all the lies that I fed both of you." I'm not going to hold back anymore. "I convinced you," I look at y/n." That he was dead all this time." I turn to Jimin. "And I convinced you that you were abroad but I actually sent you to a different city." I continue speaking. "Why? You might wonder. The answer is simple." I reach my hand towards the glass table to grab my briefcase. "To separate you two from each other."

My pent up frustration is starting to get the best of me. "I needed you guys to be far away from each other because every time you are in the vicinity of each other y'all relapse." I open the briefcase. "It's kind of funny how contagious it seems to be. I've tried for so many years, I've done everything to fix all of this but still you guys somehow find a way to set us back."

I know I'm confusing them, but this is the only way they'll understand. "In here," I show them the content of the briefcase. "Is the answer to all of your mysteries."

They don't move to grab anything, they won't even look. I grab a handful of the documents and throw them on the ground. They finally bend down and read the papers. It takes them a while which is given considering the amount of information I just threw out. Their entire lives have been carefully documented, every single detail, every single trail and improvement- all of it has been documented.

I mostly watch y/n, it's he I'm the most afraid for. In a single second, her face goes through half a dozen expressions, each one more terrifying than the last as she hurriedly reads. I turn my head to Jimin, his face is stone cold. I know he is furious, he has every right to be.

On those papers lies the truth. From the very beginning to the very end, it's all on there. All the times I tried to recover their memories just for them to forget again. All the times I separated them to work on them individually, all that I've done for them is on there.

I know they don't recall anything from my previous attempts, but I do hope that they won't be mad now that they'll find out I've been trying for 20 consecutive years to help them. I've committed sick and twisted acts to get them back to normal but despite my efforts to change them, I alway end up at square one.

For the first time since the accident, I don't know what to do. I always had a plan b in case palm a failed but this time is different- I've run out of luck. I've tried saving them by creating numerous universes in this world for them and not a single one worked. I can hear them sob as I watch them throw the papers around and eagerly search for a new one to read.

I've ruined them beyond repair.

I was fine with being the bad guy if it meant they would become better. I was fine with ruining my own life if I could give back theirs. I chose to help out of love and care for them, and not because of guilt. But that's also what I'm worried about, because my reason to help them might not be seen as an admission of compassion. I'm afraid that they'll instead accuse me of jealousy and hatred. That I in actuality wanted to break them apart, when I wanted nothing more than connect them together at new.

In the span of 15 minutes, my biggest fear comes true. I see how y/n and Jimin look at me with rage and disgust. Jimin slams his fist full of documents onto the glass table, instantly breaking the tabletop into pieces. "Why didn't you tell me?" He screams. "Why did you do this all by yourself?"

I fall to the floor. They have no ground to trust me and I know that every word that comes out of my mouth from this day forward, will be nothing but lies to them. I spill my emotions all over the floor- I am heaping for air.

"I won't allow you to separate us anymore." He says, and that's all it takes for me to lose it entirely.

~D

The next chapter will be published this week, I promise : ).

Also, I apologize for not responding to comments, I've been incredibly busy but I'll try to be more diligent moving forward!