Glimpses

Chapter 11

October 10th, 2021

One might think that something from five years ago was long since forgotten, hurt feelings left behind. But it was only now Rory felt like some fog from that time had begun to scattered.

Despite having figured Logan's relationship with Odette had had a fair amount of flexibility to it, like his explanation had confirmed, it had still felt like he'd chosen Odette over her. It had felt like he hadn't ever wanted anything else than their arrangement. But Logan had dealt with the circumstances he lived in. Rory really wouldn't have been able to offer him what was expected of him, not the way Odette could. So she actually understood his choice. Rory knew she wasn't faultless in any of this either. She'd been too scared to get hurt, to even let him entertain the thought of anything more. But in the end she'd gotten hurt anyway. One was one's worst enemy, I guess.

Rory thought these thoughts as she stared at her bedroom ceiling the next morning, having slept late.

The talk had been exhausting, as if a movie of both of their separate lives had been stretched out in front of their eyes. Things said and left unsaid, paths chosen and carried out, things having not always worked out the way one had planned - and these seemed to be universal, independent of income, status or the family name. No matter what one did, one still craved for understanding, self-realization, simple happiness and a deeper love which neither had yet found. Not the kind that was fully honest at least.

Still - the blank spot on a map of her past, her memories, the one spot on that map she hadn't really dared to look at too closely at these past five years, one that hadn't been mentioned by name for a long time, was no longer blank, instead it was beginning to blend in with its surroundings - mending.

She stretched herself out and got up, opening the window ignoring the slight chill. One could almost imagine the wind that blew in, stripping off some of that former hurt in her soul. 

Rory put on a recommended playlist from her phone which connected to the bluetooth speakers she had around the house, the list starting with Kodaline's 'Big Bad World', and she went ahead with her day, while looking through the photos Jess had sent her of Em, standing on the top of a platform that was quite high up for her age, all strapped up in a climbing harnesses and wearing a cute pink helmet. Em looked like she wasn't afraid one bit, despite having been worried just a few days ago and for that Rory felt proud.

"She looks so brave," Rory texted Jess. "Thanks for taking her," she added.

"Anytime," Jess replied in an instant.

"I'll pick her up around 7," Rory wrote back.

Jess replied with a simple thumbs up.

Rory showered and headed downstairs, last night's conversation, in part, still popping into her mind.

She didn't envy Logan's situation right now. For one, Honor was excellent at giving his brother a scolding, some of which he probably kind of deserved too. But more than anything Rory knew what the feeling of having everything wide open for oneself felt like. Logan was standing at a crossroads. Everything was possible. While it could be a good feeling. She knew - she'd craved it so many times, while at first having been afraid of it too. But at their age, it was a little daunting to be starting everything over from scratch too. And while she knew Logan had done it before, this felt bigger and more final in his case.

Whatever Logan chose, he needed to figure that out on his own. How was it that her therapist had put it once? Fix yourself first before you involve others. She truly hoped he'd pick well and choose a path that would make him happy.

In that refreshing and hopeful state of mind, Rory wasn't even bothered about having gotten her period  - and popped an Ibuprofen and made herself a cup of coffee, adding whipped cream as a treat, and settled onto her couch to properly read the New York times.