Let the Heart Do the Talkin': (An Aerosmith/Kiss Love Story)

Chapter 5: Rehearsals Begin Part 2 (Joe Perry)

Several weeks have passed since rehearsals started and that one fateful day at the beginning of rehearsals, and Tommy's major panic attacks, the trauma...the PAIN. I saw for myself, just how much he hurt...that he was doing EVEN WORSE since his ex is once and for all, GONE. He couldn't barely keep it together and he snapped....my heart told me after he'd run, to follow him and followed him I did and what I found...broke my fuckin' heart: in tears, on the verge of making himself pass out or get sick, no it was both sadly....and when he realized I was there and I went to comfort him he was SO scared, he screamed...screamed and then when I took him in my arms, to comfort him...he kept flinching even doing so even after he calmed down and I let go...

Still despite the circumstances, I can't deny...how it felt to hold him in my arms. All I know is I did what I could to make him feel better and I hate...hate the fact that I added to his emotional turmoil. I could see it in his eyes.... something I believe HIS heart is telling him, that he doesn't yet realize...understandable given all the shit I'd wager Jamie'd put him thru...my heart told me: the way Tommy reacted when I was holding him...yes he's conflicted and confused...but Jamie, I FEEL would hold Tommy in a similar yet vastly different fashion, instead of taking him in his arms and comforting him....he would BREAK HIM, by words and physically. Cracks at have begun to appear in Tommy's armor, but it's NOT enough and sadly he has not yet reached rock bottom....

Tommy had from what I heard lasted 2 days, barely before taking his son back declaring so Eric said, "I NEED him....no I don't do well at all even when he's with me, but he DOES keep me from harming myself, physically." This was even at Eric's protest... and frankly everyone else's. Which brings us too now:

Kiss is fixing to start their rehearsal and Evan asks Tommy, a question that floors him and me, especially Tommy's response:

"Mommy? Since Unka Pete not here.... can Mr. Joe watch me?"

Tommy looks stunned but slowly answers, "Sweety.... if it's ok with him. Then it's ok with me."

Next thing I know, I feel tiny hands tug on my pants legs, "Pease watch me? Mommy say ask."

I find myself unable to say 'no' and smile at him to reassure him, "It's ok with me." I say softly. Someday...when Tommy is ready...when his heart is ready.... i can see myself being the father Evan wants and needs...maybe I already am...

"Mommy Joe say Wes! (Yes)" Evan beams at his mother.

"Ok sweetheart...be good for him, ok?" Evan nods seriously as Kiss gets underway and Evan grabs his stuffed Fox and sits in a little chair next to me and I know that Brad, Steven, Tom, and Joey are listening.... we all love the little angel, me as a father and the others as Uncles...as we've come to see it. But I note Tommy, watches his son protectively.... looking wistful and the pain in his eyes, as I gather unpleasant memories hit, his eyes shine with tears.

"Tank ew watch me! Dat Weawy nice!" Evan exclaims looking up at me but then he glances at his mother, looking sad. "Mommy.... Mommy sad.... i wish I helpy."

"You DO help. Your mother loves your little smiles, your little hugs.... but.... it's...." Evan cuts me off.

"Me... Know Mommy wuv me vewwy much...but dat' bad man.... he made mommy hidey heart, hidey ebbything. Mommies need hep....me do what can."

"Evan, you do everything you can.... he's not going thru something very hard; he's used to people judging, taking advantage of him, and hurting him, using comfort to physically hurt him. In time he will get better, but it's been sadly going on for A VERY long time." I say quietly trying to hold back my tears.

"How know dat?" Curious.

"It's what my heart tells me....and for so long, I'd let my head do the talking." I explain and Evan takes it all in. But Tom chimes in addressing Evan...