MY OBSESSION | P.J.M

31.

Y/n

[memory lane]

It's so strange how everything unfolded in this manner. How are you not with me? As if the destiny the stars placed, was merely a nightmare disguised as a daydream. I'm nowhere near or even remotely close to where the stars promised me I would be. I often wonder if this is the consequences of my own actions but that doesn't feel fair; I couldn't control a lot of things that happened because I never got to write my own destiny. Perhaps I should keep on standing here and hold myself together for a bit longer, even though I am falling apart.

In a way it's understandable why Jimin has been so violent. He already realized that he didn't get to choose and write the destiny he wanted, maybe that's why he was so aggressive because that was the only way he could rewrite it. He was clearly willing to any length to do so as well, it didn't matter for him if that meant killing someone or hurting the ones he love apparently.

He realized this possibility before me, which makes me wonder where I would've if I realized the same thing earlier. Maybe I would be happy as I would manage to force the stars to rewrite my destiny or I would end up like Jimin himself.

Maybe I ran too much and overused my body which was why I was so nauseous. But I can guarantee that the moment I saw lights beaming through the windows of a building I knew that I had to go in. I didn't care if I looked like a mess. All I wanted and needed was help.

A kind nurse directed me into a room and helped me lay down on a bed. He asked several questions but none could get into my head. "I don't know anything." I started off with, it was hard to speak as I was still out of breath. "I'm tired and my vision is blurry. My body and head hurts. " I could sense out that he left the room but it didn't take long for him to come back. I sat up because laying down made me feel more ill. I was focusing on my breathing when the nurse asked me to describe my symptoms yet again. I found it odd but I was too exhausted to think twice about it.

It felt like my lungs are collapsing with every passing second. It didn't take long before I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and a head leaning on me. I assumed that the nurse was just doing his job but he didn't even move a finger. He just held me tightly but softly at the same time.

"What are you doing?" I wanted my voice to come out strong, but my words came out in a form of a whisper.

"Sorry I'm just trying to reach the heart rate monitor behind you." His fingers hesitantly  peeled themselves off of me. In a way I could still feel his body and in another way I wanted him to hold me again. The heat from his body made me shamelessly feel better- it was as if it granted me a form of obscure comfort. What the hell am I suffering from to feel like this?