𝐃𝐄𝐋 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐎 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀'𝐒

Struggle

Groggily, I open my eyes to be met with darkness. I blindly reach out for Ace but my hand falls flat on the mattress so with a light groan, I roll over. Squinting my eyes, I sigh softly when I see him sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Ace?" I murmur, reaching over and running a hand down the bare muscles of his back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Go back to bed."

I glance over at the alarm clock on the nightstand and see that it's a little over midnight, which means that it's his birthday today. July 26th.

Instantly, I crawl over to him and sit down beside him. "Look at me." I say softly, wrapping my arms around his bicep and kissing his shoulder.

Keeping his gaze fixated on the ground, he shakes his head and covers his face with his hands. "Please."
I whisper, almost begging him to look me in the eye. I wish I could take his pain away. I wish I know what he's thinking right now. I wish these nightmares will leave him alone.

Reluctantly, he moves his hands away from his face and balls them into fists to stop them from shaking. I gently hold his chin and turn his head to meet my gaze. His red rimmed eyes meet mine and I can see the pain held within them. The pain that he has carried around with him for years and a pain I wish I could take away. God, I really wish I could.

He doesn't deserve this.

"Talk to me." I mutter, leaning my forehead against his.

He releases a shaky breath and swallows thickly. "I hate feeling like this. It's draining, Riv." He says in defeat.

"Feeling like what?" I brush hair away from his eyes and run my thumb along his neatly trimmed stubble.

"Like that is the only option left." He says with anguish lacing his tone as his eyes drift to the gun on the nightstand. His eyes move over to the baby monitor right next to it and tears brim them as he shakes his head and looks away.

My vision becomes blurry with the tears welling up
in my eyes, remembering when I almost lost him because of that same gun. On the same date.

"Why do you think that it's the only option left?" I swallow the lump in my throat and close my eyes, holding him tighter as though he would slip away if I let go.

He blankly stares at the wall behind me and all the colour from his eyes drains as he speaks. "Because that's what he wanted." His voice breaks and so does my heart. It felt like it was shattering into millions of pieces.

"He's gone, Ace," I say, "He can't hurt you anymore. No one can."

"It just hurts." He lets out a shaky breath as tears fall down his cheeks. "It fucking hurts. I don't want to keep feeling like this."

"I'm sorry, Ace," I say as my voice wavers slightly, "I'm so sorry." I wrap my arms around his neck and let him bury his face into mine.

"I'm so tired. So, so tired." He says hoarsely, wetting my neck with his tears that make my chest squeeze painfully tight. "I want it to end."