MY OBSESSION | P.J.M

44.

Taehyung

[Finish line]

I texted Milo before dropping Jimin off. I needed to let him know that Jimin will be out for at least 20 minutes and that every second that he isn't under my control needs to document thoroughly. Milo informed me that y/n was already heading home and that there isn't any need to worry anymore. Milo has seriously been reliable since day one, if I didn't have him, I wouldn't be able to carry out any of the plans that I've created since the accident.

I cannot take any risks, I need to keep tabs on both of them so the moment I got home I took my laptop out and document all the new events into a folder. I've always been confident in my abilities to help Jimin and y/n, but I've grown afraid these past few months. Way too many incidents have taken place which has forced me to create half-assed plans with a bunch of flaws. There are more threats than I can count on my left hand now that they both are geographically close. Everything from strangers interfering or, worst of all, y/n and Jimin accidentally meeting each other can ruin it all.

I've come to realize that I've carried a lot of shame in my life. Whenever I looked at y/n, I had to look away because the shame would grow large enough to choke me from the inside. And now that I spend more time with Jimin, I can't look at him as a friend because I know that I don't deserve to be a friend of his considering what I've done.

I am going to fix it all even if it takes a lifetime, I will get us to the finish line together. But at the same time, there's a part of me that wants to run. I want to run and hide forever, I'm afraid that my efforts to save them won't speak well of me. I'm also afraid that they'll resent me for stepping in, that they'll turn their backs on me once they find out what I've done to them.

I usually like to solve my problems by drowning in them. I let them pile up so they grow tall enough to devour me whole. I like to feed them with anxiety and watch them while they expand into a stronger version of myself.

Despite wanting to run away, I know that this problem doesn't only affect me; there are two more people involved. I cannot be a coward and let my shame get the best of me, I have to stay and finish what I've created.

In the midst of my worries, my bubble bursts at the sound of the front door opening. I pop my head out into the hallway to greet him. "Did you find it?" He looks up and greets me back with a smile. I wonder if he would still smile at me in the same way if he knew nothing but the truth.

"No, but I asked the locals if they knew of a place where they sold those." He took his shoes off. "But it was closed by the time I arrived, so I'll go back there tomorrow."

"You can borrow my blanket, I don't use it anyway." I start to feel bad for him again.

"Taehyung," He pauses before smiling. "I must look old now despite only being 28."

"Why do you say that?" I want to laugh the dread off of me but I can't find the courage to laugh in his presence today.

"I got called sir by a woman the same age as me. Twice, in fact." I stiffen up while he laughs and hangs his jacket up. "It took me by surprise really, maybe I should get Botox or something." He makes his way into the kitchen and I follow after him.

I finally laugh. "Stop spewing nonsense. You're the last one to need Botox" I drag one of the seats out. "Come on take a seat, I cooked a hearty meal for us." I need to shut those thoughts down for him, I can't have him think he's old already.

We start eating and I yet again feel my anxiety grow. I'm filled with all kinds of thoughts, there's a part of me that's starting to doubt my ability to fix everything again. I've created the perfect plan for them for so many years. And there's another part of me that has hope, I've gotten so far, why would I fail now?

Only time will tell when they'll meet but I hope that this universe forbids them from meeting again. I will not be able to live if that day ever arises.

"I know you don't like to talk about it." He suddenly talks and I look at him, already knowing what he is going to say.

"I know you're curious about her. But you know why I can't let you guys meet each other."

"No, I wasn't going to talk about that." He says in between his bites.

"What else is there to talk about when it comes to her?" I pour myself a glass before offering Jimin some.

He waves his hand to tell me no. "I couldn't stop thinking about what she must feel now. Do you happen to know if she... hates me?"

My heart breaks into two at his comment. If he only knew how much she misses him. "She doesn't want to see you at the moment." I lie. "You know I can't force her to meet someone she doesn't even want to hear from."

I see something break inside his eyes and for a split second, I wanted to drag the curtains and reveal what I've been hiding from him, but I knew that he wasn't ready for the truth either. "Oh." He lowly answers.

I didn't speak a single word more to him that night. I'm not doing this out of hatred or jealousy because quite frankly, I've got nothing but love for them in my soul. But that's the problem, right? I love them as much as I'm capable of loving anyone, which is never enough.

As I'm about to head out to throw the trash out, my phone vibrates in my back pocket.

"Hello?"

~D

Thank you for being patient through the slow updates. I'm currently in the middle of exam season, so it's harder to find time to write.

Good luck with life in the meanwhile!